Taxing Quotations

[thedrifter]

Taxing Quotations
By Tom Purcell
FrontPageMagazine.com | April 13, 2007

I stumbled across something on the IRS Web site I never expected to see: quotations from great minds on taxes.

The first two agitated me:

"Taxes are what we pay for civilized society.'' — Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr., U.S. Supreme Court justice

"The power of taxing people and their property is essential to the very existence of government.'' — James Madison, U.S. president

Hey, fellows, I don't mind paying taxes for a civilized society. It's paying for the uncivilized part that grates on me. And I'm happy for the existence of our government, but, goodness, why does its existence have to be so big?

Here is a telling quotation from Frederick the Great, an 18th-century Prussian king:

"No government can exist without taxation. This money must necessarily be levied on the people; and the grand art consists of levying so as not to oppress.''

Yes, Freddy, levying without oppressing is a grand art — much the way it is an art for a loan shark to break five fingers without harming the wrist.

Two great thinkers offer flowery words on the subject:

"Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.'' — Lord Bramwell, 19th century English jurist

"To tax and to please, no more than to love and to be wise, is not given to men." — Edmund Burke, 18th century Irish political philosopher and British statesman

Hey, Brammy, my dear sweet mother may be misunderstood and I'll never forget her, but I don't remember the government ever bringing me milk and cookies after clearing out my bank account.

And though I admire Burke, the father of conservatism, he failed to envision America in 2007. Some Americans are not only pleased with taxes, but they hope to impose more of them on the rest of us.

Three of our thinkers make fine points:

"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax." — Albert Einstein

"Taxation WITH representation ain't so hot, either." — Gerald Barzan, humorist

"A tax loophole is something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform." — Russell B. Long, U.S. senator


Ah, now we're getting to the thick of it. Our tax code is the hardest thing in the world to understand. It was made that way because our representatives, seeking favor and dough, slipped in gobs of loopholes for their buddies.

Our government calls this "tax reform," and it is the reason our tax code now runs, according to the Cato Institute, 61,000 pages in length and takes the average American nearly 30 hours to comply with.

One quotation made me sad:

"Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund." — F.J. Raymond, humorist

Well, F.J., next to being shot at and hit, nothing is quite as unpleasant as the sizable checks I've had to write every year since I became self-employed in 1993.

The concept of taxes agitates me so much, particularly this week as I am buried in a pile of receipts, that I was drawn to the more humorous quotations:

"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is - I could be just as proud for half the money." — Arthur Godfrey

"People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women." — Unknown

"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf." — Will Rogers

The IRS says that it does not endorse any of these quotations. I don't fault it for being cautious. Enforcing our incomprehensible laws, rules and regulations is the hardest job in the world. The IRS is often blamed for the mess that Congress created.

Still, I'm sure the IRS wants to keep a distance from this one:

"Where there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income." — Plato

Well, then. I guess tax woes have been around for a while.

Ellie

[10thzodiac]

Just wait till you start withdrawing your traditional IRA's, it will increase how much of your social security income is taxable. As compared to last year, this year I'm paying and extra $1200 on approximately the same amount of social security income because of IRA distribution.

I have a sly old army buddy that is planning his IRA distribution, he told me that he's going to withdraw all of his and tell the tax man he lost it all in Vegas http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/tsmileys2/11.gif

If the tax man asks him how come he did that, he's going to tell them, "because I knew you were going to get it !" http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/tsmileys2/18.gif

He re-enlisted out of army boot-camp to avoid Nam and went to Korea as a Nike radar technician. He's been on SSI since his mid-thirties. He always teases me, "at least it's your buddy who is getting your taxes, it's not like a complete stranger getting it that you don't even know !!! http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/tsmileys2/02.gif

[YLDNDN6]

I have been working on a tax proposal that I think might get some support from certain groups, and may possibly make more sense than our existing tax structure. In a nutshell, here it is. Instead of the government having the sole taxing authority, give the power to tax to the people. Every citizen of legal age would be issued a "Tax Pad" which he or she would carry on their person at all times. Instead of paying income tax and sales tax and sin tax, taxes would be situational. A person would simply whip out their tax pad and write up a tax bill for any of the following occurrences...
1. Screaming unruly child tax. $5.00 If it were you or me having a tantrum in public, we'd be institutionalized and fined heavily.
2. Stupidity tax. $5.00 If we actually taxed people for the stupid crap they do, usually several times per day, there might just be a little less stupidity eventually.
3. Vulgarity tax. $5.00 per vulgar or profane word uttered publicly, where my four year old can hear you. Use your frickin head, moron. I don't like it when you say it, I sure don't want my kid saying it too!
4. Bad breath and body odor tax. $5.00 How many times have we been assaulted by some funky odor eminating from someone we are forced, in a social situation, to talk to. Avoid the fine, use the $5.00 to get some breath mints and deodorant. You would be doing the whole world a favor.
5. Barking dog tax. $5.00 per occurrence. Yes, you have a right to have a dog. Yes, dogs bark. But, do I have to be subjected to your right to own a dog at 0200 every night? Bring him or her in when you see my bedroom lights go out. Jeez!!!
6. Fart tax. Only $1.00 each time due to the frequency with which some people need to, and can only be imposed in confined areas such as elevators vehicles and small offices. Silent-but-deadlies may be taxed at a slightly higher rate, because if I am going to have to eat it, I should at least have the audio warning of its impending arrival.
7. Automobile tax. $1,000.00 per day. Now don't get me wrong. I don't mean the ones you drive. I mean the ones you drove twenty years ago, haven't run in fifteen years, but for some reason, you feel you need to have them displayed in your front yard on bricks for the whole neighborhood to deal with. They are not cool. You will not restore them some day. Your kid doesn't want to put the work into it so he will have a groovy first car. Junk the darn thing and get on with your life.
8. Loud music tax. $50.00 per occurrence. If I am sitting in my car at a stop light, and cannot hear my own radio because you have some sort of demented impulse to destroy your own hearing by blasting the stereo in your car, pay for that hearing damage, dude! It wouldn't seem quite so cool if you had to pay taxes instead of getting new CD's and gasoline. Turn that garbage down!!!
9. Junkmail tax. $5.00 dollars per piece of mail that I didn't expressly request to be delivered to my house. Wouldn't it be great to be able to send them their junk back along with a tax bill??? Or, you could do what I do from time to time. I let it all pile up for a week or so, then I put it all in an envelope and send it back to one of the places that sent me junkmail with a postage-paid envelope. I get a kick out of myself sometimes!
10. Telemarketing tax. $100.00 per call. $500.00 per call if it comes while I am either eating my dinner or making love to my wife. Because of certain situations in my life, I HAVE to answer the phone EVERY time it rings. No exceptions. When you interrupt me during either of the above activities, you have really ruined something special. You MUST pay for it!!!

These are only a few of the ideas I have come up with, but I am sure you all get the picture. If income tax were eliminated, and this program put into effect, think of all the money our government would suddenly have coming in. And maybe people would start taking responsibility for some of the crap that upsets the rest of us and help us make this a place to be proud of for a change. Thank you all for your time and attention in this matter.