Gotta let this out...

[Brandon1]

So I'm finally gonna let all this out...

Ever since November of 08 (Not to long ago obviously), I have been on a path of destruction. I went to a party with some friends had 2 beers, and then I decided to leave. Since I was the only one not drunk I chimed up to give people rides home, so I did, and I got about half way across town, and I got pulled over for a broken tail light (Not my car). Well the officer smelled the beer on my breath because it was only about 20-30 minutes prior. He asked if I had been drinking tonight, I said I had 2 beers, and that was it. He then asked me to step out of the car and I did, he then placed me in cuffs and in the back of the car I go. About 10 minutes later another cop shows up and gives me a field sobriety test. He said I passed with flying colors and I obviously wasn't but I was 19, so he had to take me in for a Minor in Consumption. I blew a .0175 and the limit for a person under 21 is .02. So I went to court about a month later and got it all sorted out, and the prosecutor dropped my case because there was no probable cause that I was drunk (Which I wasn't).

Onto the next, A little before my 20th birthday, I had to take my friend to court in Olympia (Next town over from mine), and there were no licensed drivers around, so I had to take him...For the record I don't have a license either...Dumb idea, I know. So I got pulled over for going 10 over the speed limit. I told him straight up I did not have a license, so he told me to step out of the car, and he put me in cuffs and into the back of the car I go again, until someone could come get us.

I'm still in court for that, but my last court date is coming up May 1st, and I plan to get whats coming to me. By the way I'm in the process of getting my license back.

I know this is long, but this is the final thing I promise...

When I was 12 or 13, (cant clearly remember) I was seeing a therapist for something that happened when I was 9. I'm gonna be straight here, one of my best friends was hit by a car and killed right in front of my eyes. That's pretty much the time when my mom noticed I had problems paying attention to things, but she thought it was just do to what I saw. So when my attention problems never got better by the time I was about 12 or so, she finally took me to a therapist, and he didn't see any attention issues, but a sign of depression. I didn't think I was depressed, but everyone knows therapists, they have to prescribe something to somebody all the time. I didn't tell him about the incident when I was 9, because I never felt comfortable talking to this person that I don't even know. So I left that out. Maybe it was a good thing, maybe it wasn't...We will never know. Anyways onto why I was talking about that previous situation. About a month ago, my friends and I were going mudding and I didnt even realize that we were passing the place where my friend was killed. Ever since we passed that place, that same day, same moment, and same image, has not been out of my head. I blocked that day out of my head for sooooo many years, that I never thought about it. Now I sit up damn near all night just replaying that in my mind, and I cannot sleep at all. I bought some sleeping pills to see if that would help...No dice. So I have been drinking non stop to pass out and not think about it. I think I kinda sound like a wimp, when above situation doesnt even hold a candle to some of the things that some of you Marines have been through. So what should I do about this...Should I go see a therapist, or just push through it like I did way back when.

Sorry it was so long, but I need anyone and everyones opinions on this post. Did I ruin my chances of becoming a Marine, by the ****ty choices I have made over these past few months. Again with the "DUI", I'm pretty sure it doesnt exist anymore, but I'm not 100%. Same with the Driving without a License. I'm kind of afraid to go back and talk to a Recruiter, in fear that I will get shot down immediatly. I think I need help...

[NoRemorse]

Your profile is acceptable, your post could be broken down into a few more paragraphs for readability.

Ok, so you messed up, fine; get over your fear of speaking with a recruiter. What's likely to happen is he'll tell you to square away your court dates the best you can. I'd stop there if that was the major issue, in your case...

I'd suggest you start doing something with your life now. If you think you can't cope with your current problems now then just think about what would happen in a truly stressful situation. You could overcome them or you could exacerbate them and become a danger to my brothers and sisters out there.

Seeing a therapist, taking meds; all that stuff is usually a DQ for law enforcement. It's also a lot of stuff to waiver and our standards are higher than ever. Don't compare your experiences to those of the Marines on here; even if you're going to put yourself down for them. The way you handle stress is the way you handle stress and you're not any of the Marines on this board. You're whoever the hell you are so get over it and deal with the problem.

