Marriage in the Marine Corps part 1 of 6
CV05-SH-1 UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS MARINES AWAITING TRAINING (MAT) PROGRAM
INSTRUCTOR GUIDE
LESSON TITLE MARRIAGE IN THE MARINE CORPS
PF08 JUL 98
INTRODUCTION: (3 MIN)
1. GAIN ATTENTION. Imagine yourself in a situation where your platoon is being sent into combat. As you're waiting to be airlifted into the combat zone, you hear that half of the other platoons that have already been committed have been wiped out. Think you'd be a little concerned? You bet you would! Some of the first things that you'd want to know are:
"Why are they suffering so many casualties?"
"How big is the enemy force?"
"Is the enemy using biological or chemical weapons?"
Again, you'd want to know why half the Marines did not survive the battle.
We should be similarly concerned that marriages in the United States experience the same 50% casualty rate and that the statistic of failure is even higher among first-term Marines. Why do some Marines' marriages end in divorce while others last?
2. OVERVIEW. This lesson will focus on how marriages are affected by the realities of service, the reasons why some of those marriages break up, and the resources that can provide assistance to those about to be married, recently married, or who would like help in their marriage.
3. INTRODUCE LESSON PURPOSE. The purpose of this period of instruction is to familiarize Marines with the special challenges a Marine Corps career presents to a married couple. The material in this lesson will not be tested. There are no terminal or enabling learning objectives.
4. METHOD/MEDIA. This period of instruction will be taught by lecture/group discussion. A 24-minute video, Marriage in the Marine Corps, will also be shown.
5. EVALUATION. You will not be tested on this material.
INSTRUCTOR'S NOTE:
Show Marines the video "Marriage in the Marine Corps" (24 min.). Upon completion of the video, lead Marines through a 46-minute lecture on marriage in the Marine Corps.
TRANSITION: Having watched the video, you understand some of the challenges a Marine Corps career presents to a marriage. The choice of a mate is so important because it affects you for the rest of your life. In the "old Corps," most Marines did not worry about it; they simply could not afford marriage. That's not the case today.
Marriage by the Numbers!?
February 13th - 6:39 am ET
Researchers say how couples resolve differences is major factor in whether a marriage will last
PAUL RECER
AP Science Writer
SEATTLE — A researcher believes he can predict the outcome of most any marriage with a few squiggles on a chart. John M. Gottman said a 20-year study involving more than 600 married couples shows that by carefully plotting how a husband and wife interact and then reducing those observations to a formula, researchers can tell which marriages will succeed and which are heading for the rocks.
In a report at the national meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, Gottman said studies by his Relationship Research Institute and the University of Washington show that how couples resolve differences is a key factor in whether a marriage will last.
The methods used by couples for conflict resolution can be expressed mathematically or on a simple graphic to predict how the marriage will endure. In effect, math has now found a place in love and marriage, he said.
To gather the data, a team of researchers observed video tapes of couples in interviews by marriage counselors and noted how husbands and wives responded to each other. Gottman said his team found that there basically are three types of stable marriages.
The first is a husband and wife who routinely avoids conflict. When a difference of opinion arises, said Gottman, "they will never argue. They will listen to the other, but will not try to persuade." Such marriages, which he calls the "avoiders," may be unemotional and distant, but they endure.
A second type is a volatile relationship "like two lawyers in a courtroom," said Gottman. "They can argue at the drop of a hat.
They are the Bickersons," he said. Such marriages tend to last even though there are frequent and impassioned arguments.
The third type of stable marriage Gottman calls the "validating" couple. They listen to each other, respect the other's opinion and only occasionally argue. "They pick the issues they fight about," he said.
Trouble in marriages comes when the couples are a mix of personalities that do not mesh in resolving conflicts. For instance, a husband who is a volatile arguer married to a wife who is an "avoider", or one who flees from disagreement, may be in marital trouble, he said.
"Couples like that are usually heading for a divorce," he said.
Researchers mathematically chart the marriage interactions by plotting not just what is said, but also how it is said and the body language and facial expression behind it. Emotions such as anger, harshness and hostility get a negative number, while humor and an eagerness to talk lovingly about the partner get a positive rating.
When these data points are given values and plotted on a chart it produces a line that dips below a neutral point into negative territory, or a line that soars above the neutral point.
