Ocs (plc) personal statement

[swoldier001]

Marines,

I am currently applying for PLC. One of the application requirements includes a 100 word or less essay on why I desire to become a Marine Corps Officer. I want to share my own with the community, as well as receive constructive criticism regarding my personal statement. My rough draft is posted below. Thanks.

There are a plethora of reasons why I desire to become a Marine Corps Officer. The principal reason being, is that I want to be a leader of Marines. A Marine is an individual who dutifully upholds the core values of honor, courage, and commitment, and I aspire to be one to lead them. This path I have chosen is not easy and is very perilous. However, I deeply yearn to undertake this noble path to serve Corps and Country, lead the best of the best, and to make this world a better place. Most of all, I want to be a leader among the Few, the Proud, the Marines.

Similar Threads:

• What is a fiancial statement?
• Executing the Mission Statement
• A Statement of Valor
• Good Statement

[Rocky C]

I like it even if it is 110 words. You use the word lead and leader quite often tho and I wouldn't have posted that in an " Open Forum " where anyone on the internet can copy and paste it and use it for the same reason you are then you get spanked for plagiarism.

Best of luck to you.

Odd username also....

[swoldier001]

Thanks Rocky, I'll trim it down a few words and maybe add in some less repetitive vocab. You think I should delete this post then? Thanks.

[Rocky C]

Your welcome. No just get it in asap. It's a good tool for others to reference when they have to write one.

You did good

[djj34]

"A Marine is someone... I aspire to be one to lead them."

Should change that to "Marines are people who..." since you're using a singular noun and then use a plural pronoun regarding the same subject.

Also, it's surprisingly difficult to write only 100 words, isn't it?

[swoldier001]

Thanks for the advice sir, and indeed it is.

[LCPL1341]

Just a heads up, keep it to exactly 100 words. There is a reason they ask you for 100 words. You're being evaluated on your ability to follow simple instruction.

- Replace " I want to be a leader of The few the proud the Marines" with "I want to be an officer of Marines."

- Replace "I deeply yearn" with "I am eager" or something similar.

- Follow the Lieutenant's advice on singular vs plural and change "I aspire to be the one to lead them" with "I aspire to lead these men and women."

- Change "This path I have chosen will not be easy and is very perilous" to "This will not be an easy path."

If my math is correct, this should give you 99 words.

[swoldier001]

Thanks for the tips LCPL. I trimmed it down earlier today to 100 words, and I think I got it about where I want it.

[djj34]

Don't mess it up, I hear Captain Pretti has a lot of people up there

[Rocky C]

Here is an example of what I was telling you. There are hundreds of OCS essays online.

The writer of this one is currently a Captain in the Marine Corps. Count the words. 100.

"When I made the decision to join the military, I researched every branch. The Marines stood out to me due to their sense of brotherhood, their emphasis on morals, and the intensity of Marine Corps training. It would be an honor to be a leader in what I consider to be the best trained, closest-knit, and most morally upstanding branch of any military organization in the world. In life there are easy paths and hard paths. I believe that the difficult path is more rewarding than the alternative, and that is why I want to be a Marine Corps officer."

[swoldier001]

Thanks for the advice Rocky, the captain's essay is a sound example and effectively answers the prompt. Haha and yeah dj, it's an awesome rss. Also I fixed that grammar error you mentioned yesterday. I'll keep you guys posted on my application status.

[Rocky C]

Guys ? You mean Marines right ? There are Male and Female Marines on this forum.

That was another " Attention to detail " test. Hahahahaha.

You're going to love it here lol.

[djj34]

It's been two weeks. In for an update. I hope RS Sacramento was as fun as it was when I was

[swoldier001]

Dj,

At the moment I am finishing up my references for my packet, but other than my last reference i'm awaiting, I have completed the packet. Almost all of my references include SNCO'S or Officer's from various branches. Once I receive my last reference, I'll be squared away for contracting. Thanks for the check up. Will post when I have other questions, to respond to a question or comment, and if I get selected or not.

[Hammer]

swoldier001;
Can you see the Avatar that DJ uses? He's an officer and as such you will address him as Lieutenant, or Sir, or Marine. You will give him the respect he deserves and warrants. You've been called on this before. Any other infraction by you will result in a time out from the forum.