Talk to the folks, talk to a recruiter, talk to a priest, talk to somebody. The way it sounds now you're a no-go for enlistment. You'd have to get all your trash squared away, wait a predetermined amount of time after getting off meds and then try to get through a screening at MEPS and be scrutinized by every NCO and officer you come across if you're allowed to go further in the process.

If you don't feel up to it... then you're not up to it. If you're still dealing with the shock and mental trauma of seeing a friend die in front of you then square that away before thinking about enlisting in any branch of the service.

Now I'll let this move up to the chain to the NCO's on here.

Carry on.

[reallybigshoe]

Hey man.

Thought I would lend some advice here as my family has a background in both providing therapy and being in the military, so I'll pass on what I've been exposed to.

Take care of the issues you are having with remembering your friend first. No doubt about it. It wouldn't be fair to try and serve before you get a bearing on that and here's why: How are you going to be on your A game if you can't sleep at night and aren't fully there for training.

Here's the good news... When you get through therapy for this you're going to be a stronger person. Much stronger. You will have overcome a big obstacle in your life and you'll be better prepared for the rest of life. You would make a better soldier because in therapy they are going to teach you better coping techniques (bottling up feelings is a very unhealthy one - which you can realize because of the troubles that eventually come out that you are having now).

Concerning the DUI and other stuff, don't sweat it. The Marines is the most likely branch to waiver that - and from what I have been told it's not a big deal. I read an article the other day where some convicted felons are being waiver-ed in.

I hope this helps. Go get some help, not because you are weak but because you want to be stronger. Keep your spirits high. This is one of the things you must do to become a part of the greatest fighting force ever.

[KawiGunny]

You definitely need to settle the issue with the images of your friend. As mentioned already, talk to someone. Doesn't have to be a therapist. As most people on here and those Marines that aren't, after dealing with combat tours where you had to see things most young men and women shouldn't have to see, we find someone to talk to that understands our situation. Sometimes that means going to therapy and sometimes it doesn't. But not talking about it and supressing your memory will only delay the reactions of the body. As you are experiencing now. If you don't deal with it so that you can move on with your life, you will go through this again. You need to be able to lay your friend to rest.

The rest of your drama will work itself out.

[Old Marine]

Find new friends and quit drinking.

[0231Marine]

So you made some bad choices recently. It's not the end of the world and nothing you listed as far as criminal behavior is going to DQ you from service.

The drinking on the other hand and your issues with what you saw as a child is a problem and one that will prevent you from becoming a Marine. There are many Marines on this site, myself included who have seen things that I'd never wish on anyone, things that still keep me awake some nights and I'll be the first to tell you that you need to take care of that and sort those issues out first before speaking with a recruiter. You can't expect to make it through the stress of bootcamp or even combat if you're still dealing with issues that keep you up at night. Seek out the professional help first, then work on following your dream of becoming a Marine.

Best of Luck!

[Brandon1]

I really appreciate everything everyone has said thus far. Just within the hour or so that I posted this, and reading everyone's responses over and over, and actually now sitting down and just thinking, I think I finally know what I need to do.

So in a little bit, I'm going to go to his grave site, and the place where it happened, and hopefully make peace. Honestly I thought I did that a long time ago, but I guess I never really FULLY got over it, I've just been suppressing it deep down. I know that isn't healthy, but it's just what I do...It's really in my genes, because my dad does it and my brother does it. I'm guessing naturally it's something that I THINK I need to do also. I should have thought about all this when I first started remembering, but I was just to sh!t faced stupid, to realize it.

I actually haven't drank since last Friday, so I'm pretty sure I'm getting better at that.

I think I'm finally going to be able to lay my friend to rest. I'll let everyone know how this goes.

[KawiGunny]

I really appreciate everything everyone has said thus far. Just within the hour or so that I posted this, and reading everyone's responses over and over, and actually now sitting down and just thinking, I think I finally know what I need to do.

So in a little bit, I'm going to go to his grave site, and the place where it happened, and hopefully make peace. Honestly I thought I did that a long time ago, but I guess I never really FULLY got over it, I've just been suppressing it deep down. I know that isn't healthy, but it's just what I do...It's really in my genes, because my dad does it and my brother does it. I'm guessing naturally it's something that I THINK I need to do also. I should have thought about all this when I first started remembering, but I was just to sh!t faced stupid, to realize it.

