Riven37
Marine

Thanks Riven 37

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Doing this for you will benefit your family or you will have no family believe me I know been married 3 times all left because I was crazy to them. They did not know who to deal with nightmares, yelling out at night in my sleep or my running in my sleep.

I drank every day a case of beer a day to forget things I did that from 73 until 1983 then I knew I needed help when I nearly killed a girl in a bar because she set me off while playing a pool game. I picked up the Que ball and whipped it at her missing her head by inches. I called a another vet I knew at 3 AM asking for his help but he blew me off because it was 3 AM. I ended it get back to at that time my little room in a boarding house, and i didn't know how I made it there. The next morning the two counselors from the Vet Center walked in woke me up and I noticed the room was torn apart with my knives sticking in the dresser, and back of the door. The bed was ripped apart, and I had slept on the floor half on the bed. This is what PTSD will do to you mixed with alcohol, and no help it makes you crazy. I haven't drank in 26 years after that night in 1983. If it wasn't for that vet not allowing me to be his crutch and for him call the Vet Center that morning placing me on there crisis list I think I would have killed my self that morning.

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I ran across your post.I had a similar experience with drinking...more insanity then i could handle brought me to my Knees.
I went to AA for 5 years work the best program i could...was still depressed...saw a shrink on the out side
she told me i should of been dead..should of never made it.
I have been sober 19 years...but cant deal with my ptsd..
There was a bad forest fire .i had to fight to keep my house
Choppers every where..dumping water on me and my house. It brought ther Nam thing back..the thing that made me a survivor.

To make along story short...the va and vet center docs always make a big deal out of my sobriety.
Little do they know the insanity sober is barely bearable..
with self medication i would be dead along others..
I hope you can understand what i am getting at. I have been going to va and vet center.I have been in group for 7 months and have hit a wall. My loss is to great to put in words.I wrote one letter and 4 poems..but i haven't got close to the real loss.I had a group at va and then my doc went to vet center.. another took over at the va...
he was good i wrote one letter about a the first friend i lost on a bobbie trapped 200 lb bomb..it should of been me.
Thats just the beginning.. That doc moved to another VA.
So they sent our group to the vet center where the first doc was . and added a new doc to train with the group.So then the docs start tag teaming the group . a different one every other week.
I feel totally abandon...what is the proticall for running a 9 month trauma group.
Sorry to run on but i fill totally ****ed
Appreciate you reading this..maybe i am going off the deep end
SEMPER FI

........HAPPY BIRTHDAY....you OLD FART!!!! 39 AGAIN???.....

Riv your right sometimes i find my face in my hands,and i ant laughing,take care ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,usmc

Nothing much.

RIC do have a-fibs too, what are they doing for you

Riv thats a funney dream ,only john wayne i met was to open my pound cake, most of my dreams are of a close marine that was rip up preaty bad , my best friend held him til chopper got there/ now ill be sleeping and i hear someone asking me to help him, while iam asleep in bed, ill turn around its Bustos .my wife wakes me up cause iam trying to hold her, /other than a sniper fireing at me and iam geting hit cant find my weapon.,,, not trying to get to deep, dont talk about that to anyone, but iam now , hope you dont mine, it a little easyer talk to c vet i guess, thanks for the shoulder, dam , ant nothing but a party,

thanks again you make things alittle easer to take ,goin to the va with daughter famliy session , seems as thought my ptsd has leek down on her, 1030am today itll be our 10th time, any time you has more insight on ptsd iam all ears thanks bro

hey riv hope all well idid so time at red beach hosp ,danang 69( it dont mean nothing )SEEM LIKE THE COMMENT OF EVERYDAY OVER THERE.when i read that i trip out, just thought i drop aline. ant nothing but a party. take care.

RICK.....I apologize, I didn't "get" their home page. I thought it was FREE!! BIG-TIME RIP-OFF!! SORRY....I'm NOT the brightest star in the sky!!.....DOC