17 year old daughter just told me she is considering the Marines

[kmama]

I have to be honest, this is completely from left field. She has always pursued theater, talented actress and singer, so I am floored by this. I don't look at her with rose colored glasses, her personality goes along with talent, she can be flighty and I can't imagine her having a drill sergeant in her face. Lol she gets ****y when I wake her up nicely!?!?!?! I don't want to come off too hard because that will only push full force but I think she really needs to think this through.

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[USMC 2571]

Advise her to think it through. Explore the WHY of this, if you can. But as we all know, you included, the more you struggle with her verbally, the more she will make up her mind to try to do the exact opposite of what you would like her to do. So see if you can GENTLY and reasonably explore-----explore the whys of this. That, in my opinion, which is only one of many, is the first step. She will end up, hopefully, doing what is right for her. Not many parents say, hey, you're going to be in the Marines and be in harm's way??? GREAT!-----so be very very quiet about this and just talk about it. Keep us posted here. This kind of subject will get plenty of responses, ranging from hey let her do what she wants, to think about it, to forget it, she's not your little girl anymore. You will have to sift through the responses here with the thought that maybe some of the responses say more about the poster than they do about your situation. Good luck, and keep us posted. We can hopefully walk you thru this as much as is possible.

[USMC 2571]

Also, take a look at the thread titles below your initial post and see if there are any similar ones you can read. In addition to that, this subject has come up so often that you can do a search, backwards in time, through the entire Ask A Marine section and you will find numerous threads where a son or daughter walked up to his or her mom and dad and broke the news like it was not a big deal, and chaos ensued in many cases. BUT many of those parents ended up going to the boot camp graduation and adjusted to it. So do take a look back in the archives beginning with the previous page here in Ask A Marine and see what you can find. As I said, this kind of thread will draw responses like a magnet attracts pieces of metal. Sift through them and think about each of them.

[kmama]

Thank you for the response. Yes I know if yell what the hell, it will only push her. She already made the comment that once she is 18 I have no say.

[USMC 2571]

Yep, that's the way they usually begin----but gentle probing to find out why, that will help both of you. And if her decision is for the right reasons, that may be the end of it, after all.....but if she joins for the wrong reasons, then more discussion would be good, but all gentleness, lest she start stomping out of the room, leaving you saying uh oh, I just ran into a brick wall here.

[Hammer]

From what you have posted it's time for her to be woke up and face reality. The reality being a Marine Drill Instructor facing her eyeball to eyeball and where the DI is hoping that your daughter is smart enough to realize that this is where the bullshivt stops and reality begins. If not; a strong case of reality will be administered.

[Tennessee Top]

First of all, your daughter should be commended for considering serving time in our military. Only 1% of our youth today volunteer, and are qualified for the job. Obviously, that number is much smaller for female applicants. What she is thinking about doing is not particularly popular with her peers. Even more unpopular is the thought of being a Marine (the road is much easier, with the same benefits, in the other services - you did not say if she is only looking at the Marine Corps). If I could, I would personally shake your daughter's hand for even thinking about serving her nation (which is a reflection on her parents).

Todays Marine Corps is much different than when most of us old salts here wore the Eagle, Globe, and Anchor. We remember women Marines (WM's) as clerks, cooks, and sedan drivers.

Our first female machinegunner graduated from Infantry Training Battalion (ITB) a year ago. There are female fighter pilots and embassy guards (never had any when I was on that program in the 70's and 80's). Females serve in infantry battalions and the very first female in USMC history just graduated from the grueling Infantry Officers Course (IOC) this month as a dozen had tried before her but failed. Right now, there is a female NCO going through her second attempt at the Marine Special Operations (MARSOC) course and could become our very first female Marine Raider (she passed the first phase and is in the second phase of training). Point is, all occupational fields are open to females and all they have to do is prove they can do the job.

My niece graduated from Parris Island a couple years ago. She was platoon guide and a squad leader and graduated a meritorious Private First Class putting her a pay grade ahead of her peers. After bootcamp, she was the class leader and honor graduate from her MOS school and was meritoriously promoted to Lance Corporal putting her two pay grades ahead of her peers within six months. Point here is, the USMC does recognize and reward superior performance.

