Level of activity statement

[BobbySmith6542]

I am currently in bumed because I had right knee surgery. My recruiter knew I would most likely be sent to bumed and told me to fill out a level of activity statement with a paragraph statement of why I want to be a Marine. So I'll post both statements below to see what you gentlemen ( Marines ) think.

Activity Statement
Since my knee surgery in February 15, 2013 to replace bad bone, I have had no problems with any physical activity; in fact I believe that the surgery made my knee a lot stronger. Before my surgery, I have had problems with my right knee since I can remember, and it was always in the same spot. As I got older and grew taller the pain in my knee increased. When I got into high pace sports in high school it was hard for me to participate because my knee would always hurt when I ran. To help cope with the pain I developed an awkward running motion to keep my knee from hurting. My sophomore year of high school in 2010 I was fed up with the pain and went to doctor Hilliard-Symbol, one the best knee doctors in the Springfield area. Over a two year period of trying to let my knee heal on its own, which meant I could not participate in any physical activity, I decided that knee surgery was my best option. Since my surgery I have had no pain what so ever, my rugby coach told me that my awkward running motion from before was gone, and that I run a lot more smoothly now. I play rugby three times a week, I play basketball five days a week, and I go an on two and a half mile run two times a week. My knee is never sore after a physical activity, and never hurts during physical activity. The pain that I have felt in my knee since I was a child is absolutely gone, thanks to my surgery my knee has become a lot stronger, balanced, sturdy, and I am able to complete any task with no problems.



Why I Want To Be A Marine
I want to join the Marines because I want to be apart of a brotherhood that very few people in society can say they are apart of. I want to be apart of something that will make my family proud of me for achieving. I want to have a sense of pride, to feel more confident in everything that I do. I want to be apart of something that challenges me everyday that I will never stop working toward. I want to be the best, the Marines are the best, they are the most elite fighting force. The Marines are ready at anytime the nation needs them to fight for their country and defend those in need. I want to be a Marine because I want to have a sense of honor, I want to commit myself to serve my country, and to challenge myself to be the best I can be.

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[Rocky C]

I think it reads well but separate some of those sentences.

Best of luck to you.

[BobbySmith6542]

Thank you very much for the feed back!