Question about marriage... [Archive] - Marine Corps

MrsAlexander08

02-08-08, 11:45 AM

Why would my fiancee's Recruiter tell him that it would be easier for him to get in if we were not married? What does that have to do with enlisting in the Marines? He has been training for almost a year now and he finally got the medical release to go ahead and join, they have known since he first started talking to them last April that we were getting married in June 08 (although we had to move it up to Feb because he is shipping out in March) and they tell him this ONE WEEK before the event. They are telling him to wait until after he takes the oath to get married which leaves us 3 days before he leaves. It just doesnt make any sense to me, what difference it makes.... they have known about the Feb wedding date since October. It has never been brought up as a problem until now. They told him that he can be denied for being married????? That it is kind of like "rolling the dice" on whether he gets in or not.?????? Can anyone make any sense of this for me? Will it really hurt his chances of getting in if we go ahead with our Feb 15th date, since all the invitations have been sent and everyone is already planning on being there?? I just cant find the logic anywhere....
Thanks for any advice or experience....

Hopefully I did this right this time.... so it wont be deleted again...;) lol

Wyoming

02-08-08, 12:01 PM

You weren't issued!

Seriously, I think this has been brought up before, but if you get married, he goes to boot, then ITR, then school, then where(?), you ain't gonna see each other much for a while. Don't give me this crap about, 'oh just a few days together will be fine'.

Jody (or his Sister) will come around, not implying a damm thing, BUT, it will be hard on both of you, being newly married and separated.

The Corps wants a Marine. Not a disgruntled hard leg with a missy at home.

My opinion.

GySgtRet

02-08-08, 12:10 PM

As Big Al has pointed out some posibilities the entire logic is dependency. What I mean by this is you can always marry your Marine later when things settle down but my advice is you wait to see where he lands first after bootcamp, after MCT, or ITR, and after his MOS training. I saw a lot of things go bad in 20 years, even though I would council and I did care a lot for my Marines, but inspite of my insight into advising they will make their own choices. A lttle visit here and there is better and less hader to swallow than not knowing if your Marine is in school now and where he goes to next. I would be alot easier and logisitically more feasible to do it as a single rather than try to get both of you moved and setup as comfortably as possible. I think that there have been a lot of discussions on this very subject. There are a lot of Mainr wives and sweathearts on here that have brought up these very samethings. Be patient and they will read your questions and hopefully be a little bit better at explaining than I am.

Good luck

MrsAlexander08

02-08-08, 12:14 PM

I was just asking if it would hurt his chances in getting in if he were married, like they are telling him. We have been together for a long time now, and the only thing that will change about our relationship is my last name and that piece of paper. We have a son already and live together, so us being married will only make everything all the easier when he does go in. Then we can go with him when he gets stationed at a base. I understand what we are in for. They want a Marine, they are going to get one, he is completely dedicated to becoming a United States Marine and serving his country. It wont be any different for him, in my opinion, to be away from his son and I whether we are married or not. He is going to miss us the same either way. But that doesnt mean that he will be any less dedicated to becoming what he has always dreamed of being. Not being disrespectful but many Marines are married, either before or after they enlist. I DONT believe that that makes them any less of a Marine, or with any less potential to become one, just because they have a family at home.

thewookie

02-08-08, 12:28 PM

They don't really care if you've been together 10 days or 10 years, he's got 3 months to earn a title and then get most of his "freedom" back. Time is relevant.

And if they told you something like that then I'd like to think that they have good reasons. Agree or disagree they have reasons for why you should wait. Why they didn't tell you before is up to your imagination but get used to it, the Corps doesn't always lay a map down in front of you that can be followed exactly. I also agree with Al in the fact that they don't want you, they want him. Down the road you're fine but they don't want him thinking about his lovely wife, and what kind of honeymoon he could be having. They want him focused on trying to become a Marine.

