Poolee getting married...need advice

[Marinestepmom]

Nick is in his third week of boot camp now. His wife just received the postcard with his address (as well as a list of what can and cannot be sent) a few days ago, so we can all write to him now. I don't expect much in the way of return letters from him because he's not much of a reader or writer--plus I know that he has very limited free time. I don't know if his wife has written to him yet. I've tried to keep in touch with her, have invited her over for dinner, offered to help her pay for obedience training for the puppy she bought for Nick right before he left, offered to take her shopping for a new outfit to celebrate starting her first full-time job last week (with Quicken Loans), but have been turned down. I will admit that I have had a bad feeling about her and the whole marriage situation right from the start (can't put my finger on exactly why), but whatever happens down the road with the marriage, for the time being, she is my stepdaughter-in-law and I'm trying to play nice.

I went on her Facebook page and, other than her 'signature' photo that appears with all her posts, there are no photos of Nick or the wedding...very strange.

I haven't written to Nick yet, but I will keep my gut feelings to myself and stay upbeat and positive. His graduation is November 23rd. I am looking forward to it.

[Marinestepmom]

We received our first letter from Nick a couple of days ago...he reminds me of a kid who's at summer camp for the first time and is homesick. (Anyone out there remember 'Camp Granada' by Allan Sherman??) Anyway, he has been ill (didn't provide details) and had his wisdom teeth pulled. He got yelled at a lot the first week or so but it seems to have calmed down. He said they march a lot...he's been attending church every Sunday, which I think is wonderful. He and his brother both attended Catholic school from kindergarten on and I think they felt they'd had too much Mass. Both stopped attending regularly after high-school graduation, and Nick's bride is not Catholic and her family doesn't go to church, so his regular attendance is a welcome surprise.

The other thing that struck me is his emotion in the letter. He ended his letter by saying that he loved his dad and me so much...I almost cried.

He also asked us to please give Cosmo (our golden retriever) a big hug and a treat and to send him the Detroit Free Press when the Detroit Tigers won their division (already happened).

Not once did he even hint that he didn't like where he was or what he was doing...good thing! I am proud of him.

[Lisa 23]

Sounds like he's doing OK so far, and being homesick is normal...it happens, especially to those who've never been away from home before.
Nice to hear that he's attending church.
Getting wisdom teeth out during boot camp is normal....my nephew did when he went through boot camp 2 years ago.
Keep sending him letters...they're very important! And if you don't have the training matrix already, you can follow along here......
http://www.mcrdpi.usmc.mil/training/schedule.asp

This will give you a general idea of where he's at during recruit training.

[Sizemore]

being in the corps will definitely put the maturity in him, but my advice to him is a Woman needs a man that can be there for her when she not just asks him to be but when she doesnt, that way he's there before she needs him, its sometimes easy to grow away from someone you hardly ever see and when i was in after i went to boot i didnt come home or see any family for over a year

[Marinestepmom]

His graduation date is November 23rd. He'll be home for 10 days, but he's been told that he'll have to work with the recruiter during that time to visit high schools and promote the Marines, so it won't be all fun and games. A couple of days before the wedding, his mother-in-law told me that his bride was saving her money so that she could go visit Nick every weekend while he was in combat training and MOS. Now she has a full-time job that requires her to work a minimum of 2 Saturdays a month, and she's looking for a 'serious roommate' (her words) to share a house with her. I know from personal experience that when you rent a house or apartment, you usually have to sign a lease for 1 year. Since Nick will likely get his first deployment less than a year from now, that makes me wonder if she either realizes that she may not be able to go with him--or that she's not planning on going with him. I didn't mention her looking for a roommate when I wrote him last. I figured that's her business if she wants to tell him or not.

I am really glad that he seems to be doing well. I think his time in the Marines will be the best thing that's happened to him so far. I can't wait to see him at graduation.

[Marinestepmom]

We received another letter from Nick a couple of days ago. He passed his swimming test, so that's a good thing. He also told us that he'd had a couple of cavities filled, so his teeth are all good now. We knew about the cavities before he left and advised him to take care of them before we left because we figured that our dentist might be a little more gentle than a Marine dentist, but he didn't heed our advice, so...he also has tonsillitis, so he may have to have them removed. I know that if he spends too much time in the infirmary, it will set him back. Hopefully, he will heal quickly.

He mentioned in a letter to his mother that when he came home after graduation, he was going to see if he could work at the recruiter's office so he would be able to be home for the holidays and not go back for combat training until after the New Year. Since his graduation is scheduled for November 23rd, he would be home for over a month. Is this even a possibility?

[MOS4429]

We received another letter from Nick a couple of days ago. He passed his swimming test, so that's a good thing. He also told us that he'd had a couple of cavities filled, so his teeth are all good now. We knew about the cavities before he left and advised him to take care of them before we left because we figured that our dentist might be a little more gentle than a Marine dentist, but he didn't heed our advice, so...he also has tonsillitis, so he may have to have them removed. I know that if he spends too much time in the infirmary, it will set him back. Hopefully, he will heal quickly.

