Balancing Act

[StillThinking]

I'm looking for advice on how to balance a relationship with the Marines. The girl I'm dating now isn't exactly thrilled I'm joining because she's seen some loved ones seriously messed up from being in the military and doesn't want to go through the pain of seeing that again. I'm planning on joining for intel as an analyst which I imagine means I'll spend a lot of time sitting in a room reading and writing reports, but she's still not sold. I'm not even a Marine yet and they've also already had a knack for cutting into our lives, such as how we were going to go on a weekend getaway this Friday but my recruiter called me the other day and said I have to DEP in Friday or I'm not getting in (I had to get a BUMED waiver and he said now that it's approved it's only good for a few days). Now instead of meeting her when she gets back here on Thursday night I'll be seeing her when I get back Friday night and our trip had to be awkwardly pushed back, and I get the feeling this situation is pushing her back too.

I've wanted to be a Marine since 6th grade (I'm an incoming college senior now) and that hasn't changed, but over the years I've dated a number of girls with a variety of pasts and personalities but I've never met a girl like her before. She's wife material through and through and so long story short I want to do everything possible to see that dream realized too. Any tips on how I can pull that off and/or anything I can say/do to help calm her down and not worry about a hypothetical situation where I get physically and/or screwed up? Thanks in advance for any words of wisdom.

[USMC 2571]

I can see how you feel and understand it. You probably won't like this advice, but you have to do what YOU have your heart set on doing. If your future wife stands by you in that, then she is indeed, as you said, "wife material" (for you, that is)----and if she refuses to stand by you when you have wanted to be a Marine since the 6th grade, then she is still wife material, but not for you.

There is no easy solution to this. Just hard realities. Choices. For you and for her.

[USMC 2571]

And, these things don't lend themselves to "balancing", in my humble opinion. They either are, or are not, happening the way you need them to happen. I don't see compromises or balancing acts in any of these kinds of scenarios at all. Just plain hard reality, that could go either way. You will probably not find some nice comfortable compromise or understanding where all works out exactly the way it does in a movie or in someone's wishes----not these types of things, anyway---but again, my opinion is strictly e pluribus unum, like it says on the coins, "of many, one"; let's see what others have to say-----and also by the way, who else but you would be qualified to even answer the question you posed???? None of us. Just you.

[Tennessee Top]

This is a simple one.

The Marine Corps is a VERY jealous lover and expects to come first in every situation. You can decide who comes after that (yourself, your parents/family, your girlfriend/fiance/spouse, etc). Your GF does not sound to me like she can compete with the Marine Corps, nor accept being #3 or #4 on the list.

Both you, and she, must come to grips with (and accept) that reality. If "cutting into your lives" is already an issue - and you haven't even earned the title yet, this gun club is not the place for you. You're apparently having a difficult time having to miss a date. How are you going to deal with 13 weeks of bootcamp, 29 days of MCT, 8 weeks of MOS school, missing birthdays, holidays, funerals, weddings, graduations, while being deployed for months at a time (yes, intel analysts deploy along with everyone else).

My advice. Finish college. Find a nice, comfortable civilian career, where employers do not have a knack of cutting into your personal life. You'll be much happier, believe me.

Good luck.