sometimes, it's just too hard....

[HardJedi]

I moved out on my own at 14( had an older brother sign a lease for me) Iworked and worked, and i even graduated high school a year early. ( which I was told I couldn't do)

I joined the Marines and went to boot a month after my 18th birthday. I joined because I was told I could never do it. And it was hard, but I made it. in the infantry no less.

I got out, found a job, and worked my ass off, and became a store manager, when i was told no one with out a college degree could BE a manager for this company. but I did it. I never gave up.


My wife left, and moved halfway across the country. with my daughter. But I didn't let that stop me. I kept on pluggiing.

But, and here's the thing. I think it's finally time to give up. I will probbly get made fun of on here for saying this, becuase Mariines never quit, right? Well, all Marines are human, as well, are we not? and while the Marine in me has fought as long and hard as he can, the human heart has broken, and the will to fight has fled.

With no purpose, and fewer and fewer friends at my side, I just don't think I can do it anymore.

Do I write here for sympathy? do I write this as a goodbye? why DO I write this, on our nations birthday, one of the best day's of the year? ( next to memorial day)? Do I write, because as my bothers and sisters, I just want you to know? I am not sure. clarity has fled along with hope, and I only ramble now.

so, no one knows what tomorrrow brings, and neither do I. I write this becasue I feel I must.

Remember,

Not all who flee are cowards, some are just................broken.


They say when times get tough, the tough get going, well, that's just waht I think I'll do.......get going.


Remember, watch your back at all times, you never know who is gonna turn on you, or rather, where the hostile fire will come from next

[DSchmitke]

HardJedi I know where you are coming from. My first wife left me for an MP at Cherry Pt. Moved across country and married that SOB to leave him 3 yrs later for another guy who give her AIDS. So I just look on the bright side now I have a wife who truely loves me. Lige goes on & on.

[top1371]

No matter how bad it gets, it can always get better. Reevaluate the situation... and pick up the pieces.

I have been there and back.

Semper Fi,

Top

[thedrifter]

HardJedi

Listen to Your Inner Voice
Be Still and Listen


Believe
Be Brave and Believe

Pick Up the Pieces...You are A Fighter....You have proven that from Your Past.....

We all have Our Ups and Downs....and Sometimes we feel that we have more downs in Our Life......Hell I understand....We just don't want to carry on.......but We Must......

You are Young....A Fighter.....With A Bright Future...You have A Daughter that Looks Up to You for Her Future (Even if You don't see that now)....You have went through many hurdles in Your Life.....You need to Now Look Into Yourself...and See that Person Again.....Which Accomplish...All the Missions...That made You What You Are Now........

Ellie

[Osotogary]

Listen, HardJedi.
Many, many, moons ago I was on the brink, if you know what I mean. I was in the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge and had even tossed a piece of paper off to see what the wind currents were like. Heck, I knew that the wter was cold and savage with it's currents. Then for some strange reason i thought that it would be just my luck to jump and land in the smoke stack of some freighter that was passing bye. Not too cool. I even thought of those poor souls who jumped off the brige and landed on land...and lived. How were they going to explain that to their psychoanalyst? Then, and I swear this is the truth, I wondered what kind of dive I would do? I had entered a diving contest when I was in the seventh grade. I knew I could nail a jack-knife but I wasn't quite sure I could do one at this height . Then I thought that I'd better ditch the dive idea and just get myself a cape. What color? Probably red. Well, by this time I got to thinking that no matter what I had gone through, no matter what kind of sorrow or despair I was experiencing I was PUT ON THIS EARTH FOR A REASON. It then became apparent to me that I had a purpose in life...even though I certainly didn't know what it was.
Hard Jedi. Take one step after another. YOU WERE PUT ON THIS EARTH FOR A REASON. One step after another and then another. yOU WILL DO FINE. Take care.
Gary

[devildog21345]

HardJedi

I wont bore you with details but I just lost a divorce case in which I lost everything including my pension of $1,140 a month. the judge awarded her alimony and health ins. Plus I was put in a situtation where if I go back to Pa. I will go to jail for contempt of court. That means as long as I live i will never see my children or grand children again. I dont want symphty from anyone I just remembered my Marine training and picked myself up. I now have a job on base at CLNC plus I got back into doing photography. Dont make a lot of money but have a heck of a good time doing it. Semper Fi Devildog21345

[thedrifter]

devildog21345

I don't know where in PA this was done to You but we are suppost to be a 50/50 State.......You Have Rights Too.........

The lawyer that Roger and I had to fight his ex.....He was a lawyer for the Man's and Father's Rights.......

I hope things can change for You.....you were done wrong....



In the 26 years of marriage to Roger I never met his two sons..(We paid child support till both turned 21).... They didn't want to be bothered by Roger......Well 2 days after their father's death (Hell I didn't even bury him yet) , ex and boys.....wanted into my life.....Told them to leave me alone....You didn't want Your Father when he was alive, why should I take You in now........I stated if you want to speak to me again....they can contact me through my lawyer....

