Gunny Sanchez Looks Back!
Create Post
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 20
  1. #1

    Post Gunny Sanchez Looks Back!

    I recall landing in Vietnam in a United Airlines plane and thinking what a way to enter a combat zone, I was sacred to death that we'd get hit and have no way to defend ourselves. I was talking to a friend of mine Mike Altrogge that was in motor-T and had landed in Vietnam back in 1966. He relayed to me that they had landed in ships and then went ashore in amtracks.

    But right from the start I felt like I was in a place I could never imagine existed. The smells were different as was the landscape. I remember the intensity of the heat and the Air base at Danang. Just outside that base there was a war going on and I was to soon to be in it. I didn't realize it at the time how many of us were just kids who hadn't learned yet what life was about in our own environments back home. I was eighteen and soon at the rank of Corporal I would be thrown into the role of squad leader.

    There is so much I can write about my experiences and I will here on these forums. I hear a lot of Marine combat vets say they didn't leave anything back in Nam they needed, but I can't help but wonder if they like me realize that they left their innocence and a part of their soul back there. I know that for me it took my grand children and all the mistakes I made with my wife and kids to make me work to get some of that back.

    I'm older today like a lot of the Vietnam Vets out there today and Vietnam at times just seems unreal, but I just can't put away thoughts of my fellow Marines and Docs that I served with, nor can I not share my thoughts with those of you who were there. Sharing now with all of you helps me put into perspective what I went through and gives me a place to feel somewhat sane abut the war.




    Read more: http://vietnamicorps.proboards.com/i...#ixzz12APDQF5Y


  2. #2
    Marine Free Member Riven37's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Buffalo NY
    Posts
    801
    Credits
    13,070
    Savings
    0
    Images
    3

    !

    There was nothing sane about an insane time in our young, young lives. For all the buddies I lost, all the events I lived through the loss of my youth still has a great impact today. I always feel like I am on the outside looking in at this world... often I feel I am still 18.

    Every man fights his own war, in his own way within himself. It is the only private experience that no one else will ever see or understand. His war like you war and mine is not for a book, flim, casually conversation, it is our most private experience any one human can experience. Unlike you, I will take this to my grave, this time of my life was ture horror as it was for you. I ask no Nam Vet what he went through we all just know.



  3. #3

    Post

    Quote Originally Posted by Riven37 View Post
    There was nothing sane about an insane time in our young, young lives. For all the buddies I lost, all the events I lived through the loss of my youth still has a great impact today. I always feel like I am on the outside looking in at this world... often I feel I am still 18.

    Every man fights his own war, in his own way within himself. It is the only private experience that no one else will ever see or understand. His war like you war and mine is not for a book, flim, casually conversation, it is our most private experience any one human can experience. Unlike you, I will take this to my grave, this time of my life was ture horror as it was for you. I ask no Nam Vet what he went through we all just know.

    While I respect what you say, I don't ask any other Vietnam Vet to discuss his war either, like you said it's a personal decision. Your personal war is not my personal war. I saw it from a different perspective as a squad leader. For me it's a healing process to some extent and after 39 years I'm ready to tell my story I have no shame in that.

    For too long our society had made us feel like we needed to be ashame about serving and acted like we started it. Like someone told me once, as young men during that war we were just victims of history, and were in the right place at the wrong time.


    I not only lost buddies but also lost Marines under my command, at age 18 that was a tough thing to do. But I will also write to honor and tell the story of the Marines I served with to let others know that we were not the war mongers they made us out to be!

    Semper Fi!

    Gunny S.


