Paris Hilton: I'm Celibate

[fontman]

Paris Hilton: I'm Celibate
August 06, 2006
By Robert Paul Reyes

Parody Quotes

Mel Gibson: I've converted to Judaism and the press is invited to my Bar Mitzvah.

Rev. Jesse Jackson: I've taken a religious vow to give up the stoplight, from now on I will only give interviews to college radio stations and MSNBC.

Mike Tyson: I renounce violence, I will now longer chew on ears, it's quiche for me from now on.

Hillary Clinton: Power is overrated, I'm giving up politics and dedicating the rest of my life to baking cookies and looking adoringly at my husband.

Ted Kennedy: I'm on the wagon, I just hope I don't plunge this station wagon into a body of water and drown Bambi, my new intern.

Pat Robertson: The Lord spoke to me last night and told me I was full of crap.

Jerry Falwell: I've seen the light, homosexuality is not a sin and I've invited Lance Bass to my home for a private concert.

Snoop Dogg: I ain't had no weed in most a year. Yo, anybody gots some Doritos, I's really hungry.

Star Jones: Of course I love Barbara Walters, and I lost those 269 pounds sweating to the Oldies with Richard Simmons.

Paris Hilton: I'm celibate

Believe it or not, the last quote was actually uttered by Paris Hilton. The 25-year old socialite who gained international notoriety when a former lover posted a videotape of the couple having sex on the Internet denied leading a promiscuous lifestyle in an interview with GQ magazine.

"I'm not having sex for a year. … I'll kiss, but nothing else," says Hilton, who claims to have had sex with only two men during her lifetime.

Paris will give up sex for a year, yeah right! And Oprah will give up bonbons for a year, and George W. Bush won't get into any more messes before he leaves the White House.

Sure, Paris is celibate, and I'm going to stop being such a smart ass.

[DWG]

You sound PO'd Font. You figure this year was your best shot at nailing that munchken?

[Osotogary]

Paris Hilton: I'm celibate
And I, of course, am the King of Siam! LOL
She didn't quantify that statement into a particular time frame. So, yes, at the moment she said that she was celibate, she could very well have been celibate.

[fontman]

You sound PO'd Font. You figure this year was your best shot at nailing that munchken?

Nope; she doesn't have any tits...

[DWG]

She makes enough money to buy a set of Dollys' old ones-guess she wouldn't be able to stand up though!

[jennifer]

Not having sex for a year!!!??? PFFT ya frickin right. You know that she broke that already.