Relationships Between Different Branches

[Isrowei]

If the Marine Corps wanted you to be married they'd issue you a husband/wife.....

I'm sorry, I know that's a cliche'd expression and all... but that's the dumbest thing I think I hear on a regular basis when a Marine talks about marriage.

I suppose the Marine Corps should have also issued me the cardboard that I use as backing on my ribbons... or the iron that I use to crease my shirts. You know, by that line of thinking, the Marine Corps better start paying my dry cleaner bill or otherwise they don't really care about my uniforms looking presentable. And if the Commandant REALLY wanted me to read some list of books, he'd better damn well buy them for me...

C'mon.. how ridiculous is that statement?

There are plenty of things that Marines do that aren't "issued" to us that we are specifically expected to do. Marriage.. isn't even an expected thing. It's a personal choice that an individual makes. Hopefully they make with respect and concern for their duty as a Marine, but it is certainly not an incompatible decision with being a Marine.

[ForeverMarine]

I think the reason why the Marine Corps adopted that saying, Sir, is b/c of the statistics of enlisted Marines divorce rate.....Look at how young this kid is talking about getting married? 17? yea, most likely destined for failure....And The Marine Corps knows this bc most enlisted people are young coming straight out of highschool and had highschool sweethearts, in which, they think they are in love.....or its a Young Marine wanting a contract marriage for more money b/c lets face it, were not paid like a LT.....in which, the Marine Corps also knows that Marines do this as well, and they never work so thats another reason why they say it....

And Also these Marines do not have the luxory of being in college for 4 to 5 years and making life decisions at 24 or 25, they are making them at 18 - 19...I see that your a mustang and Ill give you a OOH-RAH for that, but you should see where the Marine Corps is coming from on this subject b/c while you got to actually know your wife in college, these Marines are trying to get to know their g/fs or b/fs over the phone long distance....which just does not work.....

Trust me if I would of known then what I know now, I would of never gotten married...

[Isrowei]

And the computer glitched...

[Isrowei]

Sgt Coy, I know where it came from. As you said, I've walked those shoes. I had my highschool "sweetheart"... and I joined the Marine Corps at 17. I didn't get to college till I was 22. I faced the same questions that you and this OP faced and I made my choices. Now being an officer and/or being older has NOTHING to do with what I did before.

The fact of the matter is there are a lot of reasons in play for a person to want to marry. And citing some quick "fire and forget" response that does nothing to provide sound reasoning or basis for a person to help them negotiate this critical decision in a young person's life is.. well.. in my opinion.. a failing in the stated leadership mandate given to all Marines of senior grade.

Marriage isn't a bane for only young enlisted. There are plenty of junior officers who don't have the maturity it takes either. Success does not depend on the size of one's paycheck as you implied because there are plenty of guys who DO get married young and have the maturity to see it through... OR.. they join the service late and while dealing with the same economic situation as their younger, more immature peers-in-rank, and they enjoy very stable marriages.

Trust me, I can argue very effectively against getting married at a young age. And I can argue FOR a person who does want to get married young. There are pros and cons for both. Whether one is in the military or not makes little difference in my experience. But the concept of "If it ain't issued, it ain't needed" is a cop-out to giving real mentorship to a person who is needing and looking for guidance and real advice. You can't argue against that.

Bottom line, your second answer (to me) included some of the reasoning and thought that should have gone into your first answer (to the OP). That would have been mentorship.

[0231Marine]

Sgt Coy, I know where it came from. As you said, I've walked those shoes. I had my highschool "sweetheart"... and I joined the Marine Corps at 17. I didn't get to college till I was 22. I faced the same questions that you and this OP faced and I made my choices. Now being an officer and/or being older has NOTHING to do with what I did before.

The fact of the matter is there are a lot of reasons in play for a person to want to marry. And citing some quick "fire and forget" response that does nothing to provide sound reasoning or basis for a person to help them negotiate this critical decision in a young person's life is.. well.. in my opinion.. a failing in the stated leadership mandate given to all Marines of senior grade.

Marriage isn't a bane for only young enlisted. There are plenty of junior officers who don't have the maturity it takes either. Success does not depend on the size of one's paycheck as you implied because there are plenty of guys who DO get married young and have the maturity to see it through... OR.. they join the service late and while dealing with the same economic situation as their younger, more immature peers-in-rank, and they enjoy very stable marriages.

Trust me, I can argue very effectively against getting married at a young age. And I can argue FOR a person who does want to get married young. There are pros and cons for both. Whether one is in the military or not makes little difference in my experience. But the concept of "If it ain't issued, it ain't needed" is a cop-out to giving real mentorship to a person who is needing and looking for guidance and real advice. You can't argue against that.