Gottman said follow-up studies have shown the system works. He said an "escalating negative affect", or a steep descent on the chart below the neutral point, predicts a couple will divorce within 5.6 years after marriage.
A more gentle descending slope below the neutral point, suggesting an "emotional disengagement," predicts a divorce within 16.2 years after marriage, he said.
Charts with lines rising above the neutral point plot marriages that last.
By using the charts, Gottman said it is possible to help stabilize some marriages. For instance, there's little hope for a marriage where the wife is an avoider of argument and the husband thrives on heated discussion. If she can be taught to respond to his verbal attack while he can learn to tone down his volatility, then they might find a happy middle ground of marriage.
Gottman said in marriages where this counseling has been applied, about 65 percent of couples remain together for at least one year. This research, however, is still in an early stage, he said.
Copyright 2004 The Associated Press.
http://wire.jacksonville.com/pstorie.../1893856.shtml
"Marriage in the Marine Corps
This si one of the best post that I have seen.
I know I'm going to get blasted for this but here goes. We have an all Volunteer Arm Forces, so what do the Recruiter do? They will take anyone who wants to join the Marine Corps all they have to do is complete Basic training and then they are Marines, right? Then after they have become Marines they can get married at any rank from Pvt to who ever. I wish that the Marine Corps would go back to the way they did in the 40's, if you were married you couldn't enlist in the Marines as an enlisted man, now I believe that I am right here, you would have to be E-5 or above to get married without your C.O. approvable; It may have been difference with Officers. I have been married for almost 47 years now, it hasn't always been easy, even as a Staff NCO money was tight when I had to deploy, with 4 kids never seem to have enough to pay all the bills, so had to go without a lot of things that we needed, family had to live in low rent housing or live with family. When I was in the States things were difference we could make ends meet. Ever with the pay that our junior Marines receive and all of the added benifits that they pile on doesn't seem to be enough. seems as if the less you make the less you get, and the more you make the more you get, should be the other way around.
Why Do Marines Get Married So Young?
June 18, 2004
Why Do Marines Get Married So Young?
by Master GySgt Billy Stewart
Special to Henderson Hall News
In my personal opinion, I believe that there are four major decisions that will shape your life. These four decisions will direct the path that your life will take. I guarantee it. The first decision is the spiritual route in life you will take. The second is what career path you will venture into. The third decision is when and who you will marry. Lastly, the fourth decision is whether or not you will have children. While all these decisions are extremely important and intertwined, my column this week will tackle the controversial topic of marriage and our young Marines.
At every unit I have been assigned, the most time-consuming leadership task is taking care of young Marines and their personal problems. The largest array of personal problems stems from Marines that are married. More so, these problems are usually quite common within the Sergeant and below ranks, and especially with first term Marines. This continues to be a constant lien against our already over tasked operational schedule, and a readiness degrader. Approximately 50% of the fires that I tackle everyday relate in some way to a young Marine's marriage. Do you believe that Marines get married too young, or for the wrong reasons? Our former Commandant General Mundy felt this way. So much that he wanted to institute a policy prohibiting first term Marines from marrying. Of course, he was challenged openly by many organizations and he vision was shot down. Many Marines believe as General Mundy did, and to a certain extent, I do too. Often times, individuals attempt to challenge my opinion concerning this topic. I think it is time to openly discuss what goes on within in our Corps concerning young Marine marriages and the motivation behind them. Be advised that opinions and assumptions that I make in this week's column are solely my own and those derived from a vast majority of Marines that I have served with over my career.
Initially, let me begin by discussing the optimistic side of things. What about Marines that get married for all the right reasons and have their house and lives in order? Good on them. In my humble opinion, these individuals do not represent the majority of first term Marines that are married. However, these marriages are extremely significant and are in need of great recognition. These individuals represent the well thought out process of marriage. They possess the strong personal foundations needed for marriage, coupled with the self-discipline and sacrifice required to handle a life long decision and commitment. In a nutshell, they have conducted an intense "recon," and they are mature and ready to negotiate the mission of marriage. Basically, their reason for marriage is a deep desire to love and spend the rest of their life with their spouse. I congratulate and applaud these young Marine families that subscribe to this mindset.
However, we have to be realistic. Equivalent aged young civilians do not marry at the same rate that young Marines do. Most married Marines thought longer about their enlistment into the Corps than they did about their decision to get married. The Marine Corps has one of the highest marriage rates for first term service members. Let's discuss the reasons why.