  4. #4
    I have great empathy with your comments, Riven37, as well as the feelings of Gunny S. I agree that each of us has our own personal war to deal with and I also have been most of my life very reticent to express myself publicly about my experiences in Vietnam. In the last few years, I decided to post on a few sites such as this one, for the same reasons as others may have, to assist me in healing and to hopefully repair some of the damage from my going it alone. The audience to whom I address my comments is more important to me then the number of people who I talk to. I usually can speak freely with other grunts but even then, much goes unsaid, as words are not really necessary. I have never hid my actions or my participation in the war from anyone but I learned long ago to internalize most things about it, hence why I and many others suffer in silence from what we now know to be PTSD. For the record, it took me almost 13 years to admit and realize that I carried this curse and it was only at the dedication of the Vietnam Memorial in November of '82 that I decided to reach out for assistance, the first and last time, by the way. There are far too many who choose to judge us that never walked in our shoes and I dare say that each of our stories has more similarities then differences, yet each is personal and unique only to that individual. Keeping it all inside for such a long time and dealing with the many and varied mistaken assumptions about those of us who actually fought the war on the ground, all of this seemed to reenforce my opinion that most people either didn't know the truth or weren't concerned with it anyway. The war criminals and the draft dodgers and the numerous political mistakes, as well as the eventual unpopularity of the war and the final resolution that most of us disagreed with, all of this led to many, such as myself and it seems Riven37, to internalize our disgust and anger with the war. I have always been proud of my service and I have always defended my actions and those of the fallen from attacks from every direction and I make no apology to anyone for what I know to be a war that had many more heroes then those either awarded medals of valor or those who reside on the Wall. As many have said before, I served with many heroes and I have not forgotten our accomplishments under horrendous circumstances. I wasn't in weapons platoon but I was a squad leader of grunts and before that I walked point and humped the radio and I do believe that I know what went on in the 2nd Battalion, 1st Marines as far as an 0311 in 1968-69 is concerned. I value the input and memories from all grunts and I pass judgement on no man but I do know the truth from bull****, as I'm sure you gentlemen do. To rewrite history in order to claim honor or courage or sacrifice of another is to me, unforgivable. That is why I have no tolerance of either posers or wannabes or those who choose to disrespect or dishonor those men that reside on the Wall.
    Semper Fi

    Last edited by 03Foxtrot; 10-13-10 at 03:02 PM. Reason: fubar

  5. #5

    Exclamation

    Quote Originally Posted by 03Foxtrot View Post
    I have great empathy with your comments, Riven37, as well as the feelings of Gunny S. I agree that each of us has our own personal war to deal with and I also have been most of my life very reticent to express myself publicly about my experiences in Vietnam. In the last few years, I decided to post on a few sites such as this one, for the same reasons as others may have, to assist me in healing and to hopefully repair some of the damage from my going it alone. The audience to whom I address my comments is more important to me then the number of people who I talk to. I usually can speak freely with other grunts but even then, much goes unsaid, as words are not really necessary. I have never hid my actions or my participation in the war from anyone but I learned long ago to internalize most things about it, hence why I and many others suffer in silence from what we now know to be PTSD. For the record, it took me almost 13 years to admit and realize that I carried this curse and it was only at the dedication of the Vietnam Memorial in November of '82 that I decided to reach out for assistance, the first and last time, by the way. There are far too many who choose to judge us that never walked in our shoes and I dare say that each of our stories has more similarities then differences, yet each is personal and unique only to that individual. Keeping it all inside for such a long time and dealing with the many and varied mistaken assumptions about those of us who actually fought the war on the ground, all of this seemed to reenforce my opinion that most people either didn't know the truth or weren't concerned with it anyway. The war criminals and the draft dodgers and the numerous political mistakes, as well as the eventual unpopularity of the war and the final resolution that most of us disagreed with, all of this led to many, such as myself and it seems Riven37, to internalize our disgust and anger with the war. I have always been proud of my service and I have always defended my actions and those of the fallen from attacks from every direction and I make no apology to anyone for what I know to be a war that had many more heroes then those either awarded medals of valor or those who reside on the Wall. As many have said before, I served with many heroes and I have not forgotten our accomplishments under horrendous circumstances. I wasn't in weapons platoon but I was a squad leader of grunts and before that I walked point and humped the radio and I do believe that I know what went on in the 2nd Battalion, 1st Marines as far as an 0311 in 1968-69 is concerned. I value the input and memories from all grunts and I pass judgement on no man but I do know the truth from bull****, as I'm sure you gentlemen do. To rewrite history in order to claim honor or courage or sacrifice of another is to me, unforgivable. That is why I have no tolerance of either posers or wannabes or those who choose to disrespect or dishonor those men that reside on the Wall.
    Semper Fi

