The Oath of Enlistment

[Burke7051]

Ok, I know one of the Poolees already posted this in the Poolee-only forum, but I thought I'd post one here too so everyone can comment if they'd like, plus the one in the Poolee forum doesn't have the Coast Guard one, so here it is

US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT:

"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep if I were to join the Navy or the Coast Guard. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services.


I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will,
at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After
completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, doughnut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"

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US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT:

"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the
UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date.


I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine
because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the
only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I
acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of
service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY."


I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will
help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working
construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to
everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!"

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US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT:

"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years
of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet."

I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely
different from the other services and make absolutely no sense
whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year.
I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!"

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U.S. COAST GUARD OATH OF ENLISTMENT:

"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. However, I swear to defend our position as the fifth branch of the Armed Services, although at one point we were under the Department of Homeland Security. I understand that at least twice a day, someone will refer to me as a member of the Air Force or Navy, and when I correct them, they will question my military status. I will work on boats the size of kayaks and small yachts and that are decorated with a huge orange stripe across the bow of them, during the worst of natures storms, and receive no thanks or notice form the public. I will rarely, if never, EVER, have the opportunity to travel overseas. I will fly in helos into the eye of the storm to rescue people dumber then rocks, and then be heckled by the same people when I bust them for transporting drugs two months later.!

I will come in contact with so many pollutants during my tenure, that I will glow in the dark for the rest of my natural life and refer to myself as "salty" because of it.

I will do my best to work 8 to 3, with a two hour lunch, on normal days, and have my pager and cell phone surgically attached, SO HELP ME GOD.
I will prevent thousands of gallons of pollution, but be accused of impeding the economy when I won't allow vessels to pour oil into the ocean. I will be the red-headed step child to all of the other services, although I know I got the better deal. All of my equipment will be discarded Navy property. I will use most of my time in the Coast Guard to take college classes, and perfect my web surfing abilities, then complain that I work too much. I will perfect avoiding PT at all costs, and do my best to attend training that will give me a great competitive edge in the career field of my choice, making retention efforts of the Coast Guard pointless.

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US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT:

"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-
and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....

fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....

blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....

sailors wives.....air
strikes....

SIR yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....

Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH!

So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"

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[Hawk7051]

I wonder what spawned this post? Hmmmm...I wonder.

[Burke7051]

I wonder what spawned this post? Hmmmm...I wonder.

Haha, beats me.