thedrifter
08-28-07, 08:32 AM
"What the Captain Said"
This came from my last Captain, Nick Kougias, who flew in the Air Force and had to suffer through the DFW to LAX all night Red Eye’s with me plying him with story after story. The cassette tape he gave me sounded like it came out his trunk from Vietnam and if you can imagine a salty southern sounding pilot, full of **** and vinegar talking, then you can hear his voice in the following transcripts.
Semper Fi,
Taco
PS, Happy Birthday Poppa John
“What the Captain said”
The following correspondence was recorded by a civilian reporter, who interviewed a shy, unassuming F-4 Phantom Fighter pilot. So the reporter wouldn’t misconstrue the fighter pilots reply, the wing information Officer was on hand as a monitor to make certain the “Real” Air Force story was told.
The Captain was first asked his opinion of his F-4C aircraft
Captain: It’s so F***ing maneuverable that you can fly up your own ass with it.
Wing PAO (Public Affairs Officer): What the Captain means is, that he has found the F-4C to be highly maneuverable at all altitudes and he considers it an excellent aircraft for all missions assigned.
Reporter: I suppose Captain, that you have flown a number of missions over North Vietnam, what do you think of the SAMS used by the North Vietnamese?
Captain: Why those stupid bastards couldn’t hit a bull in the ass with a bass fiddle, we fake the **** out them, no sweat.
POA: What the Captain means, is that the surface to air missiles around Hanoi poses a serious threat to our air operations and that our pilots have a healthy respect for them.
Reporter: I suppose Captain that you flown missions to the south, what kind of ordnance do you use and what kind of targets do you hit?
Captain: Well, I’ll tell ya, mostly we aim at kicking the **** out of Vietnamese villages. My favorite ordnance is Napalm. Man that stuff just sucks the air out of their friggin’ lungs and makes one son of a *****in fire.
PAO: What the Captain means is that airstrikes in South Vietnam are often against VietCong structures and all operations are always under the positive control of a forward air controller or FAC. The ordnance employed are conventional 500 and 750 pound bombs and 20mm cannon fire.
Reporter: I suppose you have spent an R and R in Hong Kong, what was your impression of the oriental girls?
Captain: Yeah, I went to Hong Kong. As far as those Oriental broads, I don’t care which way the runway runs, North or South, East or West, a piece of ass is a piece of ass.
PAO: What the Captain means is, that he finds the delicately featured Oriental girls fascinating and he was very impressed with their fine manners and thinks their naivety is most charming.
Reporter: Tell me Captain, have you flown any missions other then over North and South Vietnam?
Captain: You bet your sweet ass I’ve flown other missions then over North and South Vietnam. We get fragged nearly every day to fly into Laos. The F**kers throw everything at you but the kitchen sink. Even the God dam kids have sling shots.
PAO: What the Captain means is that he has occasionally be scheduled to fly missions in the extreme Western DMZ and he has a healthy respect for the flack in that area.
Reporter: I understand that no one in the 12th tactical fighter wing has scored a MIG yet, what seems to be the problem?
Captain: Why you peckerhead, if you knew anything about what you’re talking about, the problem is MIGS. If we got fragged by those by those numb nuts in the 7th for those counters in MIG valley. You can bet your sweet ass that we’d get some of them Mothers. Those glory hounds at UBon get all them Frags, while we settle for fighting friggin the war. Those MOTHERS at UBon are sitting on their fat asses killing MIG’s and we’re stuck bombing the ******* cabbage patches.
PAO: What the Captain means is that each element of the Seventh Air Force is responsible for doing their assigned mission. Higher headquarter will assign the different units to what is best suitable for their aircraft. There is no favoritism shown towards one group over another.
Reporter: Well Captain, thanks for your interview and do you have anything else to add?
Captain: Yeah, I do! When are you F**kers going to print the real story and what I said?
PAO: I think the Captain means to say that he appreciates the chance to pass on his views of Vietnam and the day to day mission he completes day in and day out.
Reporter: Last question Captain, can you sum up in a phrase your feelings on the war in Vietnam?
Captain: Yeah, it’s a F**ked up war.