Our commandant wants to increase the percentage of female Marines so your daughter would be considered a high value target for any recruiter. I led female Marines for years and can assure you, your daughter would not be the very first diva to graduate from Parris Island (I experienced my fair share of drama with many of them).

At 17, your daughter should be eligible to make contact with a recruiter which will be her next step in the process, if she is really serious. She probably has watched some already, but there are plenty of videos on youtube females in bootcamp and the day in the life of a female Marine in the fleet. Of course, a video cannot replicate actually standing in the yellow footprints and having your personal "come to Jesus meeting" with your first Marine Corps DI (which everyone handles in their own way and we all remember vividly to this day).

Good luck to both of you.

[Zulu 36]

Hammer is right, and female drill instructors are no friendlier than their male colleagues. Plus, she will go to Parris Island and the chances of running into male drill instructors in Receiving Barracks are very high.

But, anyway, as has been stated, as long as your daughter is going in with her eyes wide open, it can be a positive life-changing experience for her.

My oldest daughter is a TSgt (E6) in the Air Force Reserves. When she was talking about going in, she was a little older (21) than your daughter and had been out on her own for a few years. Her mother and I sat with her several times talking about the branches and what they did (the then-wife) was a Coast Guard vet.

After much consideration, she opted for the Air Force. One of her reasons was she wasn't the kind of girl who didn't mind pooping in the woods. This is a very valid concern for a lot of women. It was one of the reasons my ex-wife went into the Coast Guard. The chances your daughter would have to use a cat hole in the woods is much higher in the Corps than in other branches, with the Army coming in second. That is another little military tidbit she should consider too.

I'm not trying to discourage her. On the contrary, I hope she goes into the Corps and is successful. And doesn't have to poop in the woods. I didn't care for it either.

[irpat54]

when my youngest Daughter came home from school in her Sr. year, she told us that she had talked to a Marine recruiter, and wanted to join, it took me completely by surprise because she never ever showed any interest in the Marines or any branch of service at all, She then went on to be in charge of flight line and flight planning in Iwakuni Japan.
needless to say, I was very proud of her, her Company Co told me that when he had spoken with her that she had told her she joined because she wanted to be like her Dad, that was awesome...

but sometimes it just comes out of left field and we don't know until later what inspired them to join...

[kmama]

Her father and I spoke with her last night and it seems like her thought process is kind of all over on this. When I said flighty about her, it's about her dramatic side, like literally drama, does plays, sings in a band, goes to Comic Con other then her and I butting heads for basically being too much alike, she's a good kid. I think she may be panicking because her friends are all figuring out what their next steps are and she is not sure what her's should be. We told her that we are absolutely open to meeting the recruiter but I want her and I both to do our research first. One of my first concerns that I haven't expressed to her yet, is she is saying she would do the Marine Reserves and the recruiter said that would help pay for college but from I have have read Marine Reserves does not offer tuition assistance to reserves only active duty?? Anyone know the deal on that? thanks!

[USMC 2571]

I don't know about tuition and reserves but some of these folks will know.

[Kamauxx]

I'm pretty sure the Navy doesn't authorize TA for reservists not on active duty. Reservists can use the reserve MGIB, however. The reserve MGIB will not completely cover the cost of college but it's good for supplementing other forms of payment.

Also of note, the Army DOES offer 100% TA for reservists. If military+part time+100% paid for tuition is what she's after it would be a good idea to have her speak to an Army recruiter.

[crazymjb]

The Marine Corps reserves isn't super helpful for college with one big caveat: If she deploys she'll be eligible for a sizable amount of money under the post 9/11 GI bill. The GI bill for one who has not yet deployed is a very minimal amount of money per month. The plus side is some state schools will waive all or part of tuition for military service members, separate from the GI bill benefits.