Bottom line, your second answer (to me) included some of the reasoning and thought that should have gone into your first answer (to the OP). That would have been mentorship.

LT, again, very profound statements. You are obviously well educated and know a thing or two about many different things.

I believe that deployments during this day and age in the Marine Corps is a large contributing factor to the high divorce rate. I may be stating the obvious but for the non-Marines coming in here, do think long and hard about your relationship choices prior to and even after enlisting. With the op-tempo the way it is currently and for the foreseeable future, there will likely come a time where you'll have to leave your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend to go on a deployment. It is a very real fact that each of you needs to consider if you're thinking of starting a family or getting married while you're in. My wife and I faced this fact head on about 2 years ago and now here I sit, all civilianized but happily married. Just something to think about!

[FutureBootLouie]

Louie, your profile says you're 22 years old. Your picture on your profile says you're still living your party years. Somehow, I don't get the idea that you're really in the realm to talk from experience about when the time is right to settle down.

A lot of these Marines on this site have made the hard decisions about family vs Corps and have had the time and experience to know what makes good relationships and how to avoid a bad one, especially with regard to this Marine Corps.

I wouldn't want my wife to be deployed either, but I will tell you that no matter what I want.. if it's her dream.. I WILL support it. Love isn't selfish and if it is, it's not the kind of love that a person should be seeking. There are times to look out for a shared family interest, usually when the kids come along. But 17 isn't the time to subjucate your life for someone else's (young, immature, selfish) desires. It's the time to go and live life and enjoy it.

You may or may not agree, and that is your perogotive. But be careful when refuting older advice so heartily. It comes with something that people like you and I are still working on... years of been-there, done-that.

I'm not refuting anybody's advice except for the fact that too many Marines view marriage with too strongly of a negative connotation. The only thing I'm saying is - "Just because it didn't work out for you, or your buddy, doesn't mean it won't work out for her"

It is absolutely possible to be in love at 17. Age is nothing but a number.

I just know that if I were with someone and hypothetically she now wants to enlist in the Army...I'd be thinking "ok, if I'm stationed in Pendleton and you're at Fort Campbell, will I ever see you except when I go on leave? Doesn't that pretty much spell the end of our relationship if I can only see you 30 days a year (if that) for the next 4 years?"

But either way, in conclusion, this is something she really needs to figure out on her own, and I doubt any of our "advice" would be constructive for her in a dilemma of such a deeply personal level.

[ForeverMarine]

No one here is saying being in love is a negative thing....now is marriage....Im very old school....I believe love is never ending....and I believe if your with the one person your meant for, a lifetime still is not long enough......

I think what everyone in this forum is trying to say is that marriage should not be taken lightly....its a major decision, and a life changing factor, just like leaving the comfort of your hometown and joining the Marine Corps....

My Message to any Marine that wants to get married....bottom line....do it for the right reasons and dont rush it......

[Isrowei]

It is absolutely possible to be in love at 17. Age is nothing but a number.

I had to read that twice. That was the argument I gave my parents at 15 when I wanted to do that same things that my 18 year old sister was doing. Guess what? They laughed and called it ridiculous.. and then they said that given a few years.. I would understand.

I'm not 15 anymore and I very much understand. I have, currently in my shop, a 19 year old LCpl and a 28 year old LCpl. The 19 year old actually has more time in service than my 28 year old. However, my 28 year old LCpl is the one I count on to deliver when it's crunch time. Why?

Because age makes a difference. Sure, there are small variations for personality here and there and there are some young studs who can really knock it out the park with performance at a very young age... but that's not the average. Not by a long shot.

Sure, can people be "in love" at 17? Sure. But anyone who has ever been in a long relationship, much less marriage, can tell you that it takes a far more mature view of love and commitment to make marriage a success than most young people are even thinking of at the time.

[Isrowei]

No one here is saying being in love is a negative thing....now is marriage....Im very old school....I believe love is never ending....and I believe if your with the one person your meant for, a lifetime still is not long enough......

I think what everyone in this forum is trying to say is that marriage should not be taken lightly....its a major decision, and a life changing factor, just like leaving the comfort of your hometown and joining the Marine Corps....

My Message to any Marine that wants to get married....bottom line....do it for the right reasons and dont rush it......

Well said!

I bolded the one line I think is key to this whole thing. Thanks for bringing that up.

[thedrifter]

Question been answer with no sight of the original poster....