    Again I respect what you say, Like you I also walked point. I was a tunnel rat and took my turn humping the M-60. Our squads were so small that we had to take turns doing just about everything. I was told I had PTSD while still on active duty and had sixteen years in but didn't by it.I didn't seek help until ten years after I retired. I thought my posting would be some good for those on this forum, but I see some are still not comfortable with that and I'll respect that and not post anything further.

    Semper Fi!

    Gunny S.




  6. #6
    Gunny S.,
    I for one wish you well and I do hope that you post when you want and what you want on this forum. It is your thread and I almost posted my own thread, so as not to distract from your own agenda or purpose. There are those who remain silent, but like me, there are those who only post occasionally, usually when we identify with the subject or the poster. I value your opinion and all of we grunts that walked the walk in Vietnam need to seek the companionship of those who share our legacy. I didn't stay in the Corps and so you and I probably have little in common except our time in Nam as grunts. The Corps was pulling out of Vietnam and getting back to pre-Tet size when I rotated home and since I was a two-year enlistment and only trained as an infantryman, I was deemed expendable, to both Corps and country it seemed to me. I was offered an early discharge, honorable, but still encouraged to leave. I believe if I had remained a Marine for awhile longer and possibly reenlisted, my first seven years as a civilian, before becoming a professional firefighter, would not have been so confusing and lonesome and with hindsight, so counter-productive for me. Bad relationships and wrong decisions based on anger and feelings of regret and sorrow and a feeling that I had been abandoned at my moment of need. This and much more helped to shape me into a very introspective individual with a huge chip on my shoulder. I finally made the correct decision when I applied, was accepted and successfully completed training and graduated at the top of my class as a firefighter. I spent the next 26 plus years helping people and by doing so, I was helping myself overcome my past. Despite this, and especially since I have retired now, the demons and ghosts have returned with renewed vigor and I'm sure, will never leave me.
    Sorry for the unintended tangent and the wondering away from the original subject of your thread. This is why I hope you and others like you continue to post your thoughts and memories on this forum. There are those like myself that sometimes need a push to open the door a little more and being comfortable with it is not the issue. Take care.
    Semper Fi, Scott


  7. #7
    Mongoose
    Guest Free Member
    Gunny, I want to share this little part of my V.N. experince. I was wounded in 69. After a stop here and a stop there. I ended up in Philadelphia Naval Hospital for a bone graft operation. I was there for a couple of months. This is a big hospital. Lot of Marines there. After I was able to get around somewhat I found this bar right there by the hospital. Anyway I started going down there in the afternoons to drink a couple of beers. There was always a bunch of Marines there. Most in wheel chairs. A lot of them were missing arms and legs. Anyway they drank thier beer and talked about V.N. They didnt talk about what they had been through. Or what happened to them. They talked about thier buddies, Thier brother Marines. How they missed them, and hoped they were o.k. Most were upset because they had to leave thier unit. Theres no doubt in my mind that most would have went back , no arm, no legs, in a wheel chair. I heard more than one say give me a weapon and wheel me back. I dont need all my body parts to kill them mutha fvckers. Even with the hardships they would face in life. They didnt worry about thierself, they worried about thier brother Marines. What makes us a Marine for life is not what we went through, Its what we left with.


  8. #8
    03Foxtrot & Billy Collins!