He mentioned in a letter to his mother that when he came home after graduation, he was going to see if he could work at the recruiter's office so he would be able to be home for the holidays and not go back for combat training until after the New Year. Since his graduation is scheduled for November 23rd, he would be home for over a month. Is this even a possibility?

Thanks for keeping us updated. Having teeth fixed while in boot camp is normal. They do an initial examination and then they rate your teeth (at least that's what they used to do), and you keep going back until they are taken care of. Don't worry about he seeing a Marine dentist. The Marine Corps doesn't have any dentists. Instead they use auto mechanics who pull teeth with vice grips, drill them out with Black & Decker drills, and fill them with window putty. (Just kidding, of course.) But in reality the Navy has dentists, and they are not much different than any other dentist. I had my wisdom teeth out after boot camp. They did a good job on the first set, and on the second two taken out, the dentist actually did use vice grips, and that I kid you not. But they were sterile, and it made sense, because he grabbed on to the tooth, and in no time pulled it out. It was much cleaner than when I had the first two out with conventional dental instruments. I was in for 9 years, and I only saw one dentist that I didn't particularly like, but how many civilian dentists are there we may not like. So, he's getting good care is the bottom line.

As far as the work at the recruiter's office, after boot camp, he will be sent to his MOS school. How much time he may be allowed off is dependent on when the school begins. If it begins December 5, for instance, he's not going to stay home on recruiter's assistance duty. But I believe that is what he is talking about is requesting recruiter's assistance duty. He can always ask. Probably won't happen, though, so I wouldn't get my hopes up too much.

Glad to hear he is doing well. BTW, getting tonsilitis, laryngitis, colds and the like happens. He is living in close quarters with probably about 70 other recruits, so when one gets something, it's not unusual for a bunch more to get ill. And I don't remember if he was going to PI or SD, but if going to SD, they bus you to Pendleton about midway through, and though only 30 miles north, it is quite a climate change.

[Lisa 23]

This might help you out some......

Marine Corps Recruit Assistance
While on leave, recruits may be selected for the “Permissive Recruiter Assistance Support Program” (PRASP) to help out USMC recruiting efforts in their hometowns.

Recruiter’s assistance is an opportunity for a new Marine, home on a post-boot camp 10-day leave, to work at their local recruiter’s office. It’s a great way to work towards a promotion.

A lot of Marines really enjoy this opportunity, as they are proud to have recently earned the title of “Marine” and are now back home as a new person.

PTAD: USMC

PTAD is “Permissive Temporary Assigned Duty”, which, in this case, means “recruiter’s assistance”. Not every Marine is even eligible for recruiter’s assistance; it depends largely on what MOS you are in. Specifically, infantry Marines and reservists are not eligible for recruiting assistance duty.

So what does USMC recruit assistance entail? Well, it’s usually long hours (often it’s from 7am-7pm Mon-Sat) where you will assist recruiters in your hometown. The job changes depending on the needs of the recruiters, but in general, it means accompanying recruiters to talk about the Corps to high school-aged teens around town. You may attend events, go to shopping malls or other locations where potential recruits may be found and you’ll relate to them as someone from their own town who chose to join the Marine Corps. You’ll answer their questions and help prepare poolees for boot camp. Who better to give useful advice than a Marine fresh from boot camp? Also, recruit assistants help with a random assortment of tasks like scheduling training events and calling interested people.

Marine Corps recruit assistance does not have a set amount of time, but it tends to be about two weeks long.

http://marinecorpsrecruit.com/usmc-r...it-assistance/



Recruiter's Assistance after Bootcamp Graduation

http://www.recruitparents.com/bootcamp/ra.asp

[vets rep]

Almost everyone in my platoon (not boot camp platoon, but fleet platoon) who got married while in service has gotten divorced (some even multiple times).

Now that I think of it, I can only recall one of my platoon mates that is still married, but he was married way prior to joining the corps.

[Marinestepmom]

We just found out that Nick told his mom in his last letter to her that he wished he hadn't joined...but we were told to expect that. I think as time goes on and he gets deeper into it that he will eventually realize what an accomplishment this is and he will feel pride in becoming a Marine. This is the biggest thing he's ever done so far and he made the choice on his own to enlist. Even if he's not proud of himself yet, we certainly are proud of him and have let him know this.

He's now into Week 5. I hope that if he has to spend time in the infirmary for his tonsils, that he doesn't lose too much ground.

I had mentioned earlier that his new wife got him a puppy for his birthday a week before he left. From what I have observed, I don't think she has it anymore--probably the best thing (depending on what she did with it) as she does not have the resources or the maturity to give the dog proper care. She also told me she's getting a new car this weekend. Originally she said she wanted to wait until Nick graduated so they could make their first 'big purchase' together, but the car she was driving died, so she really doesn't have a choice. Not sure if she told Nick yet.

I will update when we get our next letter.


He's now into

[vets rep]

We just found out that Nick told his mom in his last letter to her that he wished he hadn't joined...but we were told to expect that. I think as time goes on and he gets deeper into it that he will eventually realize what an accomplishment this is and he will feel pride in becoming a Marine.