PAO: laughing hard, What the Captains said was “It’s a F**ked up War”
Semper Fi,
Taco
Ellie
This came from my last Captain, Nick Kougias, who flew in the Air Force and had to suffer through the DFW to LAX all night Red Eye’s with me plying him with story after story. The cassette tape he gave me sounded like it came out his trunk from Vietnam and if you can imagine a salty southern sounding pilot, full of **** and vinegar talking, then you can hear his voice in the following transcripts.
Semper Fi,
Taco
PS, Happy Birthday Poppa John
“What the Captain said”
The following correspondence was recorded by a civilian reporter, who interviewed a shy, unassuming F-4 Phantom Fighter pilot. So the reporter wouldn’t misconstrue the fighter pilots reply, the wing information Officer was on hand as a monitor to make certain the “Real” Air Force story was told.
The Captain was first asked his opinion of his F-4C aircraft
Captain: It’s so F***ing maneuverable that you can fly up your own ass with it.
Wing PAO (Public Affairs Officer): What the Captain means is, that he has found the F-4C to be highly maneuverable at all altitudes and he considers it an excellent aircraft for all missions assigned.
Reporter: I suppose Captain, that you have flown a number of missions over North Vietnam, what do you think of the SAMS used by the North Vietnamese?
Captain: Why those stupid bastards couldn’t hit a bull in the ass with a bass fiddle, we fake the **** out them, no sweat.
POA: What the Captain means, is that the surface to air missiles around Hanoi poses a serious threat to our air operations and that our pilots have a healthy respect for them.
Reporter: I suppose Captain that you flown missions to the south, what kind of ordnance do you use and what kind of targets do you hit?
Captain: Well, I’ll tell ya, mostly we aim at kicking the **** out of Vietnamese villages. My favorite ordnance is Napalm. Man that stuff just sucks the air out of their friggin’ lungs and makes one son of a *****in fire.
PAO: What the Captain means is that airstrikes in South Vietnam are often against VietCong structures and all operations are always under the positive control of a forward air controller or FAC. The ordnance employed are conventional 500 and 750 pound bombs and 20mm cannon fire.
Reporter: I suppose you have spent an R and R in Hong Kong, what was your impression of the oriental girls?
Captain: Yeah, I went to Hong Kong. As far as those Oriental broads, I don’t care which way the runway runs, North or South, East or West, a piece of ass is a piece of ass.
PAO: What the Captain means is, that he finds the delicately featured Oriental girls fascinating and he was very impressed with their fine manners and thinks their naivety is most charming.
Reporter: Tell me Captain, have you flown any missions other then over North and South Vietnam?
Captain: You bet your sweet ass I’ve flown other missions then over North and South Vietnam. We get fragged nearly every day to fly into Laos. The F**kers throw everything at you but the kitchen sink. Even the God dam kids have sling shots.
PAO: What the Captain means is that he has occasionally be scheduled to fly missions in the extreme Western DMZ and he has a healthy respect for the flack in that area.
Reporter: I understand that no one in the 12th tactical fighter wing has scored a MIG yet, what seems to be the problem?
Captain: Why you peckerhead, if you knew anything about what you’re talking about, the problem is MIGS. If we got fragged by those by those numb nuts in the 7th for those counters in MIG valley. You can bet your sweet ass that we’d get some of them Mothers. Those glory hounds at UBon get all them Frags, while we settle for fighting friggin the war. Those MOTHERS at UBon are sitting on their fat asses killing MIG’s and we’re stuck bombing the ******* cabbage patches.
PAO: What the Captain means is that each element of the Seventh Air Force is responsible for doing their assigned mission. Higher headquarter will assign the different units to what is best suitable for their aircraft. There is no favoritism shown towards one group over another.
Reporter: Well Captain, thanks for your interview and do you have anything else to add?
Captain: Yeah, I do! When are you F**kers going to print the real story and what I said?
PAO: I think the Captain means to say that he appreciates the chance to pass on his views of Vietnam and the day to day mission he completes day in and day out.
Reporter: Last question Captain, can you sum up in a phrase your feelings on the war in Vietnam?
Captain: Yeah, it’s a F**ked up war.
PAO: laughing hard, What the Captains said was “It’s a F**ked up War”
Semper Fi,
Taco
Ellie