I actually haven't drank since last Friday, so I'm pretty sure I'm getting better at that.

I think I'm finally going to be able to lay my friend to rest. I'll let everyone know how this goes.

Once you are finally able to accept, deal with and let these memories go, find new one's of him to replace the bad ones with. Things the two of you used to do for fun. Never forget your friend just make them good memories.

[Drill for life]

I'm going trough the same problem my friend. I saw my best friend get murdered lst year on April 16th.

[temarti]

Brandon, visiting the gravesite is a good idea, a year before I went in the Marines (1989) my best friend committed suicide while I was out in the front yard of his house. I know these are two different scenarios, however it really messed with me for many years. More anger than anything.

Last year my Grandfather passed, their plot is one aisle over from Mark's, after the ceremony I walked over and visited, I had not been there since 89. There was positive closure, something I should have done many years ago.

Good luck to you...

[Shippingsoon]

I found this to be a great post. The support shown by Marines towards someone who isn't yet one was... ok, I'll say it... touching. This post and others are reenforcing my belief that choosing the Marines was one of the best decisions I could have made.

Brandon, I wish you the best of luck with everything. We've all got skeletons in out closets and being stoic about them can only get you so far sometimes.

[KawiGunny]

I found this to be a great post. The support shown by Marines towards someone who isn't yet one was... ok, I'll say it... touching. This post and others are reenforcing my belief that choosing the Marines was one of the best decisions I could have made.

Brandon, I wish you the best of luck with everything. We've all got skeletons in out closets and being stoic about them can only get you so far sometimes.

Alright you turd..... back in the corner where you belong. j/k

Marines do look after our own. That includes our family members also. And in most case.... those who want to join our brotherhood.

[Brandon1]

Well I just got back. It wasn't easy, and I don't think I've cried like that in years. It was a good thing though, and it needed to be done. I finally said my farewells and a see you sooner or later. The flowers next to his headstone were looking a little dead, so I went to the store and bought some more for him.

Now only time will tell if I have truly gotten over it. I cant say for sure, but I think I finally made my peace.

I do feel A LOT better, and I want to thank each and every one of you for your words of wisdom, it really did help me, and I appreciate everything. Thank you.

[hunter01]

Concerning the DUI and other stuff, don't sweat it. The Marines is the most likely branch to waiver that - and from what I have been told it's not a big deal. I read an article the other day where some convicted felons are being waiver-ed in.

Maybe everybody missed this because their is a much bigger issue that was being handled in this thread or maybe I am wrong but from everything that I have heard/been told this couldn't be further from the truth. The Marines are having no problems right now meeting recruiting goals and can afford to be very picky about who they let in. Fewer GED's are being allowed in and things that might have been waiverable in the past aren't getting waived as often.

The Army on the other hand if having difficulty meeting their recruiting goals and continue to try and lower their standards. I heard an Army recruiter talking to one of the recruiters at my RS and the Army guy couldn't believe how strict the Marines were about GED's and other waivers that he got all the time.

[KawiGunny]

Maybe everybody missed this because their is a much bigger issue that was being handled in this thread or maybe I am wrong but from everything that I have heard/been told this couldn't be further from the truth. The Marines are having no problems right now meeting recruiting goals and can afford to be very picky about who they let in. Fewer GED's are being allowed in and things that might have been waiverable in the past aren't getting waived as often.

The Army on the other hand if having difficulty meeting their recruiting goals and continue to try and lower their standards. I heard an Army recruiter talking to one of the recruiters at my RS and the Army guy couldn't believe how strict the Marines were about GED's and other waivers that he got all the time.

Take a step back and cool your guns. No one missed that, but thats not what needed to be handled first. If one of you aren't in the right frame of mind, then going to see a recruiter is a waste of time and could prevent you from ever joining our ranks in the future even if the situation has been resolved. Once he is ready to tackle those issue with a recruiter, then we can address those issues. So in the meantime, stick to those topics that concern your chances of joining our ranks.

One more thing.....nice dear in that pic.