thedrifter
06-21-08, 09:00 AM
OPINION
Hollywood Stogies
By JOE QUEENAN
June 21, 2008; Page A9
When the American Medical Association Alliance ripped into "The Incredible Hulk" movie last week, I thought it was just the usual hysterical political correctness. The AMA Alliance advocacy group is apparently livid that the summer hit contains numerous scenes in which the villainous Gen. Ross, played by William Hurt, puffs on a stogie. The fear is that children exposed to the seductive images in the Marvel Studios film may be tempted to smoke.
This seems like a pretty stupid idea. When was the last time a bunch of little kids decided to run out and start imitating a bald, not especially flashy 58-year-old actor? But it just so happens that this time, the antismoking forces are right.
Wednesday, on my way to the train station in my town a few miles up the river from New York City, I ran into three nine-year-old boys who live down the street from me. All three were smoking Cohibas. Big, nasty Cohibas. Smelled like the real thing, too, like the ones that get smuggled in from Cuba. Spotting me, and worried that I might tip off their parents, the little scamps clambered off into the woods, cackling and giggling. But they never once stopped puffing on their Havanas. The whole thing was pretty darn weird.
I probably wouldn't have thought any more about this incident except that, strolling past McDonald's a few minutes later, I spied four 12-year-old boys I've known since they were knee high to a grasshopper. All four were puffing on what appeared to be Dominican panatellas.
"Gee, Tommy, what's up with the cigar?" I asked the ringleader of the group. "I mean, aren't you a little bit young to be smoking?"
"I only smoke the one a day, and only these pint-sized numbers," he replied, not especially sheepishly. "I know that I can't play summer league basketball and smoke those humongous Churchills because I'll run out of gas. But an Ascot or a panatella every day won't do me any harm."
These were by no means isolated incidents. The eruption of adolescent and even prepubescent cigar smoking in my town didn't start and stop with a handful of mischievous tykes. By the end of the week, I'd spotted no fewer than 125 teens and preteens chewing on cigars in the village, and when I went into New York City, I noticed exactly the same trend. Everywhere you went, little boys between the age of nine and 14 were puffing on stogies. And by the looks of it, they were enjoying themselves.
"It's not just 'The Incredible Hulk' that's causing this," said a friend of mine who works in an upscale cigar emporium. "There are also all those scenes in 'Ironman' where Jeff Bridges has a cigar jutting out of his mouth. Just like Bill Hurt, Jeff Bridges plays a creepy, middle-aged villain. And unlike Mr. Hurt, who is sort of gradually going bald, Mr. Bridges is a full-scale chrome-dome in the movie."
"But why would little kids want to emulate the aging villain instead of the buff, charismatic leading man?" I shot back. "It's like picking Donald Rumsfeld as your role model instead of G.I. Joe."
My friend merely shrugged.
"A lot of little kids are going to grow up to be evil," he replied. "They know it, their parents know it, and cigar store owners know it. And since cigar smokers are inherently evil, I think a lot of these kids want to get started early. You know, learn the ropes."
One thing still had me flummoxed. "The Incredible Hulk" is rated PG-13, meaning that nine-year-olds aren't supposed to see it unless accompanied by a parent. But lots of kids in my town either didn't have parents, or had parents who only went to see movies with names like "Plus C'est Toi, Petit Salaud, Moi Je m'en Vais" and "Tears of the Llama." So, if they couldn't even get in to see the movies, how did these little kids find out about the cigar-smoking?
"We have evil older brothers," said one of the little boys who lives down the street from me. "They trade us their dried-out robustos for our lunch money. What my brother doesn't know is that I made a copy of the key to his humidor. So I sneak in, filch a hand-rolled Lonsdale with a Nicaraguan wrapper, and replace it with a domestic blunt. That idiot'll never know the difference. He only smokes to impress evil girls."
The nine-year-old also told me that youngsters can effortlessly download intoxicating footage of cigar-chomping villains from file-sharing services in Thailand that may secretly be funded by unscrupulous cigar manufacturers. All of this creates an aura of "kewlness" around vile adult cigar smokers.
Confronted by these facts, I now fully support the AMA's efforts to purge smoking scenes from any film that young people are likely to see.
What finally sealed the deal for me was when the 11-year-old girl who lives next door turned up on our doorstep asking if we'd like to donate to a save-the-manatee organization. All the while, she was puffing on an amaretto-soaked stogie that looked like a tree trunk.
"I'm not smoking a cigar because I want to grow up to be like William Hurt," she explained. "But boy, that Jeff Bridges is hot. And look on the bright side: At least I'm not smoking cigarettes."
