thedrifter
11-22-07, 04:21 AM
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Serving on Thanksgiving
In many tri-state homes there's an empty place at the table
By Kevin Eigelbach
Post staff reporter
For the first time, Pfc. Nicholas Bolmer will miss Thanksgiving dinner at home this year.
Bolmer will eat Turkey in Iraq, where he's serving, with the rest of his Army unit. If she's lucky, his mother may get a phone call from him today at her Southgate home. If not, he'll call on Sunday, the usual day the Army gives him to do laundry and take care of personal business.
"It's tough. The holidays are tough," said his mother, Sharon Bolmer, as she started to cry.
Many tri-state homes will have empty spaces at the Thanksgiving table today, with loved ones away in Iraq or Afghanistan.
As the war in Iraq enters its fifth year, the toll in lives lost and lives disrupted continues to grow. Many of those serving overseas are in the National Guard or the Reserves, and enjoyed civilian lives before their call-up, serving only part-time in the military as so-called weekend warriors.
Having family members serving overseas, especially when they are potentially in danger, can be especially difficult during holidays. It's a time when strong ties usually draw families together and family memories run deep.
"The usually higher stresses of the holidays are probably made even more difficult when a family member is serving in a war zone," said Steve Carlton-Ford, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Cincinnati. "Research shows that a significant number of family members find it difficult not to constantly monitor the news to see if there is some information about a particular unit. The news rarely contains enough detail to provide reassurance; only enough to worry that your loved one's unit has come under fire or that there has been a bombing in an area where you think your loved one might be."
Families will try to keep their loved ones in mind with holiday icons, special food, and that most modern of communication tools - the Internet.
Sharon plans to keep the Christmas tree up this year until her son returns on leave in February. She'll take some time off work then so she can cook him some real food - maybe even some turkey.
There will also be an empty place at the table today at the home of Sandy Bolmer, Sharon's sister-in-law, whose son, Staff Sgt. James Ross, is in Baghdad.
"Holidays now just don't seem right anymore, with him gone," the Newport resident said. "It makes it very hard to celebrate."
Ross left on his second tour of duty in Iraq in February. He returned home to Kansas City in May, where he arrived just 34 minutes before the birth of his first child.
He'll miss Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Day, but his mom's hoping he can come home for the baby's first birthday and his sister's graduation.
Normally, the family has a big dinner at Sandy's sister's home in Independence.
"We still have our yellow ribbon up and our stars up in the window, until he comes home," she said.
They keep in touch through e-mail and Web cameras. She heard his voice on the telephone a few weeks ago for the first time since June.
"Just to hear his voice ... it was priceless, actually," she said.
If families can't get together in real space, at least they can in cyberspace. Florence resident Tammy Farinella keeps in touch with her brothers-in-law, both soldiers in Iraq, by instant-messaging them on the social networking Web site MySpace.
"Thank God for the Internet," she said. "If it wasn't for the Internet, we wouldn't have a lot of communication, because cell phones don't work the best in Iraq."
About six months ago, she was messaging her brother-in-law, Matthew Farinella, when he told her he had to leave because his unit was under attack.
"That was very scary. Talk about stressful," she said. "I was on pins and needles for the next five hours until he called me back and told me he was all right. To him, it was no big deal."
She's hoping for a phone call from Farinella and her other brother-in-law, John Spohn, when the family gets together at the home of their mother, Karen Valentour, in Dry Ridge today.
It's the first Thanksgiving away from home for Spohn, but the third for Farinella. "It was hard; it was sad," she said of Thanksgiving without him. "But we maintained phone contact."
Spohn's wife, Christina, summed up how her Thanksgiving would be with just one word: lonely.
"I miss him like crazy," the Crittenden resident said of her husband, whom she married in May. Later that month, her husband shipped out with the 478th Engineer Battalion, based in Fort Thomas. So far, he's missed the first birthday of his youngest son, Ethan. His oldest son is Robert Collins, 9.
His wife said he hopes to get a call from him today, but it seemed questionable, as he was heading out on a mission this morning. "He's always telling me, 'Duty calls,'" she said.
Burlington resident Wanda McNees saw her son, Pfc. Brandon McNees, last week, when he came home for a two-week leave.
"I was ready to cook up a Thanksgiving dinner before he left, but he was like, 'No, mom, it's OK,' " she said.
She planned to spend today at her father's house, cooking for up to 90 family members, just as she does every Thanksgiving. Her 6-foot-3, 180-pound son can really put away the turkey and deviled eggs, she said.
"I don't know how I'm going to do it without him," she said. "It will just be a little sadder."
Staff Sgt. Charles W. Riley has been away from home on Thanksgiving before - he's on his third four-year stint with the Marines. But the Dixie Heights High School graduate has always at least called on Thanksgiving and Christmas.
This year, his mother, Edgewood resident Polly McNally, doesn't even expect that. Since August, her son's been in Iraq, on his first combat deployment.
During World War II, Polly's fighter-pilot uncle was shot down over Europe, and her grandmother spent many anxious days waiting for word about him. Now Polly knows how she feels.
She shares her concerns with fellow members of the Blue Star Mothers of Northern Kentucky, a support group for mothers with children in the military. They will soon get together to put together and send Christmas care packages to their children.
A few weeks ago, she sent her son some plastic pumpkins and a stuffed turkey doll.
She usually cooks a big dinner on Thanksgiving, which fills her house with people and commotion. But this year, she planned to accept an invitation to have dinner at a friend's house.
"That might make it a little easier, in some ways," she said. "For the most part, we just try to be happy and look to when he comes home safe."
