Need Army jokes

[prym8]

Quick...My nephew is in the Army, just back from Iraq, and he is constantly raggin' me with comparisons between the Army and Marines. I'm not very quick witted and usually just punch him in the chest to shut him up. I would like to nail him with some jokes about the Army. Any suggestions?

[Tennessee Top]

Yeah...keep nailing him in the chest! Maybe he'll get the message eventually. If not, nail him in the head.

[TunTvrnWarrior]

A.R.M.Y.: Aint a Real Marine Yet

Actually real life Army situations are a real joke. Have a look at this video: http://youtu.be/N_TlXlo1YUQ

[chulaivet1966]

I'm terrible at jokes and never tell them.
But...this one was going around when I was in and I've had two cups on MY coffee so here a rendition...

"Soldier.....there's a drunken Marine at the top of the hill talking sh!t about us.
Go get that Marine and bring him here to me"
The Soldier comes rolling back down the hill all beat to hell.

The Soldier Officer sends a fire team up the hill..."bring that Marine to me ASAP"
Three Soldiers come rolling down the hill bloodied and demoralized.

A platoon is sent up the hill to bring the Marine down for some good old Army punishment.
The whole platoon comes back down from the hill, again, bloodied and humiliated.

The Army Officer is in disbelief and grabs a limping Soldier for an explanation.
"Private....what the hell is the problem in bringing in that Marine?"
The Soldier responds...."...sorry sir, it's a trap....there's two of them"

You may get a better rendition if others recall this one.
Maybe you can make it actually funny which I'm generally unable to do.

Carry on....

[Phantom Blooper]

A US Army private filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course was stymied by the question, “How long has your present employer been in business?” He thought for a moment, and then wrote, “Since 1776.”

______________________________


Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.
"Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."
"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle." "What was the jingle?" asked the first. "Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."

[DRB]

A.R.M.Y.: Aint a Real Marine Yet

Actually real life Army situations are a real joke. Have a look at this video: http://youtu.be/N_TlXlo1YUQ

I didn't have it that easy.

[ggyoung]

When I got out of the Corps and came home the local National Guard commander ask me if I wanted to join the battery of S.P. 155's. I ask him what I would be doing, he said what rank I got out as. I said a Sgt. E-5. He said I would be a gunner. I said that would be a disgrace to my Sgt. in the Corps. I was a Cpl. and was a section chief of a M-55 8 inch S.P. I did not join. The big thing about the Marines is in you rank you will have the duties of E-5 to E6. That is no joke. You are better than any US Army solder.

[SGT7477]

army= aren't really men yet, Semper Fidelis.

[m14ed]

I agree with the top

Just keep thumpin' him !

[hbharrison]

I to agree with the top Just keep thumpin' him !
Maybe he will wize up but being Army maybe not?

[DRB]

When I got out of the Corps and came home the local National Guard commander ask me if I wanted to join the battery of S.P. 155's. I ask him what I would be doing, he said what rank I got out as. I said a Sgt. E-5. He said I would be a gunner. I said that would be a disgrace to my Sgt. in the Corps. I was a Cpl. and was a section chief of a M-55 8 inch S.P. I did not join. The big thing about the Marines is in you rank you will have the duties of E-5 to E6. That is no joke. You are better than any US Army solder.

Not really on your last sentence but I won't debate on a Marine forum.

[sgtjimh]

The difference between the Army and the Boy Scouts is that the Boy scouts have adult leadership.

[awbrown1462]

[awbrown1462]

[fespar]

I thought the Army WAS a joke!