Marines from the ages of seventeen through their early twenties are in a much different situation than their civilian counterparts. Unlike an average civilian, Marines are far away from home at an extremely young age for extended periods of time. In addition, they are for the first time in their lives experiencing freedom without parental accountability and separation from life long friends and loved ones. Unlike their civilian counterparts, Marines cannot get home as frequent on the weekends or on summer break. This often causes ties to friends and family at home to be stretched to the limit. Marines often develop close relationships very quickly. Besides, most Marines combat loneliness and separation through these relationships. Many situations and ideas arise through these relationships, with the end result most often being marriage. The reason for premature marriage may be obvious, but is certainly not discussed enough; it is the problem of infatuation and the misunderstanding of marriage.
It's no secret that young Marines are involved in intimate relationships, living together, and talking about marriage often times after only a few weeks of knowing a person. The aforementioned relationships paint a false sense of security called "infatuation." This is when two people become fascinated and somewhat obsessed with each other. It seems as though everything is going great, the loneliness has subsided, and the couple can only see the good in each other. It is during this period of time where many Marines run down to the county courthouse or nearest chapel and make a life long decision.
This life long decision is made without really understanding its implication or what will lie ahead in the years, months, or even days to follow. Soon after the marriage and the "infatuation" period has ended, the Marine finds out that the couple doesn't agree on many major issues such as spiritual beliefs, child raising, career paths, or finances. It's then that the rest of the baggage shows up on the doorstep. The couple discovers dirty laundry that was not discussed before marriage such as personal problems, various forms of debt, or dysfunctional family problems. This list is endless and so are the responses from the Marines sitting in my office as their world is falling apart from their premature decision to get married. The most repeated comment I hear is, "I didn't know what I was getting into." If the lack of understanding concerning marriage or the "infatuation bug" doesn't lure a Marine towards matrimony, the love of money and the desire to get out of the barracks will.
A Leatherneck will never admit to it, but there is something about receiving BAH and Comrats that continually pull young Marine towards a marriage license. How do I know that? Well, I know this because I have watched Marines sacrifice their whole paychecks just to get an apartment out in town while only having to maintain a room in the barracks. I have witnessed Marines involved in unauthorized "contract marriages" only to receive monetary benefits. Although these are extreme examples, many Marines still believe that getting married will fatten their wallets and get them out of the barracks and the dreaded clutches of field day. Little did they know that they were hopping from the frying pan into the fire. With marriage comes personal and financial responsibility for a spouse and possibly children.
The financial benefits run out extremely quick. A Sgt's and below pay is not prejudice and it does not discriminate. It continually remains to be inadequate to make ends meet at times. It all depends on what debt was brought into the marriage, what financial decisions are made, and if children are involved. Besides the lack of funds, past baggage again shows up. A Marine soon finds out that along with his/her spouse, they also gained their spouses debt, child support, or past credit history. These are just other examples of the well known "blinded by infatuation syndrome." While struggling with the lack of financial freedom, a Marine soon realizes that "field day" never went away. He or she now cleans up after a spouse, children, and possibly a pet that leaves reminders around the apartment. Only now the living quarters has tripled in size. Again, if money or the escape of field day doesn't push you towards the tuxedo or bridal shop, maybe being the though of being a parent will.
Finally, it's no secret that Marines having or fathering children push the issue of marriage. Marine marriages are sometimes the byproduct of a pre-marital pregnancy. This sends a Marine into the "instant responsibility mode" immediately. With this responsibility comes all of the aforementioned marital issues that I have discussed.
This is not the optimal reason to cause one to choose the bonds of marriage.
While controversial, the fact remains that Marines do not always get married for the right reasons. The divorce rate within the civilian population is over 50%. I believe this rate is even higher in the Marine Corps. The hard reality is that most young Marines are not ready to get married during their first term. Moreover, while many can handle marriage, the strain of holding a marriage together and the responsibility of being a Marine often proves to be impossible for young Marines. Marriage is decision that should have life long implication. Be prepared to seriously ponder your decision. It will be one the most important one you'll ever make. Semper Fi.
http://www.dcmilitary.com/marines/he...y/29689-1.html
The Drifter's Wife
Ellie