Oh just that you understand about his other 2 boys,...they stated they could not make the funeral because they could not take off from work....Too short of a notice......Hell now you have to state when you are going to die......

my children say they have no older brother's


Ellie

[HardJedi]

Thanks everyone. I am not in as bad a place tonight as I was this morning. Thanks in large part to your words. Ostogary, a Special thanks goes to you, for reminding me of a principal i have long known, and often preached to others,

When you feel like you can't move another inch, just take one more step. and then another. a lesson I learned In boot camp.

It's still not easy, and Things still sem bleak, but as I have been reminded here and in a few PM'S, there is my daughter. I have tried to live my life to serve others as best I can, and to alway's give more of myself than I take. I guess I finally just got tired of the giving, and not recieving anything in return. Kinda the " when's it gonna be my turn lord?" thing. But then, I also remembered that TRUE sacrifice accepts and expects no reward.

I guess After a REALLY bad night, possibly the worst of my life, I was just feeling really selfish. That's human though, right? To be selfish sometimes? I have for so long tried to hold myself to a higher standard than those around me. And then to get spit on in return for this. it just finally broke my heart. And no, I am not talking about the wife and daughter thing. that happened two years ago, and i have come to terms with that, although, obviously, I had forgotten the warmth of my daughters love, to have the thoughts I had.

Thanks for always being here, and for arguing with me, and agreeing with me, and all the rest. I am not saying all is ok again, I am just saying, when I wake up in the morning, I WILL take, at the very least, one more step forward.

Semper Fi'

[snipowsky]

HardJedi I got your back brother!

If you need someone to talk to or someone to vent towards...I'm all ears brother!

No offense to the ladies out there... BUT remember HardJedi who ate the apple in the "Garden of Eden"? It was EVE! That should show you how wicked women can be.

I don't have any lady problems THANK GOD. I do have my problems with the V.A. screwing me over and over on my service connected disabilities. And I also feel like you do at times. Wanting to just give up and say it isn't meant to be. Well it is meant to be. God doesn't give you more then you can handle. He knows what you are capable of.

I won't ever quit. Well maybe when I'm dead, but that's about it. I've given up on VSO's (Veterans Service Organizations) i.e. DAV, American Legion, Amvets. I have a legitimate lawyer now who specializes in V.A. law and I'm taking the fight to them. Forget all this pussy footing around with organizations that do nothing to help Veterans. Organizations like these only make problems, they don't solve them. Not to mention they were founded by the federal government? Now what side do you think they are on? Definitely not for the American Veterans.

I am speaking from experience...so anything anyone has to tell me about how good they really are would be better off telling a brick wall. I'M NOT HEARING IT...NOR WOULD I EVER BELIEVE IT.

What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger and you know this. Think about your daughter whenever you get down. She should be your inspiration and your drive to do your best.

I just wanted to say no matter what Marines here @ Leatherneck.com care about you and what is going on with you. I'd never turn my back on any brother or sister Marine, even one I dislike. Not saying I dislike HardJedi, he knows better. I just couldn't do it to any Marine!

Keep your head up brother!

DON'T GIVE THOSE PRICKS THE SATISFACTION!

[david43844]

I've got your back here as well.........I've battaled divorce alcohol cancer and the list goes on. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.Semper Fi Brother......David

[Sparrowhawk]

when I have found myself in those places of life, I have just figured...



"It's just one more rice paddie I have to cross."

[Toby M]

So you see Hardjedi, there are a whole lot of us that have been in your shoes at one time or another but if we keep in mind that we have a lot of suport out there (even if we don't ask for it), we will get up one more time the next morning and the next...that's the main reason I read this website evryday-sometimes several times a day. When I think about how tough life is or how badly I have been mistreated, all I have to do is jump on Leatherneck.com and read another story of survival; another post about right and wrong...well, you get my drift. We're all here for each other!

[yellowwing]

Sheet! When I went through my divorce, I lost 30 pounds in 60 days. For some reason I thought I was the only male human being going through that crap.

My Apache Navy SEAL buddy pulled me through and got me to at least eat again. More importantly he taught me that my 'problems' were not unique.

[mrbsox]

Yes, we are human.
Yes, the body has a way of giving out.
Got out of a bad marriage years ago, been with this one 14 years in October.

Just got off the phone, with us trying to decide if we BOTH want to keep it going. Working 150+miles away all week is taking it's toll.
I'm spending more time thinking than working, 2 jobs, right now.

"You never fail to succeed, until you quit trying"
Eleanor Roosevelt (sp?)

We (Marines) tend to strive for more, because we don't want to settle for average. The world is FULL of average.
I'm above average.
YOU'RE above average.

Make a decision, and then succeed at it.

Semper Fi
Terry

[Arlene Horton]

Just wanted to add my best wishes and prayers to the rest of the groups comments. I learned way back in my boot camp days that Marines keep on going and offer support to other brother & sister Marines. Keep the faith, friend and SEMPER FI