Ellie
Hollywood Stogies
By JOE QUEENAN
June 21, 2008; Page A9
When the American Medical Association Alliance ripped into "The Incredible Hulk" movie last week, I thought it was just the usual hysterical political correctness. The AMA Alliance advocacy group is apparently livid that the summer hit contains numerous scenes in which the villainous Gen. Ross, played by William Hurt, puffs on a stogie. The fear is that children exposed to the seductive images in the Marvel Studios film may be tempted to smoke.
This seems like a pretty stupid idea. When was the last time a bunch of little kids decided to run out and start imitating a bald, not especially flashy 58-year-old actor? But it just so happens that this time, the antismoking forces are right.
Wednesday, on my way to the train station in my town a few miles up the river from New York City, I ran into three nine-year-old boys who live down the street from me. All three were smoking Cohibas. Big, nasty Cohibas. Smelled like the real thing, too, like the ones that get smuggled in from Cuba. Spotting me, and worried that I might tip off their parents, the little scamps clambered off into the woods, cackling and giggling. But they never once stopped puffing on their Havanas. The whole thing was pretty darn weird.
I probably wouldn't have thought any more about this incident except that, strolling past McDonald's a few minutes later, I spied four 12-year-old boys I've known since they were knee high to a grasshopper. All four were puffing on what appeared to be Dominican panatellas.
"Gee, Tommy, what's up with the cigar?" I asked the ringleader of the group. "I mean, aren't you a little bit young to be smoking?"
"I only smoke the one a day, and only these pint-sized numbers," he replied, not especially sheepishly. "I know that I can't play summer league basketball and smoke those humongous Churchills because I'll run out of gas. But an Ascot or a panatella every day won't do me any harm."
These were by no means isolated incidents. The eruption of adolescent and even prepubescent cigar smoking in my town didn't start and stop with a handful of mischievous tykes. By the end of the week, I'd spotted no fewer than 125 teens and preteens chewing on cigars in the village, and when I went into New York City, I noticed exactly the same trend. Everywhere you went, little boys between the age of nine and 14 were puffing on stogies. And by the looks of it, they were enjoying themselves.
"It's not just 'The Incredible Hulk' that's causing this," said a friend of mine who works in an upscale cigar emporium. "There are also all those scenes in 'Ironman' where Jeff Bridges has a cigar jutting out of his mouth. Just like Bill Hurt, Jeff Bridges plays a creepy, middle-aged villain. And unlike Mr. Hurt, who is sort of gradually going bald, Mr. Bridges is a full-scale chrome-dome in the movie."
"But why would little kids want to emulate the aging villain instead of the buff, charismatic leading man?" I shot back. "It's like picking Donald Rumsfeld as your role model instead of G.I. Joe."
My friend merely shrugged.
"A lot of little kids are going to grow up to be evil," he replied. "They know it, their parents know it, and cigar store owners know it. And since cigar smokers are inherently evil, I think a lot of these kids want to get started early. You know, learn the ropes."
One thing still had me flummoxed. "The Incredible Hulk" is rated PG-13, meaning that nine-year-olds aren't supposed to see it unless accompanied by a parent. But lots of kids in my town either didn't have parents, or had parents who only went to see movies with names like "Plus C'est Toi, Petit Salaud, Moi Je m'en Vais" and "Tears of the Llama." So, if they couldn't even get in to see the movies, how did these little kids find out about the cigar-smoking?
"We have evil older brothers," said one of the little boys who lives down the street from me. "They trade us their dried-out robustos for our lunch money. What my brother doesn't know is that I made a copy of the key to his humidor. So I sneak in, filch a hand-rolled Lonsdale with a Nicaraguan wrapper, and replace it with a domestic blunt. That idiot'll never know the difference. He only smokes to impress evil girls."
The nine-year-old also told me that youngsters can effortlessly download intoxicating footage of cigar-chomping villains from file-sharing services in Thailand that may secretly be funded by unscrupulous cigar manufacturers. All of this creates an aura of "kewlness" around vile adult cigar smokers.
Confronted by these facts, I now fully support the AMA's efforts to purge smoking scenes from any film that young people are likely to see.
What finally sealed the deal for me was when the 11-year-old girl who lives next door turned up on our doorstep asking if we'd like to donate to a save-the-manatee organization. All the while, she was puffing on an amaretto-soaked stogie that looked like a tree trunk.
"I'm not smoking a cigar because I want to grow up to be like William Hurt," she explained. "But boy, that Jeff Bridges is hot. And look on the bright side: At least I'm not smoking cigarettes."
Ellie