So the best advice that I could give your soon to be husband, and possible US Marine, would be don't try to outsmart or go around the system, especially when you're not even a Marine yet.

Good luck, I'm sure you'll both do fine, or I hope you do. I think you should wait and listen to them for now.

By the way, in your picture are you on the right or on the left?:marine:

Crusader20

02-08-08, 12:51 PM

i know that you have a lot of good advice in this forum, so i don't know if i could help or not.

The reason might be the fact he already has a "release" to enter.

Now, the recuriter had to get that taken care of first. SO, to the recuiter, he/she may be looking at the possible "other" paperwork mess that he will have to do to get your boyfriend into the service.

Selfish, yes. Needed, Yes. Major headache, Yes!

Just my thoughts

GySgtRet

02-08-08, 12:58 PM

I will try the best I can on this. If your Marine to be has already signed his DEP orders and is ready to ship then most if not all of the enlistment package would have to be re done. The reason it would be a depent waiver. Not becuase you aren't married that isn't the problem. In most cases they are easy to fix at the RS or District levels. What may come into play is if your child has anything at all medically wrong and the facilities at the base where he would be stationed did not have the facilities to render appropriate medical care. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with your son but these fine details may surface. I am trying to lookout for your futures together and answer as best I can. A lot of things have been improved since I retired in 93. And to be honest it was a long time coming. Please do not misunderstnd anything that any Marine states here. I don't think you want a candy coating on things. Ringoffire is one of the wives here on Leatherneck. Look her up in the members area and PM her. I know Tina has helped quite a few new brides, and brides to be. She and her family are at Camp Lejuene NC and have been through her husbands deployment and other things together. She will not mind trust me.

Good luck and please keep the communications open so we can further advise if you request it.

:flag:

MrsAlexander08

02-08-08, 01:16 PM

Thank you to everyone who gave me advice and suggestions. I could understand if they told us to wait until after he got out of boot and training, ut they didnt. They told us to push it back until AFTER he swore in, but BEFORE he left for boot.??? that gives us 3 days, and I dont want to be walking down the aisle ( after REPLANNING it all out again) with the thought that he is leaving in 3 days in the back of my mind, that would ruin the day for both of us. If we are married before he leaves out, from what the Recruiters tell us, it would be beneficial. As his wife, I would be MORE privy to information about him, than if I was just a significant other-mother of his child- at home. Plus many over seas bases and some here in the US, supossedly have this rule about how long you have to be married to bring your family with you to your base... We want to avoid having to run into that waiting period, when (/if) he gets stationed, and we can join him. If we marry before he leaves then we are pretty much in the clear, because it will take about 1 year for all of his training to be completed for the most part. At least that was how it was explained to me. Now what I dont understand, is why they would be telling us NOW that we need to wait until after he takes the oath, but still get married before he leaves??????

MrsAlexander08

02-08-08, 01:23 PM

BTW: Im the one on the right, in black

Wyoming

02-08-08, 01:26 PM

BTW: Im the one on the right, in black

Down Jod..., er, ah, Wook, down boy!!!:angel:

thewookie

02-08-08, 02:07 PM

BTW: Im the one on the right, in black

Great, your friend on the left married or hitched down to someone?:banana:

You should invite her to come here and chat, as a Marine Friend.:yes:

MrsAlexander08

02-08-08, 02:18 PM

She has a girlfriend. I dont think she'd be interested.

Great, your friend on the left married or hitched down to someone?:banana:

You should invite her to come here and chat, as a Marine Friend.:yes:

MarineNCO

02-08-08, 02:23 PM

I was told the same thing by my recruiter. But in my case i was divorced with 2 children. It is a headache trying to get the paperwork sorted out. They would have to pull his package then resubmit it. Resubmission means the entire thing is looked at again instead of just a part of it.

What my wife and I did was get married on my boot leave. When I went to MCT they got me all sorted out in DEERS (Dependant records system) so that I would get my full pay and allowances. This had the added benefit of allowing me to put my name on the base housing list as soon as I hit my permanent duty station. Just some thoughts.

