Camps commander honors duty to her family, Marines
Colonel accepts separation from children so they can get needed care in States
By David Allen, Stars and Stripes
Pacific edition, Monday, November 28, 2005

CAMP FOSTER, Okinawa — As a mother and stepmom of six children back in the States, Marine Col. Adrienne Fraser Darling says she doesn’t feel alone on Okinawa as the holiday season gets into full swing.

As commander of Headquarters and Service Battalion for the III Marine Expeditionary Force and the commander of camps Foster and Lester, a position much like being the mayor of a small town, she has a lot of “family” to be with here during her two-year unaccompanied tour.

There are her Marines to keep her company, all 1,400 of them, plus the civilians in the battalion. And then there are the 15,000 or so people who live and work on the two bases she runs.

It’s a big family.

“But that’s my background,” she said during an interview on Camp Foster. “I grew up in a large German-Irish Catholic family.”

Fraser Darling, 51, is a native of New Rochelle, N.Y., and one of eight children. She’s been a Marine for almost 25 years and has been married to Michael McCormick, a retired Marine lieutenant colonel, for 15 years.

He has three children from a previous marriage, now 35, 34 and 24. They were teens when she married their dad, but she always wanted children of her own.

“I always wanted to be a mommy, but God had a different plan for me,” Fraser Darling said. “I had five miscarriages.”

During that time, her twin sister adopted two Russian boys. But their 8-year-old brother remained in Russia and Fraser Darling decided in 1996 to adopt him.

“He was listed as a special-needs kid, but that didn’t bother us,” she said with a smile. “All children have special needs. I really wanted a little girl, but we couldn’t leave that boy in Russia. So we prayed on it.

“God must have listened,” she said. “We also found two little girls, also with special needs, who needed a home.”

The boy, Vadim, now is 17. The girls, Carlton and Lilya, both are 12. They are living with Fraser Darling’s husband in Alexandria, Va.

“Because they have special needs — Carlton has epilepsy and a learning disorder, Lilya has cerebral palsy and has a withered limb and Vadim has some emotional issues — they couldn’t get the medical treatment they needed here on Okinawa,” Fraser Darling said. “So, I came here unaccompanied.”

She probably could have taken some other assignment, but that’s not her way.

“Before I came here I was the first woman officer in charge of manpower for the Corps,” she said. “I sent a lot of Marines to Iraq. Some never came back. I also had to send people on unaccompanied tours, leaving their families behind. So, it was my obligation as a Marine officer to come out here.

“It’s very hard on the kids, but I had a responsibility to come,” she said. “It was a very hard decision. The bottom line was it was my time to come overseas.”

Meanwhile, back in Alexandria, her husband has found out what other military spouses go through.

“I class myself as the typical military spouse, who faces the same challenges as do most wives of military guys. With Adrienne deployed, I now have a deep appreciation of what spouses go through,” he said in a telephone interview.

McCormick, 55, is a senior program manager for EDO Corp., a defense contractor. He was a logistics officer in the Corps, and says he did “a few” tours on Okinawa.

“But I have it easier than some of these young wives, especially with babies or young children,” he said. “It takes a community.

“You know, Hillary Clinton was absolutely right when she wrote that book, because it does take a community” to raise a child in the military, he said. “I get up at about 4:15 every day, and go off to work. By then the girls are all set up with lunches set up, the clothes laid out, and they get themselves to school. And when they come home, we have a tutor and a housekeeper there waiting for them, before I get home. I get home about 5:30 or 6, and we cook the dinner and do the lunches for the next day.”

Fraser Darling said she’s been able to go home every three months or so, and the family is planning a Christmas get-together at her twin sister’s house in Albuquerque, N.M.

In the meantime, the battalion is Fraser Darling’s family.

“I have a fantastic battalion,” she said. “They’re some of the best people I’ve ever worked with.”

As the “mayor” of camps Foster and Lester she maintains close contact with the mayors of the four cities that host the bases.

“They’ve been very kind to me,” Fraser Darling said. “We have a lot of community relations and cultural exchange programs. A lot of our Marines volunteer to teach English at local schools and we have regular community projects like beach cleanups.”

Fraser Darling is a woman on the move — literally.

One day she’s donating toys at the opening for the Marine Reserve’s Toys for Tots campaign, the next she’s pinning a Iraq Campaign Medal on one of her Marines or getting ready to conduct a town meeting.

She also volunteers regularly at the Marine Thrift Shop on Camp Foster.

“She’s just incredible, simply awesome,” said Rachelle Guerra, the shop’s manager.

“She’s very motivational, especially when she’s here volunteering and there are some single Marines here. She’ll just talk them up about getting a good education and bettering themselves and reaching goals that maybe they didn’t think they could make.”

Earlier this month, at the opening for the Toys for Tots drive, Fraser Darling dropped a few toys in the collection boxes to show her appreciation for the program that helped her family when they were in need.

It proved to her why the Marine Corps is like one big family.

“We had a fire three years ago just after Christmas and lost everything,” she said. “My enlisted Marines bought me a new set of cammies and there was this outpouring of clothing and household goods, and even boxes of toys for my children,” she said. “I’ve never been so touched in all my life.”

Fraser Darling says she tries not to take her work home with her. But she brings a lot of what she’s learned from her family experiences to work.

“They help me become a more compassionate and engaging leader,” she said. “ … One thing I try to make sure of is that my Marines are taken care of.”

She said that being a woman and Marine officer has been a challenge, and one of her biggest challenges is akin to raising an adolescent child.

“It’s taking these 19-year-old kids, these Marines, and attempting to give them some direction to their lives — some goals,” she said. “You could spend your whole life just spinning your wheels or you can ensure America’s future by training these young men and women to become hard-working, responsible adults.”

She’s been on Okinawa for 16 months, but hesitates to list her biggest accomplishments since taking command.

“You can’t ask me to take credit for anything,” she said. “There are a lot of other people involved in making this a great place to be. All I am doing is ensuring that I have a positive impact on the Marines, their families and the civilians under my care.”

Stars and Stripes Pentagon Bureau Chief Pat Dickson contributed to this report.

Ellie