My first hours in boot camp I felt like I made the biggest mistake in my life by joining. I would constantly whine and complain about how much the military sucked...but whenever I got leave I was one of those show offs...running around town with my USMC shirt on, and looking for opportunities to get into my dress uniform. hehehe.....I'm sure your son will be the same.

When I left the marine corps I swore that I would never become one of those crusty old vets that joins clubs and wears hats with pins in them, but look at me now...I'm a member of at least 3-4 veterans clubs, members of veteran forums such as this, and I'm constantly calling my old platoon mates to shoot the breeze with.

My Dad was so ****ed when I joined, but everytime we go out to a social function, he's the first one telling people that his "son is a u.s. marine"--

This post might sound cheezy, but I bet its true for a lot of devil dogs.

[Marinestepmom]

We received updates on Nick's progress...he's now completed rappelling and the gas chamber. He thought both of these were fun (!), can't wait to find out how he does with rifles. He still misses everyone at home but seems like he's already grown up by leaps and bounds. I'm really proud of him and am looking forward to Family Day and graduation.

I think the thing that impresses me most is that he passed his written test. This might sound strange, but since Nick has ADD, he has always had trouble taking tests and needed a lot of help in preparing. So this is a big deal. One thing that is definitely in his favor is that he is around people who did not know him as the kid with ADD that struggled in school. They only know him as a Marine recruit.

His bride bought a 2012 Ford Focus and an iPhone. She seems to be having a good time partying with her friends...not sure where she's getting the money, since a few weeks ago, she said she couldn't save enough to buy a car because she was paying Nick's bills. I wonder if her source would like to buy me a new car too--I drive a 2001 Taurus with 165,000 miles on it.

More to come...

[Marinestepmom]

Last Friday, we received a letter from Nick that he'd written the prior Sunday (the 23rd) that almost broke my heart. He didn't qualify in his firearms test the first time around and apologized three different times in the letter, saying that he was sorry he'd let us down and that he was trying his best. He also sounded hurt that his new wife bought a new car without him after she said she wanted to wait for him to come home so they could make their first big purchase together. (He called it 'her car', not 'our car' in the letter. Nick would never admit to being hurt over something like that, but I know him well enough to read between the lines.) He did state that he had the week to work toward his qualification. I wrote him back and told him that he should NEVER think that he was letting us down, that we were very proud of what he had accomplished so far, that he is stronger, smarter, and more capable than he thinks he is, and that I knew he could qualify on the next try. (If you recall, I stated previously that Nick has ADD.) His wife texted me last night that he passed. Now we can breathe...at least until the Crucible. I'm sure all the recruits get nervous about it. We were told that if one recruit fails, the whole platoon fails. Boy, talk about a reason to succeed...

Bride went to a Halloween party last Friday dressed as a 'French pinup girl' (her description)...I didn't see photos yet but am afraid to look anyway. I really wanted to tell her that she should dress as a married woman instead, but bit my tongue. I see trouble ahead.

[Phantom Blooper]

Good luck to recruit Nick....

The updates that you are given remind me of the old sitcom Peyton Place....

If the bride can't behave now and goes against everything that was said before the wedding and boot camp....there maybe T R O U B L E with a capital T when the recruit comes home.....especially if the French Pinup Girl has already had her tail pinned.

[Marinestepmom]

If you read my prior posts, you'll note that said bride is nineteen years old and that she and Nick had known each other a VERY short time when he proposed. (Actually, she was still eighteen when he asked.) She is acting like a nineteen-year-old and, as they say, when the cat's away, the mice will play. I have a bad feeling that she will cheat on him (if she hasn't already) and that she will get pregnant by someone other than Nick. I think she does love him, but in a teenage sort of way, and neither one of them has any clue whatsoever about marriage.

I can tell by Nick's letters that he has already grown up considerably since he entered boot camp, but I don't think that she has changed at all. When they first started dating (less than a year ago, and they've already been married for more than three months), we thought that she might be good for him since he seemed headed down the wrong path and she seemed to be pretty calm and quiet. We now know that she's a heavy-duty partier and she drinks a lot (her own words).

Divorce is not pleasant, but I do not wish to see my stepson played for a fool and have his feelings trampled. Every day, I pray for Nick's safety (and my gut feeling is that he will be safe no matter where he is deployed) and for this marriage to turn out as it is meant to be--and also for Nick to learn whatever lesson(s) come from this experience the first time so he does not become a 'repeat offender' and go through multiple divorces.

What I am hoping for (if the marriage is not meant to be) is that Nick matures enough during his time in the Marines to realize the error in getting married too young, too soon, and for the wrong reasons--and that he does not create a child to further complicate the issue.

I know that his primary focus must be on his service to his country. He enlisted by his own free will and he is bound to honor that commitment. Everything else must be secondary. I am not sure that his wife understands this.

I am SO happy he qualified in firearms. I can't wait to see him in his dress blues at graduation.