Doc Crow
12-30-03, 01:11 PM
Today, Mattel announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Oklahoma City area market
Nichols Hills BARBIE: This princess Barbie is only sold at Nichols Hills Village. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house.Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
23rd & Lincoln BARBIE: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop.Then we don't know what you're talking about.
Edmond BARBIE: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hum 2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway.
Southside OKC BARBIE: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, NASCAR shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has big hair, a six pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 6 feet and can kick Mullet-haired Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get its Confederate flag bumper stickers absolutely free.
Norman BARBIE: This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard-print beach outfit from Stein Mart and drinks cosmopolitans while she entertains friends beside the pool. Percocet prescription available.
Ski Island/Northside OKC BARBIE: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Honda Pilot SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
Paseo district BARBIE: This doll is made of actual tofu, has long stringy hair and arch-less feet, sandals, white socks, no makeup and a mutt. She prefers that you call her "Willow". For a limited time only, she comes with her own Whole Foods marked discount card.
Harrah/Newalla BARBIE: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her beer-gutted boyfriend out of the house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored thongs that stick out the back and a white see-through halter top. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi and an old Chevrolet Beretta.
And Bosworth had this to say about how former UT quarterback Chris Simms would have fared against Bosworth's Sooners: "If he played against our defense, he'd be soiling his britches, yellin' and screamin' for his daddy."
Nichols Hills BARBIE: This princess Barbie is only sold at Nichols Hills Village. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house.Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
23rd & Lincoln BARBIE: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop.Then we don't know what you're talking about.
Edmond BARBIE: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hum 2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway.
Southside OKC BARBIE: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, NASCAR shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has big hair, a six pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 6 feet and can kick Mullet-haired Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get its Confederate flag bumper stickers absolutely free.
Norman BARBIE: This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard-print beach outfit from Stein Mart and drinks cosmopolitans while she entertains friends beside the pool. Percocet prescription available.
Ski Island/Northside OKC BARBIE: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Honda Pilot SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
Paseo district BARBIE: This doll is made of actual tofu, has long stringy hair and arch-less feet, sandals, white socks, no makeup and a mutt. She prefers that you call her "Willow". For a limited time only, she comes with her own Whole Foods marked discount card.
Harrah/Newalla BARBIE: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her beer-gutted boyfriend out of the house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored thongs that stick out the back and a white see-through halter top. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi and an old Chevrolet Beretta.
And Bosworth had this to say about how former UT quarterback Chris Simms would have fared against Bosworth's Sooners: "If he played against our defense, he'd be soiling his britches, yellin' and screamin' for his daddy."