    I'm right there with you brothers. I stayed in the Corps because it was the only place I felt safe from those that didn't want me on the outside. I still remember how the country was before I went to Nam and even more when I came back. The Corps at times gave me a lot of Crap but my brother Marines could still always be depended on when it counted.

    Just like Nam grunts, no matter how long we've been out of Nam I can run into another Marine Nam vet anywhere and feel like we've known each other as if it were yesterday. I still deal with those demons also, but I for one am just sick and tired of letting them kick my ass around and control me. But I do understand that we all are doing the best we can. I'm ready to get out and live my remaining years with some kind of Joy and not just the darkness. But I respect the feelings of my brother Nam Vets and always will.

    Semper Fi!

    Gunny S.


  9. #9
    I appreciate your candor Gunny. I too refuse to allow the demons to control my life but despite my best efforts, they remain with me. Despite them, I have led a productive life, with a few wrong turns of course, and I only wish those such as yourself the very best. As stated by many others, I feel we are brothers forever. When all is said and done about our war, actually any war, it is for each other that we fought, not for personal gain or medals or promotions, but for the honor and the obligation of remaining loyal to those brave men that fell in battle.
    Semper Fidelis Gentlemen


  10. #10
    Marine Free Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    front range
    Posts
    625
    Credits
    32,362
    Savings
    0
    Blog Entries
    1
    I want to jump in and tell my story after reading all yours,i think i will pass,dont know if my tour was like you all, i do remember things and things,and faces and faces, it must be the meds cause what i remember i cant get the words out ,without a mental breakdown, when iwas drinking and drugen, sleep a lot better,ran a lot father. iant running no more, you guys put en it all out there have a better handle on it , i want to do that and be able to deal with myself after i turn the computer off, cause my heart get to beaten like its goin to burst, just from reading all this stuff,.............................usmc


  11. #11
    Marine Free Member Riven37's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Buffalo NY
    Posts
    801
    Credits
    13,070
    Savings
    0
    Images
    3

    !

    Gunny,

    It is funny that you say you wanted to live your remaining years. I felt this way this summer, tired of being locked up in my home every day because I am scared I will loss it on some civilian; I might regret later while sitting in a prison somewhere so I limited my time near the public.

    With my insane thoughts I went out bought myself a Harley and told God. "If you want me here's your chance." My point to all this is how strange it is how we think after fighting all our bad memories, fighting off our demons (whatever) that is. I fought to keep images in my head from becoming too real in my bedroom, to stop hearing voices whispering "you hear anything" or "Did you hear that" I called them jitter talking. To keep me from running in my sleep, waking up feeling like I ran miles, feeling that cold sweat on me, they are all demons.

    Refocus, been trying to brake out of my bunker looking for Vets to ride with but it seems their all in an MC clubs, I'm too old to be fighting over ideologies like club turf. Any way, I'm one Nam vet who bought a $11,000 Harley with nowhere to ride to..if this isn't nutty thinking nothing is....my be a death wish.


