Marine Officer Essay

[NJPride23]

Hello everyone,

For my officer application, I am required to hand write a 100 word statement on why I want to be a Marine Officer. This is what I have so far:


As a proud American citizen, I want to first and foremost serve my country with honor and distinction. I also want to accept the challenge of leading the world’s finest fighting force, the United States Marine Corps. Throughout the years, the Marine Corps has distinguished itself, and it has earned the reputation of being the few and the proud. If the Marines are the few and the proud, then Marine Officers must be truly exceptional. I want to take on that challenge of leading Marines, and carry on that proud tradition of sacrifice that has been made from past Marines.

Any critique or any suggestions on how to improve it is greatly appreciated!

[Tennessee Top]

Second sentence. You will not be leading the world's finest fighting force. Our commandant does that. Nothing wrong with aspiring to be the commandant one day, but that's not the purpose of this essay. Everything else looks OK. Keep working on it. We do have a couple officers here. Hopefully, they'll take a look and offer an opinion.

Good luck.

[USMC 2571]

Good observation, Top----I'm going to PM those two officers now in case they don't see this thread.

Done---PMd The Skipper and djj34. Any input they may have will be tremendously helpful to the OP

[The Skipper]

Looks good to me. I've read dozens of these as an admin on a different (now semi-dead) site. The general trend the board needs to hear from you is that you're committed to leading as a Marine. Essays that focus on service are all well and good, but the board will question why you don't enlist. Essays that focus just on leading and not on the Marines are viewed as self-interested, or could apply to any branch of the military. Find and refine that balance (which you seem to have) that results in an essay focusing on why you want to lead Marines.

[crazymjb]

I think you could get more substance into those 100 words. Find a way to highlight some of your strengths and accomplishments (without coming off as arrognt) and apply them to the challenge of leading Marines.

What you have is basically "The Marines are awesome, I want to lead Marines." That's great, and you can work that in, but this tells me nothing about you, or why I should select you.

Mike

[fl1946]

Justin -- Mike, "crazmjb" hit the target right in the black, i.e., I concur that his advice is right on if you highlight your strengths and accomplishments. 100 words is pretty limited; I suggest citing one or at max two accomplishments and let them be centerpieces of your essay. Good luck and best wishes to your term in the Corps!

RVN 67. USMC Combat Correspondent

[NJPride23]

Thank you everyone for your input. The advice is greatly appreciated!

[Tennessee Top]

Will we see your updated draft?