Being married to a Marine will be the toughest job you will ever love. The sacrifices you will make for his job will be many. But the satisfaciton of standing behind him and making sure he has a "safe place" to go to will make it all worthwhile. If I didn't have my wife standing behind me I would not be where I am today.

thewookie

02-08-08, 03:05 PM

She has a girlfriend. I dont think she'd be interested.

Say what? :no:

A girlfriend, meow, gosh darn it that's perfect then she doesn't have a boyfriend!

Phantom Blooper

02-08-08, 03:23 PM

You have a child and you want to get married ......wait until after he graduates boot camp or yes there could be a delay process. Why are you waiting until the last minute of him joining the Marine Corpsto get married if you have a child together......?

And with the separation after graduation you will need to get an ID card and enroll you and the child in DEERS. You will not be able to go to his MCT or SOI with him and unless it is a log MOS school you may or may not be able to go to the base with him and live out in town.This process will take time and hopefully not but if he washes out of boot camp then all the paperwork is useless.Depending on his MOS he could go to his permanent duty station and go to Iraq or Afghanistan in a week....something to think about before you pack up and move.:evilgrin:

FIRST LESSON IN THE BAPTISM OF MARINE CORPS LIFE....DON'T PLAN NUTTIN' CAUSE THE WORD WILL CHANGE!

mike christy

02-08-08, 08:05 PM

FIRST LESSON IN THE BAPTISM OF MARINE CORPS LIFE....DON'T PLAN NUTTIN' CAUSE THE WORD WILL CHANGE!__________________

Truer words never spoken, and I'll give you the same advice that I'd give one of my own daughters...DO NOT rush into something that you may regret later.

NWsurfergirl

02-21-08, 02:44 PM

After checking out your profile I noticed you are a childcare provider/owner. Keep in mind the last two posts and consider that after you are married and his post is 'finalized', if you chose to relocate your chances of successfully relocating your profession and keeping the same income are nill. And remember that as a new marine his income, even married, will be crumbs.

DobbinsBlythe

02-26-08, 08:04 AM

While her income might not be the same, I do know that a lot of bases are lacking in child care professionals. She may be able to find job on base at the CDC.

Tegan

02-26-08, 09:41 AM

ok. whats the rush? why is it so damn important to get married right this second? my husband and i had 2 weeks together before he deployed, now hes coming back and im leaving a few weeks before he gets home. we will spend over 1 year apart, of our first year of being married. its not worth it. just wait until he gets out of his schooling and gets stablized (..waiting for bigal to comment on the word stabilized..) in the fleet, then you will have time to think about if your up to being married to the CORPS or not.. and hopefully you and him being a pfc/lcpl won't have to spend your money on getting separated because you guys learned the hard way..

ces1

03-13-08, 12:51 AM

So this is the middle of March, did you get married?

Marine84

03-15-08, 10:15 PM

She has a girlfriend. I dont think she'd be interested.

LOL! Wookie shot down! :)

ces1

03-17-08, 02:49 PM

Well I guess that info has settled the problem.

Wyoming

03-17-08, 03:53 PM

Tegan

03-17-08, 07:18 PM

ha ha bigal.. haha:)

FistFu68

03-17-08, 09:22 PM

:evilgrin:MOVE OVER ROVER,LET THE REAL "JODY"TAKE OVER! WOOKSTER I TOLD YOU ABOUT TRYING TOO BE ME WHEN I WASN'T ON DUTY,TRYING TOO BE SLY;WISHING SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE ON THE LEFT AND YOU GET YOU'RE SELF A CARPET MUNCHER(LMFAO):sick: CHIT MARINE YOU GOTTA BE A SEASONED POINT MAN TOO SMELL OUT AN AMBUSH,NOW GO HALFSTEP BACK TOO TAIL END CHARLIE MARINE!!!:D