  12. #12
    First, I want to say to Gunny S. that this is your thread and the comments by others are addressed to you, so if I am out-of-bounds by putting in my 2 cents worth, please let me know.... I'll understand and go elsewhere. When I go to a site such as this one, it is for therapy, sometimes it helps and sometimes I pay for it ,but either way at least I'm talking to an audience I relate to.
    Like others here, I too have determined that far too much of my life is affected or controlled by the demons that seem to reside in many of us. The medical and clinical terms are not demons and ghosts, but that is what I call mine for the last 42 years.
    I too have done things such as go out and buy a Harley, for the same reasons, to ride, usually alone by choice, and to push the envelope so to speak, when it comes to risk of life. I have no death wish, I fought and continue to fight too hard to stay alive. When I became a firefighter, it wasn't only helping people that made me choose that avenue of service. It was also the danger and excitement and the paramilitary organization with ranks and chain of command and personal accountability as well as working together as a team to accomplish difficult and dangerous objectives. The similarities between a combat grunt and firefighting in a large city are there. But I always had the past affect me in ways that few others understood and like others on here, I am so tired of fighting a battle that seems to never end and has only one conclusion, either it wins and I die prematurely, or I suck it up for another decade or hopefully two, and I keep focused on the present, not the past when I can. I have a wonderful wife that keeps me going, no matter what, unfortunately she has also paid her dues and If I give up on myself, I am giving up on her, and that will never happen.
    I've said too much, I'm sure, and as usual, once I reveal my anguish and show some of my weaknesses, I immediately want to delete it and just go bunker up for another week or two.
    Riven37 and Kaelobo and Gunny S. and anyone else that walked in our steps and continues to walk today, we are survivors and we are Marines and we don't quit. You are not alone in this world, I suspect there are thousands of us from Vietnam and all the wars since that America has deemed necessary to participate in. Keep the faith and don't remain silent forever, I know from experience that going it alone will only lead to more problems, not less.
    Semper Fidelis Gentlemen

    Last edited by 03Foxtrot; 10-15-10 at 07:43 AM. Reason: fubar

  13. #13
    Mongoose
    Guest Free Member
    Rick I feel for you, brother. You know in 15 or 20 years most of us V.N. Marines will be gone. And I know sometimes its hard to win those mental battles we get caught up in. But we have to go on. We are the messengers for our brothers that didnt make it out of the Nam. Its up to us to keep thier memories alive.Its up to us to tell our kids and grandkids that they didnt die in vain. Its important that people know we fought with Valor, Honor, and Loyality. That brotherhood has never faded. We owe it to each other, to help each other, just like we did in Nam. Hang in there brother. Im with you all the way. You dont have to look behind you. Ill be there covering you Marine.
    S/F


  14. #14
    First of all I want to say I put this thread here for all of us that trekked the fields of OZ. There has been a lot said here that I've thought about through the years and in a lot of ways is a carbon copy of my thoughts. You see I stayed in the Corps for a Career, but the most intense time for me was Nam. Not even the drill field which was pretty hard didn't compare. The rest of my career was as a utilities engineer the Marines that help build the base camps, all that while tedious work was a walk in the park.

    I remember that the Marine Grunt E-1 through E-five took the brunt of the toe to toe fighting. I don't mean any disrespect to the higher ranks, but I spent most the time with my squad in the bush on day patrols and night ambushes and I was the only E-4 Corporal. My point is that That 18 year old Corporal still lives in me the way the Gunny doesn't if that makes any sense,

    I didn't buy a Harley, but I bought some land out in the woods here in eastern Oklahoma at a place called Wild Horse Mountain. I find myself up there a lot cutting down trees and burning brush. After a couple of hours I go home to the house and I'm OK. So feel free to say whatever you feel you can say and it's OK with me because it does make me feel like I'm not alone and for me that's good. And it doesn't have to be about the dirty down to the facts of death and destruction because Nam had a lot of strange things to talk about, like I never could figure out why those little kids could ride those water buffalo, but if we got near them they wanted to trample us.

    Marines It been my pleasure to share with you here, My sincere thanks!

    Gunny S.


  15. #15
    Since I was born in 1960, I wasn't a part of Viet Nam. However, I remember being able to spot a Viet Nam Vet Marine from 100 yards away when I first got in the fleet back in 1978. They just had a walk about them that others didn't. And up close & personal they were even more unique. They stayed very even tempered, or almost unphased no matter what. The few that I knew were all on their last enlistment, and they all sort of regreted their last reenlistment, being unsure why they did it.

    And even though they were only a few years older than me, it was more like a generational gap. One thing they weren't into was chicken $hit crap, they looked the other way when younger Marines had a few drinks with lunch, they didn't push rank.

    For the rest of my life I will always look up to the Viet Nam Vet, from their experinces they will always be a bigger & better man (and Marine) than me.


Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not Create Posts
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts