A Saturday Question

[thedrifter]

A Saturday Question
Posted By Laughing_Wolf

After work and such this week, I'm a bit fried. Rather than go for serious this morning, I thought I would share a short tale and see if any of you would care to share you worst/funniest/etc. field culinary experience for a laugh.

In my case, I was not the one who did it -- honest. In any group or team, civilian or military, there are people that you rapidly determine just are not the best choice for certain jobs. Yet, dictates are that sometimes the job, like cooking, has to rotate so that everyone has a turn. No matter how unsuited they were for the task.

Years back, when the crust had barely cooled and dinosaurs walked the Earth, meals were not always for the individual and ready to eat. Breakfast was almost always a group affair, and we had quickly learned who did what the best and adjusted the schedule so that they had the duty at the appropriate time. It also meant that the least culinarily inclined, such as "M" as I shall call him, had the easiest times.

Well, we thought it would be hard for M to mess up. However, none of us ever expected him to mistake cups of water for quarts of water when making pancakes from mix. Yep, instead of cups of water he put in quarts of water. We all stared, glared, and hit our carefully horded supplies of bait and dumped in packs of oatmeal and anything else we had that might bulk it up enough to be cooked in the time available. No go. We drank what we could of the uncooked concoction, sucked it up, and moved on.

We did laugh about it fairly quickly, though I am sure that M was glad to see that day end. We razzed him about it for quite a while though. Guess we still are in a way.

So, any of you care to share?

LW

Ellie

[sparkie]

Like that story. I only had 1 little personal fiasco. Making c-rat coffee in a canteen cup. Made a little fire and got it heated, but when I poured in the powder, I had nothing to stir it with. I picked up a stick from the jungle floor and used that.. Damn strangest coffee I EVER tasted. Bitter and BAD. of course I drank it anyway ;] Wonder what it was?

[Messenger]

Hard lessons learned

Over the years I have learned from trials and errors how to make a somewhat edible meal and other little details about preparing food in general.
No matter how strong you are, you quickly find out that even the mightiest of Marines can not open many jars easily.

Marines tries to open jar. Marine grunts and cusses at jar. Wife giggles. Marine is now on a mission. Marine sets jar on the counter and heads to the garage for a tool. Wife grins. As Marine walks back in to the kitchen with tools in hand, Marine sees wife with open jar. Marine sighs and takes tools back to garage.

Wife explains to Marine that she just taps the lid of jar with a spoon then opens it. Marine makes mental note,. , .”beat jar to open it”.

One day smart**s Marine wife is not home and Marine needs a sandwich but has to open a new jar to make it. Marine grunts and cusses and finally decides to get tools to open the jar. As Marine walks back in to kitchen he remembers ,. “beat jar to open it”. Marine looks around to make sure nobody is looking,. , Marine sets down tools and grabs a big spoon out of door. Marine hits jar, Jar breaks, Marine grunts and cusses while he cleans up the mess. Marine drives to McDonalds.

********************************************

Dont put metal into the microwave. I also now know that foil is also considered “Metal” so don’t put foil in the microwave “again“.

Stuff that comes out of microwave is HOT and I mean ##### HOT! don’t do that again.

Adding spices to wife’s cooking normally results in getting hand smacked with wooden spoon. Smart Marine, hides wooden spoons when wife was not looking, Marine then waits for wife to be looking and adds hot sauce to chili, wife reaches for wooden spoon, Marine giggles, Wife gets the “oh yeah” look in her eyes and grabs big metal thing out of door. ,. , .Marine not add stuff to wife’s cooking anymore.

********************************************

Wife asks Marine how he will eat when she is gone someday. Marine says,. Will get a new wife. Wife says but how will you eat for the many years it takes you to get a new wife,. Marine gets funny look and says ,. “Years”? Marine now walks with a limp but knows he is expected to mourn a while when he looses wife and has agreed to learn how to cook a few things.

Simper Fi

[thedrifter]

From Mark's(Fontman) personal website

THE CHARLIE RATION COOKBOOK OR HOW TO EAT WELL IN A FOXHOLE


During the Vietnam war Brig. Gen. Walter S. McIlhenny, U.S. Marine Corps, son of the 2nd company president of McIlhenny Company from his experiences with C-Rations as a Marine during WWII came up with the idea to send soldiers copies of the Charley Ration Cookbook filled with recipes for spicing up C-rations with Tabasco Pepper Sauce wrapped around two-ounce bottles of Tabasco Pepper Sauce along with a handful of a P-38 type can openers all in a waterproof canister. What follows will be a copy of the cookbook.

http://www.thefontman.com/crat_cookbook.html

Ellie

[sparkie]

Funny, I just remembered.. Our first apartment in o'side while I was stationed at Pendleton. Food budget was very tight, $25.00 every 2 weeks at the commissary for normal food and $5.00 for "meat".

One day my wife was making spagettie sauce and of course she used what we had. She found a bowl saran wrapped in the frige that looked like left over cooked hamburger, so she threw it in.. Much later, I asked her where that left over cat food went? The spagettie tasted just fine.

[sparkie]

Remember those c-rat rumors? "Don't eat the cheese, it will plug you up". "Don't touch the crackers, they put salt peter in them".

[Messenger]

Today I understand that MRE’s have a neat little heating gizmo in them. When I was in the Corps we had about ten different MRE’s available. I found that you could warm a meal up by setting it on top of the radiator overflow in a hummers engine compartment. There was a nice little notch there so you didn’t have to worry about it falling out going down the road. Thirty to forty five minutes and you have a nice hot meal.

I carried a lot of little items to make life a little more tolerable out in the field. In my asspack I had a roll of nice toilet patter wrapped in a few zip lock baggies. A sterno fuel can to heat up stuff with, a small canister of instant coffee, a travel pack with salt, pepper and of course a nice big bottle of hot sauce. I would carry a few cans of those little hotdogs and even some sardines or oysters to add in to meals. One of the best items I carried was a small one cup stainless steel coffee thermos. I rally miss that little thermos today. I could fill it up the morning that we left and have a hot cup of coffee 24 hours latter. It was the best thermos I ever had.

I never had a lot of garrison time, I remember being in the field or on a ship a lot back then so I learned early on how to make it with what ever was available. I was quite the little packrat in those days. It doesn’t take going hungry to many times and you learn how to make your rations last and how to add to them.

I remember that when we would go to a survival training course that many in my unit would loose a lot of weight but I was almost always the one that lost the least weight but I was also the one that would add bugs and worms in to my food all of the time while we were out there. It sounds yucky but most would have paid for a bug or worm eat near the end of those courses LOL.

Most that have ever served in the military have one thing in common and that is hardly any of us are picky eaters. I am sure we would all agree that if you’re a picky eater in boot camp your going to starve to death. I think we first learn survival while in boot camp chow halls. You learn to eat anything they are willing to toss on to your trey and do so very quickly. There is really no need for knifes or forks just grab a big spoon and start shoveling it in LOL. Ahh the good ole days.

As I am writing this my survival instinct is kicking in so I will cut this short and log off so I can order a pizza.

Simper Fi

[thedrifter]

http://www.mreinfo.com/images/MilspecGroup-200.jpg

Here is some miscellaneous information from around the internet:

Milspec MRE requires no preparation or refrigeration. It is a meal ready-to-eat (MRE) hot or cold.
Six tasty entree varieties to combat appetite fatigue
Light weight, tamper proof pouch for an extended shelf life.
Meals Ready to Eat are delicious nutritious dinner suited for any outdoor activity.
Minimum 3 year shelf-life (may be extended if stored in temperatures cooler than 85 degrees Fahrenheit (29 degrees Celsius).
A complete meal includes: entree, crackers, jelly, dessert, beverage and accessories (matches, moist towelettes, salt, chewing gum, and more).

Wornick's MILSPEC MRE is the commercial version of the world famous Meal Ready-to-Eat. The MRE meals need no preparation, no need to boil, cook, or even add water to the entrees! MRE products also have a long shelf-life, so they’re perfect for storage. Each waterproof, insect-proof bag contains a full meal, completely ready-to-eat!

Sample Mil-Spec Menus

Menu 1
Parmesan Chicken
Crackers (2-pack)
Strawberry Jam
Chocolate-Covered Cookie
Beverage Base, Orange
Accessory Pack
Total Package Wt. 13.4 oz.

Menu 2
Beef Stew
Fruit Side Dish
Crackers (2-pack)
Strawberry Jam
Chocolate-Covered Oatmeal Cookie
Tabasco Hot Sauce
Beverage Base, Orange
Accessory Pack
Total Package Wt. 18 oz.

Menu 3
Vegetarian Pasta Fagioli
Crackers (2-pack)
Strawberry Jam
Chocolate-Covered Oatmeal Cookie
Beverage Base, Orange
Tabasco Hot Sauce
Accessory Pack
Total Package Wt. 13.4 oz.

Menu 4
Turkey with Savory Vegetables
Crackers (2-pack)
Strawberry Jam
Chocolate-Covered Oatmeal Cookie
Tabasco Hot Sauce
Beverage Base, Coffee
Accessory Pack
Total Package Wt. 18 oz.

Menu 5
Beef Chili with Beans
Fruit Side Dish
Crackers (2-pack)
Strawberry Jam
Chocolate-Covered Oatmeal Cookie
Beverage Base, Orange
Tabasco Hot Sauce
Accessory Pack
Total Package Wt. 18 oz.

Menu 6
Spaghetti and Meatballs
Crackers (2-pack)
Strawberry Jam
Chocolate-Covered Oatmeal Cookie
Tabasco Hot Sauce
Beverage Base, Orange
Tabasco Sauce
Accessory Pack
Total Package Wt. 13.4 oz.

*Accessory Pack includes spoon, salt, pepper, matches, moist towelettes and chewing gum.
***Bowl, cup, and plate in the picture are not included.

Approximate Nutritional Values (Average of the Six Menus):

Net Weight: 427 grams
Protein: 24 grams
Fat: 24 grams
Carbohydrates: 128 grams
Calories: 840


Rations per case: 12 (2 meals each of 6 varieties)
Case dimensions: 15.5" x 9.1" x 9.6"
Case volume: 3.1 cubic feet
Case weight: 15.4 lb (7 kg)

Ellie

[thedrifter]

THE UNOFFICAL MRE RECIPE BOOKLET
OR HOW TO HAVE FUN EATIN ON THE RUN

With the demise of the C-rations in the early 1980s and the advent MRES the McIllhenny Company stepped up and produced an updated version of the Charlie Ration Cookbook. In 1984 The Unofficial MRE Recipe Booklet was brought out with the help of the Bettle Bailey crew to help the GIs spice up their rations. So here is "The Unofficial MRE Recipe Booklet" or "How to Have Fun Eatin on the Run"


http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%202.jpg

http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%203.jpg

http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%205.jpg

continued.....

[thedrifter]

http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%205.jpg

http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%206.jpg

http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%207.jpg


continued

[thedrifter]

http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%208.jpg


http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%209.jpg


http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%2010.jpg


continued....

[thedrifter]

http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%2011.jpg


http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%2012.jpg


http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%2013.jpg

continued...

[thedrifter]

http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%2014.jpg


http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%2015.jpg


http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%2016.jpg


continued....

[thedrifter]

http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%2018.jpg


http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%2019.jpg


http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%2020.jpg


continued...

[thedrifter]

http://www.dad.incomingwormhole.com/C-RATS/MRE%2021.jpg


Ellie

[Sgt Jim]

wife joined me shortly before getting out of the Marines,had our first thanksgiving dinner . we were living in enlisted trailers out side of NewRiver air station.got turkey and started to cook it,didn,t know it had neck ,liver ,gizzard,was still inside of turkey,put turkey in the little stove they had in those trailers.didn,t thaw it out,after about 3-4 hours in oven,pulled turkey out,looked great,cut about a quarter inch in and it was still frozen.took about 6 more hours to cook at low heat,had burgers that night

[sparkie]

Love it... Turkey sycle ;]

[thedrifter]

A friend of mine went out for awhile...

Her hubby(The Marine) decided he would surprise her and start cooking the ham...

She come home and hollers what is the smell...:sick:

Hubby placed the whole ham with wrappings in the oven....

I guess he got used to heating things up in plastic;) :D

Ellie

[Quinbo]

Used to be a favorite prank in the grunts .... waiting for birds or trucks many would fall asleep on their packs. Sneak up on the snoozers and pour a little tobasco on their tongue than stand back and watch the show. Course the next time you were waiting for birds or trucks you best remain verticle cause your time was coming.

[Dave Coup]

1969 Operation Oklahoma Hills. We were 3 days over due for re supply and out of everything except water which was getting real low. We'd been socked in way up in the mountains which was why ther had been no resupply and because it hadn't been hot water consumption was down.
Resupply finally comes, someone forgot to tell the resupply guys that the choppers would need a sling to lower the resupply. First thing in and dropped from 50-60 feet thru canopy was the water in plastic jugs. We managed to salvage about a canteen full per man. Second thing in was chow--- LRRP's
For anyone not familiar with them they are Freeze Dried and pretty tasty if you have some hot water to add to them. They aren't all bad without water as I learned that day. LOL


Dave

[marinegreen]

Dang what I would'nt give for a case or 2 of c-rats, sure do miss them beef-n-rocks with melted cheese,crumble crackers to fine powder, big splash of tobasco (ok maybe 3 or 4 big splashes) stir into a nice thick paste of goo and dig in ! Oh and lets not forget 10 packs of coffee in your canteen cup for some serious Marine Corp java..........

[Dave Coup]

Believe it or not my favorite C rat was Ham and Eggs, cold with just a touch of Tobasco

[thedrifter]

A little bump for you new folks;)

In the link just below, it says there were 5 kinds of smokes in C- rats, including "Benson & Hedges Menthol" ??? Did anyone see these ? I sure didn't. It also says all cigs were out of C-rats in 1972.

http://www.mreinfo.com/mcis.html

http://www.vietnamgear.com/kit.aspx?kit=156

http://www.olive-drab.com/od_rations_c2.php

http://www.olive-drab.com/od_rations_crescent_mil-r.php

http://www.skytroopers.org/beans_with_frankfurter_chunks_in.htm

http://www.georgia-outfitters.com/page52.shtml

Ellie

[Dave Coup]

I don't know who got all those Marlboros, Winstons and Salems.. All I ever seemed to get were Pall Malls.

[RedmanEcho5]

I see the list of MRE's here but has anyone ever had the MRE's issued for "cold weather" training? While up in the mountains for the cold weather training package we had those and they were really different including some instant soup and MORE dessert (for the extra calories). Okay , maybe we were really tired and hungry but I think they tasted great!!. Unless we had hot chow then we ditch the packaged meals for some real food. I think I still have a packet of cheese in here somewhere but I'm afraid to open it and have it explode or worse walk out of here on it's own.

[montana]

we were always getting cused out for useing up all the C4 for heating up the rats....they even started sending out C3...bad stuff...didnt cook for diddle....was glad when they ran out and went back to sending C4...always liked the guy that liked the ham and mothers ....could trade him out of about anything for them....remember chesterfields cigs....those were some nasty nasty smokes...smoked um anyway

[LcplT]

Like that story. I only had 1 little personal fiasco. Making c-rat coffee in a canteen cup. Made a little fire and got it heated, but when I poured in the powder, I had nothing to stir it with. I picked up a stick from the jungle floor and used that.. Damn strangest coffee I EVER tasted. Bitter and BAD. of course I drank it anyway ;] Wonder what it was?



Spakkie?? you still there?? are you seeing anything funny ... strange lights... colors/??? anything?? NO?? then it was just a stick, and that was the way ... really the way coffee tasted out of those rations... LOL.

[sparkie]

Spakkie?? you still there?? are you seeing anything funny ... strange lights... colors/??? anything?? NO?? then it was just a stick, and that was the way ... really the way coffee tasted out of those rations... LOL.
And, no, they never tasted like it did that day. Not a flavor on Starbucks list. Maybe it was monkey pee??

[Zebra29er]

Dang what I would'nt give for a case or 2 of c-rats, sure do miss them beef-n-rocks with melted cheese,crumble crackers to fine powder, big splash of tobasco (ok maybe 3 or 4 big splashes) stir into a nice thick paste of goo and dig in ! Oh and lets not forget 10 packs of coffee in your canteen cup for some serious Marine Corp java..........
:banana:
Oh I miss the cigarettes the most -- learned to play the flute smoking those things in country ,back in 65

[sscjoe]

Ellie- 1975 c-rats still came with cigs, never had my brand but beggars can't be choosey.

[rickyracer]

If you are ( hungry ) you will eat it.

[Sgt Jim]

You could almost nail down your shelter half with those cigarettes,smoked them anyway

[Zebra29er]

and the worms made em taste yummy LOL ( thats where the holes came from )

[mgkusmc]

I've got a story it doesnt involve C-rations but it was the funniest thing I ever saw. I took a buddy of mine home with me on leave. Now until he joined the Marine Corps he had never camped out or even slept outside, let alone cook outside and he still hadnt up to this point he had just eaten mostly MREs in the field. Typical New Yorker!
So anyways I take him back home and we meet up with a buddy of mine who wants to go camping. So we go and were setting up to make us a meal and my friend pulls out a bag with bullion cubes in it. My pal from New York quickly asks what they are, and my friend says "Oh they make things taste like chicken" before we could tell him the rest the New Yorker grabs a cube from the bag and pops it in his mouth and then starts cussing at us cause he didnt know the Bullion Cube had to be cooked into the food.

[SGT7477]

Good one,lol.

[thedrifter]

~Meals Ready To Eat~

The MRE was adopted as the Department of Defense combat ration in 1975. A large-scale production test began in 1978 with delivery in 1981. MRE I (1981) was the first date of pack.

*Recipe*

MRE Recipe
Ingredients:

1 MRE (Meal, Ready-to-Eat)

Directions:
Open and consume.
Heating optional.
Discard appropriately


During Operation Desert Storm, MREs were eaten by troops for far longer than they were originally intended. Originally intended for 10 days or less, many troops ate them for 60+ days. As a result, three changes were quickly made to supplement the MREs and enhance their acceptability: shelf-stable bread in an MRE pouch was developed, a high-heat-stable chocolate bar was developed that wouldn't melt in the desert heat (this had been attempted before but the bar had a waxy taste and wasn't widely accepted), and flameless ration heaters were developed as a quick and easy method for troops to heat their entrees.

The military makes a few changes to the menus every year so you will find a different menu listing for each year. In general, though, each MRE contains the following:

Entree - the main course, such as Spaghetti or Beef Stew
Side dish - rice, corn, fruit, or mashed potatoes, etc.
Cracker or Bread
Spread - peanut butter, jelly, or cheese spread
Dessert - cookies or pound cakes
Candy - M&Ms, Skittles, or Tootsie Rolls
Beverages - Gatorade-like drink mixes, cocoa, dairy shakes, coffee, tea
Hot sauce or seasoning - in some MREs
Flameless Ration Heater - to heat up the entree
Accessories - spoon, matches, creamer, sugar, salt, chewing gum, toilet paper, etc.
Each MRE provides an average of 1,250 calories (13% protein, 36% fat, and 51% carbohydrates) and 1/3 of the Military Recommended Daily Allowance of vitamins and minerals. A full day's worth of meals would consist of three MREs.

*Recipe*

MRE Nachos
Ingredients:

4 – Packages of crackers
3 – Packages of jalapeño or regular cheese
1 – Main meal of chicken or steak
1 – Package of beans

Directions:

1 – Heat beans. Break crackers into dipping-size pieces and spread out on unfolded, main meal box.
2 – Chop chicken or steak main meal into small pieces.
3 – Once beans are hot, spread over crackers.
Repeat steps for cheese packages and chicken or steak main meal. Add seasoning or Tabasco sauce from accessory packet if necessary. Enjoy.

Some of the early MRE main courses were not very palatable, earning them the nicknames "Mr. E" (mystery), "Meals Rejected by Everyone", "Meals, Rarely Edible", "Meals Rejected by the Enemy", "Morsels, Regurgitated, Eviscerated", "Meal, Ready to Excrete", "Materials Resembling Edibles", and even "Meals Rejected by Ethiopians". Some meals got their own nicknames. For example, the frankfurters, which came sealed in pouches of four, were referred to as "the four fingers of death". Although quality has improved over the years, many of the nicknames have stuck. MREs were often called "Three Lies for the Price of One" - it's not a Meal, it's not Ready, and you can't Eat it

*Recipe*

Ranger pudding

When made with less water, Ranger pudding also can be baked into a brownie (but don’t try it with the new MRE stove, because the chemicals in it aren’t healthy. Use an alternate heat source).
MRE Cocoa beverage mix
Coffee creamer
Water

1. Mix all ingredients in cocoa pouch to the consistency of pudding and enjoy.


If you grew up like a lot of Americans, eating casseroles, Hamburger Helper and lots of prepared foods out of a can or a jar, then an MRE is a completely normal, completely acceptable meal for you. If, on the other hand, you are the sort of person who prefers a salad of mixed greens with essence of cranberries effused in a vinaigrette dressing, along with a filet topped with a caramelized red onion glaze, baby carrots and angel hair pasta on the side, finishing with a strawberry sorbet and mixed fresh berries for dessert, then the MRE menu is unlikely to suit you


U. S. Army Ranger school diet -58 days to a leaner, meaner you

Learn from the people who know weight loss and physical fitness best. Learn how to push your body beyond the limits of hunger. Learn how to dream about food every waking moment. Achieve the absolute lowest levels of body fat imaginable, then gain it all back and more in the first two weeks post-ranger school.

Unless you have served within certain branches and career fields within the military you have probably never heard of one of the Army's more low key operations. It certainly isn't classified, but with a few exceptions (the recent flack over the Army's decision to issue the black beret to all of it's troops) you don't hear much about it.

The unit I am speaking of is none other than the 75th Ranger Regiment otherwise known as the U.S. Army Rangers.

In order to closely simulate extended and rigorous combat conditions the Rangers have come up with the U.S. Army Ranger School. Here men are put through a variety of Ranger missions, such as "reconnaissance, raids, ambushes, and general disruption of enemy operations" in a variety of different environments - urban, mountainous, desert, and jungle to hone their leadership and combat skills.

Much like the space program has yielded many "spin off" technologies and benefits, there is one distinct and common effect of this training on all who spend any appreciable amount of time there. No one leaves Ranger School fat. I don't believe it has ever happened, nor ever will. So, for the first time ever we here at VDC are going to bring to you this secretive government formula which is guaranteed to leave you looking like Twiggy or Barney Fife in just a short 58 days.

Some of the U.S. Army Ranger School Diet features:
NO strange and esoteric meals to prepare
Most meals come in a convenient pre-packaged form (MRE's) with the exception of the "Mountain Phase Blueberry Pancake Free Days"
NO diet supplements needed (or allowed)
NO calorie counting
NO complicated 40/30/30 nutrient guidelines
NO low carb meals. Eat whatever you want (or more accurately, whatever we give you and you will like it)

Along with this package you get a full set of instructions on how to:
Eat only one meal per day (no matter how hungry you get)
Smell a pack of MRE crackers that is opened from over 50 meters away Or that isn't really there
Put your body through extreme physical trial for an average of 12 hours per day
When not actually moving long distances while carrying a heavy load stay awake and fully aware of your surroundings for another 10 hours per day
Stay awake for an average 20 hours per day
Dream about the foods you can not have during almost every waking moment
Sleep while walking with a heavy ruck sack on your back and a full combat load of equipment
Condition yourself to respond to most questions with the phrase "I wasn't sleeping"
Prepare 101 favorite MRE recipes
Follow a recent IOBC grad cherry lieutenant in endless circles for an extra two or three hours at night because he refuses to listen to the fact that he is L-O-S-T (and also because moving on the correct course would have allowed you to meet your objective time and get too much sleep anyway)

Remember this program is guaranteed to make you skinny!

No one has ever left Ranger School fat- No one

You get all of this and much more for only $995. Order Now!

Or you can order the fully personalized U.S. Army Ranger School Diet Program.You and 8 to 12 of your fat friends will have 4 Ranger Instructors come to your house for 58 days to personally supervise your diet program. We'll even eat candy bars and anything else you have in the house in front of you just for spite (just like the real thing).

This exclusive service is now available to you for a mere $12,000 per person * (min 8 people)

Submitted by ArmyLt1;);)


~From GulfWar1Vet~

I remember the MRE’s when going out to field exercises in Germany. We had a hot meal one day, but for those two weeks, MRE’s were it. Spaghetti is the best one that you can get get. Heat it up in your tin can and what a feast. Get your cheese and crackers, and hot chocolate mix. Yep, what a grand meal! Chicken a la King can be great, but you have to heat it up. Eating it cold, YUCK! Chocolate bars...Mmm..mmm...good. BUT, you better watch out, for it is a great substitute for Exlax. LOL

The MRE’s of today are so much improved than it was 15-20 yrs ago. But it sure beats being hungry!


~From Radix (Alternative uses for MREs or Fun With Tabasco!)~

MREs include a small bottle of tabasco sauce. For whatever reason, Troops often save them up.

Take the tabasco stash and pour a bunch of them into the MRE heater (instead of water) and throw that heater in a humvee when your friends are sleeping in it. When they wake up the steam reaction from the heater makes the air hot like tobasco sauce. They start coughing.. (like a mild cs chamber) and jump out of the vehicle. You start laughing.....


~From Old Sarge~

I first met Mister E. (MRE’s) in 1985, while on maneuvers at Fort Bliss. The packs back then were the first-generation meals: about fourteen or so choices, hot sauce in every one, dark-brown bags that looked like Hefty Bags.

As the Mister E’s became more available, I began keeping a small stock of them for camping, survival, and emergencies. As my family got older and bigger, I managed to keep at least a case or so at home. Over the last two decades, they’re as much a part of life in uniform as the uniform itself.


*The Marine Dinner Date - MREs For Your Sweetie* (hysterical!)

The Marine Dinner Date

I had a date the other night at my place. On the phone the day before, the girl asked me to “Cook her something she’s never had before” for dinner. After many minutes of scratching my head over what to make, I finally settled on something she has DEFINITELY never eaten.

I got out my trusty case of MRE’s. Meal, Ready-to-Eat. Field rations that when eaten in their entirety contain 3000+ calories. Here’s what I made:

I took three of the Ham Slices out of their plastic packets, took out three of the Pork Chops, three packets of Chicken-a-la-King, and eight packets of dehydrated butter noodles and some dehydrated/rehydrated rice. I cooked the Ham Slices and Pork Chops in one pan, sautéed in shaved garlic and olive oil.

In another pot, I blended the Chicken a-la-king, noodles, and rice together to make a sort of mush that looked suspiciously like succotash. I added some spices, and blended everything together in a glass pan that I then cooked in the oven for about 35 minutes at 450 degrees.

When I took it out, it looked like, well, ham slices, pork chops, and a bed of yellow poop. I covered the tops of the meat in the MRE cheese (kinda like Velveeta) and added some green sprinkly thingys from one of my spice cans (hey, if it’s got green sprinkly thingys on it, it looks fancy right?)

For dessert, I took four MRE Pound Cakes, mashed ‘em up, added five packets of cocoa powder, powdered coffee cream, and some water. I heated it up and stirred it until it looked like a sort of chunky gelatinous organism, and I sprinkled powdered sugar on top of it. Voila — Ranger Pudding.

For alcoholic drinks, I took the rest of my bottle of Military Special Vodka (yes, they DO make a type of liquor named “Military Special”—it sells for $4.35 per fifth at the Class Six ) and mixed in four packets of “Electrolytes - 1 each - Cherry flavored” (I swear, the packet says that). It looked like an eerie kool-aid with sparkles in it (that was the electrolytes I guess… could’ve been leftover sand from Egypt).

I lit two candles, put a vase of wildflowers in the middle, and set the table with my best set of Ralph Lauren Academy-series China (that **** is EXPENSIVE… my set of 8 place settings cost me over $600 on sale at the Lejeune PX ), and put the alcoholic drink in a crystal wine decanter.

She came over, and I had some appetizers already made, of MRE spaghetti-with-meatballs, set in small cups. She saw the dinner, saw the food, and said “This looks INCREDIBLE!!!”

We dug in, and she was loving the food. Throughout the meal, she kept asking me how long it took me to make it, and kept remarking that I obviously knew a thing or two about cooking fine meals. She kind of balked at the makeshift “wine” I had set out, but after she tried it I guess she liked it because she drank four glasses during dinner.

At the end of the main course, when I served the dessert, she squealed with delight at the “Chocolate mousse” I had made. Huh? Chocolate what? Okay… yeah… it’s Chocolate Moose. Took me HOURS to make… yup.

Later on, as we were watching a movie, she excused herself to use my restroom. While she was in there, I heard her say softly to herself “uh oh” and a resounding but petite fart punctuated her utterance of dismay.

Let the games begin.

She sprayed about half a can of air freshener (Air Freshener, 1 each, Orange scent. Yup. The military even makes smellgood) and returned to the couch, this time with an obvious pained look.

After 10 more minutes she excused herself again, and retreated to the bathroom for the second time, I could hear her say “What the hell is WRONG with me???” as she again send flatulent shock waves into the porcelain bowl. This time, they sounded kinda wet, and I heard the toilet paper roll being employed, and again, LOTS more air freshener.

Back to the couch. She smiles meekly as she decides to sit on the chair instead of next to me. She sits on my chair, knees pulled up to her chest, kind of rocking back and forth slightly. Suddenly, without a word, she ROCKETED up and FLEW to the bathroom, slammed the door, and didn’t come out for 30 minutes.

I turned the movie up because I didn’t want her to hear me laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my cheeks.

She came out with a slightly gray pallor to her face, and said “I am SOOOOOO sorry. I have NO idea what is wrong with me. I am so embarrassed, I can’t believe I keep running to your bathroom!!” I gave her an Immodium AD, and she finally settled down and relaxed.

Later on, she asked me again what I had made for dinner, because she had enjoyed it so much. I calmly took her into the kitchen and showed her all the used MRE bags and packets in the trash can.

After explaining to her that she had eaten roughly 9,000 calories of “Marine Corps Field Rations” she turned stark white, looked at me incredulously, and said “I ate 9,000 calories of dehydrated food that was made 3 years ago?” After I concurred, she grabbed her coat and keys, and took off without a word.

She called me yesterday. Seems she couldn’t **** for 5 days, and when she finally did, the smell was so bad, her roommate could smell it from down the hall. She also told me she had been working out nonstop to combat the high caloric intake, and that she never wanted me to cook dinner for her again, unless she was PERSONALLY there to inspect the food beforehand.

It was a fun date. She laughed about it eventually and said that that was the first time she’d ever crapped in a guy’s house on a date. She’d been so upset by it she was in tears in the bathroom while I had been in tears on the couch.

I know … I’m an *******, but it was still a funny night.

~From M1911A1 (Laughter & Tissue Alert!:)~


Meals, Ready to Eat. They had so many names-
Meals, Rejected by Ethiopians
Morale Reducing Elements
And my favorite: Mr. E

They are a lot better now (or at least a couple years ago when I last had one) then they were when they first came out.
The infamous Pork Patty, Dehydrated was amazing. Dry, it had the taste and quality of Moleskin bandages that had been worn on blistered feet for a twenty mile hump, and then baked in the sun. If you added water, the result was the same, except the chewy crunch was enhanced with a slimy, retch-inducing exterior.

One of my fondest memories of dining with MR. E was being issued Chicken Ala King one morning when it was about fifteen degrees outside. The meal had been kept sort of warm in a tent, but when the pouch was opened the cold air hit it and produced a curious effect; congealed globules of fat rose to the top, and seemed to cling to the plastic spoon that was trying to maneuver between them. Yum!

I started my career on C-rations and in later days I would wax nostalgic about the fruit cocktail. “Lads, you could drink the juice from the can!” I would declare, as the young Marines munched on crunchy, dehydrated fruit. I would tell them about Gorilla Cookies, Pound Cake, Beans and ....well, this is a family friendly place, so I won’t use the real names.

One thing I do miss about being retired is the coffee. There was this wonderful concoction that could be made by mixing two coffee packets, a hot chocolate packet and several sugars and creams. Who knew that somebody would open Starbucks and make money on that stuff we stirred up in our canteen cups?

Something about getting your morning Joe from a Mr. Coffee in the kitchen just doesn’t compare to having the last firewatch hand you that wonderful brew in the frosty gloom of Zero-Dark Thirty, as he smiles and says “ ‘Morning, Top!” ‘cause he knows that the PFC wise enough to provide the old grouch that first cup is likely to have a choice assignment that day.

Yes, I remember Mr. E, but when I stop to think about eating that doubtful chow, the memories that really come flooding back are the Marines I broke bread (or Crackers, Saltine with Cheese Spread) with. I may eat better food now, or on rare occasions go to some fancy restaurant with fine decor, but I’ll never have better company at a well set table than I had eating MREs sitting on the ground.

To those Marines I knew, I hoist a Lemon Beverage Powder to you. Semper Fi!


Ellie

[thedrifter]

All reference to Ovens are Camping cast iron Dutch ovens.
1 charcoal briquette = 35 to 50 degrees

Raspberry Peach Cobbler

Ingredients:
4 cups pancake mix
2 ½ cups Squirt
1 can peaches
1 pack of fresh raspberries

Directions:
• Preheat a 8-inch Dutch oven to 350
• Mix pancake mix and squirt
• Pour into Dutch oven
• Add fruit to top and stir slightly
• Cover and bake for 45 mins or until done.


Stacked Pudding Cup
Ingredients:
1 package vanilla pudding
1 package lemon pudding
1 can of fruit
1 package Graham Crackers
Whipped Cream
Jar of Cherries
Milk
6 Clear plastic cups

Directions:
• Crush Graham Crackers
• In separate bowls prepare vanilla pudding per package instructions and lemon pudding per instructions
• Place a layer of vanilla pudding at the bottom of the cup
• Place a layer of fruit on top of vanilla pudding
• Layer lemon pudding over fruit
• Layer crushed Graham Crackers
• Dollop on Whipped Cream
• Top with a Cherry

Serves 6

Jambalaya
Ingredients:
4 big yellow onions finely chopped
8 cups of water
4 cups of rice
1 bell pepper – chopped
2 to 3 banana peppers – chopped
3 to 5 crushed garlic cloves
2 bundles of green onions – chopped
2 whole chicken breasts cut up
1 Kielbasa (or any other large sausage) sliced up
¼ tsp Salt
¼ tsp pepper
½ tsp red pepper

Directions:
• Brown sausage and chicken then set aside
• Using medium to medium high heat; Cook down the yellow onion and crushed garlic while constantly stirring (add a little water if necessary so it doesn’t get dry in the bottom of the pot). Don’t burn them or the whole thing is ruined.
• Once this is Sautéed way down, add in the meat that you set aside.
• Add in water until all is covered.
• Season to taste and cook until the meat is good and tender.
• While that is cooking prepare the rice per the rice’s package instructions.
• As soon as the rice is done, remove from heat mix with the meat pot.

Serve Jambalaya with French bread white beans and salad.

SIMPLE COOKING IDEAS


Apple Delight — Core an apple just over halfway. Fill the hollow with cinnamon and marshmallows. Skewer it on a forked stick and hold it over the coals until the marshmallow melts and the apple is easy to puncture.

Banana Hot Boat — Cut a v-shaped wedge from the top of an unpeeled banana. Fill the wedge with pieces of chocolate and marshmallow. Wrap the banana in foil and place it on the coals for 8-10 minutes.

Chili Bag — Cook up a pot of chili (homemade or canned). Buy individual size bags of Doritos or something similar. Cut an X on the front of the bag and open. Put the chili on top of the chips, and shredded cheese. And you have portable lunchtime nachos/tacos.

Corn — Remove the silk and soak the ears in water. Lay the ears on hot coals for about 8 minutes per side.

Dog in a blanket — Wrap a wiener in biscuit dough, skewer it on a stick and bake over hot coals. Or slit the wiener and insert a piece of cheese before you wrap and cook it. Be imaginative.

Egg in orange peel — Scoop out the orange pulp and eat it, then grease the inside of the peel, crack an egg into it, and set it on the coals to cook.

Egg on skewer — Prick a tiny hole in both ends of an egg and skewer it, but be careful not to go through the yolk. Place on a forked stick and hold over coals. Or, coat the egg with a stiff mud paste and cook covered with mud in the coals for 20 minutes.

Eggs in Paper Cup — Fill a cup with water and drop in an egg, with or without the shell. Set the cup into the coals.

Eggs and Bacon in a Paper Bag — Put strips of bacon on the bottom of the bag, crack an egg or two on top of the bacon, fold over the top of the bag and hang it on a stick over hot coals.

Hang-um High Chicken — Hang a whole chicken on a string from a tripod over a bed of hot coals. Fashion an aluminum foil umbrella over the chicken to reflect the heat.

Hot Rock Cooking — Lay a flat, hot rock on coals and use it as a griddle to cook hamburger, eggs, steak, fish, bacon, or bread.

Kabob — Skewer meat, potatoes and another vegetable (tomato, zucchini, mushrooms) on a stick. Cook over hot coals.

No Cook Fudge — Try this one at a campfire while you tell a story, sing songs, etc. Have the boys pass it around to knead so everyone gets a chance.

½ gallon ziplock bag
½ cups cocoa
3 ounces cream cheese
1 pound powdered sugar
3 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon vanilla
Place all ingredients in the ziplock bag. Work out the air. Kneed 25-30 min. Nuts or peanut butter may be added at the end.

Onion Oven — Cut an onion in half and scoop out all but the two outside layers. Crack an egg into each half, or fill with chopped, seasoned meat, cap, and place directly on hot coals.

Potato1 — Cut out the center of a potato. Fill with hamburger and diced onion, or with butter and cheese. Plug the hole with some of the pieces you removed. Coat potato with 2 inches of thick mud and place in coals. Cook for about an hour.

Potato2 — Slice off the top of a spud, hollow out a tunnel, and crack an egg into the hollow. Rub a bit of the egg white around the cut top, and then put the “lid” back on the potato. Wrap in foil and bake in coals.

Stick Bread — Press a wad of dough onto the end of a stick and bake over hot coals. Try cinnamon twists. Pat dough into a rectangle, spread with butter, cinnamon and brown sugar, and cut into 2” strips. Wrap strip around a green stick and toast over the coals.

Ellie

[thedrifter]

http://images46.fotki.com/v1392/photos/2/292835/4670962/camel_forever-vi.jpg

http://home.comcast.net/~radixionary/P38CanOpener.jpg


Cookin' with Sgt Ray Rachael - Meals Ready To Eat
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IM3_ZoWXBaM



Ellie