Dear Chili

[rvillac2]

Dear Chili,

I really want to join the Marine Corps because of all the cool stuff they do. I want to jump out of airplanes, ride a zodiac in the surf, and blow up stuff. I want to be a Recon Counter Intel Sniper Drill Instructor. I just have one problem: My girlfriend doesn't want me to go and my parents will disown me. What do I do?

Signed,
Spineless Dreamer

[1-1Heavygunner]

Just join the Air Force and become one of those Para-Rescue SEAL Green Beret wearing Counter-terrorisim secret squirrels

[Marine84]

HAHAHAHA!

Go ahead and join................I'm sure Phantom, Ed, or any of these other fine Marines (except me) would be more than happy to take your girlfriend's mind off of you and some of them know how to hide the bodies of your parents where nobody will find them.

[yellowwing]

Dear Chilli,
My Best Friend and I joined on the buddy program. He got liquored up one night and stole a fire truck.

My question is, since we joined the Buddy Program do I have to serve his criminal sentence also? Will this affect my career?

Signed,
Buddy F@#&ed

[Zulu 36]

Dear Chilli,
My Best Friend and I joined on the buddy program. He got liquored up one night and stole a fire truck.

My question is, since we joined the Buddy Program do I have to serve his criminal sentence also? Will this affect my career?

Signed,
Buddy F@#&ed

As long as he isn't acting like a Kansas City faggot you should be OK (yeah, I've been watching Blazing Saddles).

[kelley26]

LOL...Are you guys sure you can handle the Marines? (Sarcastic)

[JChebahtah]

Hahahaha. I was waiting to see how long it would take for someone to make a "Dear Chili" post. I seriously love you all. Merry Christmas! :]

[Phantom Blooper]

Dear Chili,

I was watching a Rambo & Platoon marathon on TNT and I became highly motivated. I now want to join the Marine Corps and become a Recon Ranger or a sniper. I play paint ball allot and shoot tin cans and birds with the pellet gun Santa brought me two years ago! Do you think I have a chance?

I also have a girlfriend who is the best I ever had. I met her when we had a camp out a few months ago ...she's a Campfire Girl and I'm a Boy Scout.
I'm 15 and she's 14. Since we do all the woods things together we would like someday to join the Marine Corps together on the buddy program. But,we are like totally distraught if we can't do this.Do you think we can get a waiver to go to boot camp together? If we can't go together I will enlist when I become 17 with or without my mom's signature!

I also have another friend that has 2 DWI's,1 B & E and a Assault w/DW charge . He's 15 also do you think that he can get a waiver and we can go to BASIC on the like buddy program? Will they give us a bonus? Like how much do you think? Will we able to stay together for our whole time?

If I can't do any of the above I have a friend that just got out of the Army and he told me that I shouldn't like join the Marines,because they don't like anybody or their families and they kick dogs and throw rocks at the neighbors kid and cat. He seen this happen first hand when he was in for three months and got out on a....I think it's an uncharacterized discharge. He told us all to join the Navy he said that they will take us all and we can like live on a big boat together. What do you think we should do?

Please help me I am so distraught over ALL of this and I need advice...quick.


Name and address
Withheld by request.

[PooleeMoules]

Can someone please explain the meaning behind the Dear Chilli, letters?...

[fs19]

ROFLMAO!!

Wow, that is absolutely hilarious-and unfortunantly, so true. We had a poolee (our fat body who can't do 1 pullup even if we put half his body weight on the pullup assist machine) bring a guy who was intersted to a pool function the other day. Great guy, extremely fast runner but there was just one problem- he had a birth defect in which he only had a thumb and forefinger on his left hand and also could not brend it past about 95 degrees. The guy had heart though, when we were doing pushups he was doing his best to do them one handed. Our fat body said "I really hope they let him join, because he has a slight birth defect."

[Zulu 36]

Can someone please explain the meaning behind the Dear Chilli, letters?...

Can't you guess? Write a letter to Dear Chili and it will be explained.

[LeonardLawrence]

Dear Chili,

I am currently at SOI and am confused by sooooooo many things. Perhaps with your unique insight you can explain. To save time I listed them out for you. I was going to write them in warning order and O-SMEAC form, but we haven't gotten that far yet, so I can't.

1. Who the **** is Chili? Why is he answering my question?

2. Is it true they found a finger in you at a Wendy's, but it was just a hoax?

3. I am on Training Day two, at SOI Mid-Country. I suppose because Pendleton and Lejeune were full. I don't understand why my Instructor keeps calling me Private. Isn't that a private thing? I feel like I completely understand Infantry training after my first working party here at camp.

4. Where the **** did my civil rights go? Are they in your mailbag somewhere? I could use them on my next fieldex, or field day, or march to chow.

5. I want to go Recon, but don't want to carry the M16 or M249. Is it possible to only be issued the gun controller from a Playstation 2 box to mark "laser kills". I have an aversion to carrying heavy objects, self respect, or hard work. I told my recruiter and he said no problem, but why isn't the Corps honoring their promise to me?

6. My girlfriend told me she loves me, but I heard her shush someone named "Jody" while talking to me. Alot of her responses sounded garbled and possibly a little wet. Do you think I should propose before my first deployment or upon my return? Oh, and I don't know her last name, could I just address it by first name?

7. Is it possible to go out for a 15 month deployment without leave and return home to a 2 month old child. I know snail mail is slow....but really,how does that work?

8. Why doesn't Gunny respect the fact that I worked at McDonalds and was responsible for supervising myself and training others. In the Corporate world I would be like a staff NCO by now, right? Why not in the Corps?

9. You want fries with that?

Thanks for your time Chili. Hopefully some side appetizer can solve all my questions about being a super Marine. Thanks!

[Fubar5812]

BWHHWHAHAHHAHHAHA *falls out of chair laughing...

i am in TEARS,please keep these coming lmao!

[Echo_Four_Bravo]

OK, someone owes me a new keyboard- and since I'm on a laptop that isn't going to be cheap.

[Phantom Blooper]

Dear Chili,

QUICK QUESTION.....

When I was in 3rd grade I was diagnosed with ADD and put on Ritalin but I don't think I really have it because like I stopped taking the medicine in 8th grade and I haven't like had any problems since. I have been to three different doctors and they tell me that I am not depressed or slow. They said my mother should have just whipped my azz more when I was younger.

I also have a friend that caught with a little bit of grass in my car and when the officer stopped us he was driving.He gave him a breathalyser and he blew a 0.9! My car was impounded so I have a hard time getting to the meetings once a week. Since it was my car I am being charged too. Do you have any advice?

My recruiter wants me to get a waiver but right now I have to wait because all my charges are not in and we are trying to work out a deal. It wasn't really his or my fault fault because we left a party and there was other people in the car that were dropped off before we got pulled.

Now this makes me sad if I can't join the Marine Corps...but I can like live with it,because my friend said I can join the Army. I am 17 now and I am in DEP. My recruiter told me not to tell anyone and see what happens. I know that honesty is best but I am at a quandary on who to listen to. I want my MOS in the Marine Corps to be Intelligence,do you think this will effect me in any way?

Sorry,like really I know that this was supposed to be like a QUICK QUESTION but like ur really kool and I just like kept typing and zoning out and spacin' on the like keyboard. Like thanks man for your help!

Perplexed & Chill in'
Everywhere USA