I was in the reserves the entire time I was in undergrad. I went to Afghanistan between my Sophomore and Junior year of college. When I got back, I started using the post 9/11 GI bill which, coupled with the housing allowance and the schools tuition waiver for veterans (UMass), covered my last 2 years. I actually transitioned to another program I was eligible for due to a disability rating and I am now going to a 55k/Year law school for free and receiving a housing stipend that covers my mortgage. I would not have been eligible for this program had I not had wear and tear injuries to my back and knees, however. That said, even without this program the post 9/11 GI bill a reservist gets at a prorated amount(usually 60% after one deployment, but it can vary), after they deploy, would have essentially covered in-state tuition at a state school and a good chunk of my grad school. Also, a lot of schools have tuition assistance programs (often called yellow ribbon programs) that supplement the GI bill to help students afford school. This varies institution to institution.

As Kamauxx said, other branches of service offer other incentives. In many states, joining that state's Army of Air Force National Guard (this is different than the reserves, often a state will have both) gets a student a free ride to the state school of that state.

The most important questions to ask your daughter are what she wants to get out of her service. The recruiters used to play a little game where they had like 10 chips with different things (work experience, pride of service, money, travel, etc) and they'd have candidates arrange them so they could best tailor their sales pitch to them. This might not be a bad thing for you to sit down with your daughter and do as a neutral party. I'm not saying recruiters don't look out for the applicants to their branch of service, BUT they have a bias even if they aren't being pressured to enlist people, it's only natural.

As to her personality, the Marine Corps has all types. My wife was motor-T int he Marine Corps and was in show choir all through high school. She was also an athlete though. I think the most important thing is having thick skin and being adaptable. There will be plenty of jocks, nerds, and everything in between. The good thing about the reserves is it is a decent reflection of the local community, and if your daughter is college bound, so are many if not most other reservists. It is also an excellent networking tool.

Again though, ask her what she wants to get out of her service. If she just wants to be in the military, I'd advise a guard/reserve branch that will provide the most college assistance. I'd also advise she takes a more intellectual role if she is college bound (aircraft mechanic, public affairs, intelligence, etc). The one exception here is if she wants to be in a combat arms related job, in which case I think the Marine Corps has the best leaders and frankly has combat arms jobs down to the best science. If she's not used to playing sports or hiking/backpacking, as a girl I'd recommend against this. Women certainly can do it, but their bodies don't adapt as quickly and it wears on them more. If she's never been much of an athlete, combat arms would be a bad idea.

Also, the hierarchy for quality of life generally goes Air Force, navy, army, Marines. I think the proportion of females in the branches follows that same order. That said, there is tons of variation job to job. I'm sure the Marine Corps air wing is more cushy than air force "security forces," for example.

Mike

[USMC 2571]

That is a good post, and the last couple of sentences in particular are good; the hierarchy for quality of life is exactly what I told the OP in a few PMs. In my opinion, as I told the OP, the Marine Corps is great for those who want to be a Marine or just have to be in the Corps for whatever reason.

USMC aside, though, among the other branches Navy and Air Force stand out.

The Coast Guard is so small that the CG Auxiliary only has 34,000 people, so your MOS and duty stations will be more limited. The Army has the most disciplinary problems per 1,000 than any other branch, at least it did when I was a USAF JAG 12 years after the Corps. The Army has its good points too, even though ARMY stands for Ain't Ready To Be A Marine Yet.

But the USAF and USN are, in my opinion, the first two choices unless, as I said, a person just wants to be or just has to be a Marine. The Corps is not for people who are joining almost casually, oh, I think the Corps would be good.....they are in for a very rude awakening. You have to really want to be a Marine in order to join the Corps, at least you will have a better time of it if you have that particular desire.

[Kamauxx]

The recruiters used to play a little game where they had like 10 chips with different things (work experience, pride of service, money, travel, etc) and they'd have candidates arrange them so they could best tailor their sales pitch to them.

Mike

Those are called benefit tags. The recruiter will definitely utilize them to determine what he should gear their conversation around. If she picks things like "educational opportunities" or "financial security" as her first ones then she's probably better off elsewhere. The recruiter loves when a potential applicant picks intangible over tangible tags. If an applicant picks "pride of belonging" or "courage, poise, and self confidence" or "self reliance, self direction, self discipline" or "challenge" then the recruiter can trump anything being offered by other branches of the military, colleges, and entry level jobs.