Ellie
Serving on Thanksgiving
In many tri-state homes there's an empty place at the table
By Kevin Eigelbach
Post staff reporter
For the first time, Pfc. Nicholas Bolmer will miss Thanksgiving dinner at home this year.
Bolmer will eat Turkey in Iraq, where he's serving, with the rest of his Army unit. If she's lucky, his mother may get a phone call from him today at her Southgate home. If not, he'll call on Sunday, the usual day the Army gives him to do laundry and take care of personal business.
"It's tough. The holidays are tough," said his mother, Sharon Bolmer, as she started to cry.
Many tri-state homes will have empty spaces at the Thanksgiving table today, with loved ones away in Iraq or Afghanistan.
As the war in Iraq enters its fifth year, the toll in lives lost and lives disrupted continues to grow. Many of those serving overseas are in the National Guard or the Reserves, and enjoyed civilian lives before their call-up, serving only part-time in the military as so-called weekend warriors.
Having family members serving overseas, especially when they are potentially in danger, can be especially difficult during holidays. It's a time when strong ties usually draw families together and family memories run deep.
"The usually higher stresses of the holidays are probably made even more difficult when a family member is serving in a war zone," said Steve Carlton-Ford, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Cincinnati. "Research shows that a significant number of family members find it difficult not to constantly monitor the news to see if there is some information about a particular unit. The news rarely contains enough detail to provide reassurance; only enough to worry that your loved one's unit has come under fire or that there has been a bombing in an area where you think your loved one might be."
Families will try to keep their loved ones in mind with holiday icons, special food, and that most modern of communication tools - the Internet.
Sharon plans to keep the Christmas tree up this year until her son returns on leave in February. She'll take some time off work then so she can cook him some real food - maybe even some turkey.
There will also be an empty place at the table today at the home of Sandy Bolmer, Sharon's sister-in-law, whose son, Staff Sgt. James Ross, is in Baghdad.
"Holidays now just don't seem right anymore, with him gone," the Newport resident said. "It makes it very hard to celebrate."
Ross left on his second tour of duty in Iraq in February. He returned home to Kansas City in May, where he arrived just 34 minutes before the birth of his first child.
He'll miss Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Day, but his mom's hoping he can come home for the baby's first birthday and his sister's graduation.
Normally, the family has a big dinner at Sandy's sister's home in Independence.
"We still have our yellow ribbon up and our stars up in the window, until he comes home," she said.
They keep in touch through e-mail and Web cameras. She heard his voice on the telephone a few weeks ago for the first time since June.
"Just to hear his voice ... it was priceless, actually," she said.
If families can't get together in real space, at least they can in cyberspace. Florence resident Tammy Farinella keeps in touch with her brothers-in-law, both soldiers in Iraq, by instant-messaging them on the social networking Web site MySpace.
"Thank God for the Internet," she said. "If it wasn't for the Internet, we wouldn't have a lot of communication, because cell phones don't work the best in Iraq."
About six months ago, she was messaging her brother-in-law, Matthew Farinella, when he told her he had to leave because his unit was under attack.
"That was very scary. Talk about stressful," she said. "I was on pins and needles for the next five hours until he called me back and told me he was all right. To him, it was no big deal."
She's hoping for a phone call from Farinella and her other brother-in-law, John Spohn, when the family gets together at the home of their mother, Karen Valentour, in Dry Ridge today.
It's the first Thanksgiving away from home for Spohn, but the third for Farinella. "It was hard; it was sad," she said of Thanksgiving without him. "But we maintained phone contact."
Spohn's wife, Christina, summed up how her Thanksgiving would be with just one word: lonely.
"I miss him like crazy," the Crittenden resident said of her husband, whom she married in May. Later that month, her husband shipped out with the 478th Engineer Battalion, based in Fort Thomas. So far, he's missed the first birthday of his youngest son, Ethan. His oldest son is Robert Collins, 9.
His wife said he hopes to get a call from him today, but it seemed questionable, as he was heading out on a mission this morning. "He's always telling me, 'Duty calls,'" she said.
Burlington resident Wanda McNees saw her son, Pfc. Brandon McNees, last week, when he came home for a two-week leave.
"I was ready to cook up a Thanksgiving dinner before he left, but he was like, 'No, mom, it's OK,' " she said.
She planned to spend today at her father's house, cooking for up to 90 family members, just as she does every Thanksgiving. Her 6-foot-3, 180-pound son can really put away the turkey and deviled eggs, she said.
"I don't know how I'm going to do it without him," she said. "It will just be a little sadder."
Staff Sgt. Charles W. Riley has been away from home on Thanksgiving before - he's on his third four-year stint with the Marines. But the Dixie Heights High School graduate has always at least called on Thanksgiving and Christmas.
This year, his mother, Edgewood resident Polly McNally, doesn't even expect that. Since August, her son's been in Iraq, on his first combat deployment.
During World War II, Polly's fighter-pilot uncle was shot down over Europe, and her grandmother spent many anxious days waiting for word about him. Now Polly knows how she feels.
She shares her concerns with fellow members of the Blue Star Mothers of Northern Kentucky, a support group for mothers with children in the military. They will soon get together to put together and send Christmas care packages to their children.
A few weeks ago, she sent her son some plastic pumpkins and a stuffed turkey doll.
She usually cooks a big dinner on Thanksgiving, which fills her house with people and commotion. But this year, she planned to accept an invitation to have dinner at a friend's house.
"That might make it a little easier, in some ways," she said. "For the most part, we just try to be happy and look to when he comes home safe."
Ellie