Marriage, Girlfriends, and the Corps [Archive] - Marine Corps

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morri896

10-15-12, 01:45 PM

I'm currently trying to get my 15 College credits so I can join the Corps (I have a GED). I am very serious about it and I know this is what I want. Except for one snag. I'm also ready to take that next step with my girlfriend. This has been very heavy on my mind lately. I know that in the Corps there is a high divorce rate, especially within the first year. I'm seriously concerned that if I do join that it will be the end of our relationship. I have heard of people making it work, my grandparents did it during Korea. But my grandmother was a stay at home mom, and thus free to move around with him when he was restationed. My girlfriend is trying to get into college herself, and to have a career. Definately not a problem, except that if I have to move she most likely will not be able to move with me. I have talked with her several times about it, and she says she would be able to handle it. But I don't see how either one of us could possibly know that. I don't want to enlist and then see our relationship falling apart, when I can't do anything about it. I would like to hear from Marines and especially Marine Wives about their experiences, and how they delt with it. I wanna know what we're getting into before I sign those papers. Much appreciated in advance, I know that must be a tall order to fill.

Lisa 23

10-15-12, 03:08 PM

Thread closed until you have a complete profile besides a first and last name......site rules, which can be found in the poolee and Ask A Marine forums. When profile is complete, PM any Squad Leader from the Squad Leaders sticky in the Ask A Marine forum and thread will be re-opened.

Lisa 23

10-15-12, 04:02 PM

Profile complete.....thread re-opened.

Lisa 23

10-15-12, 04:18 PM

Young man, you are 21 years old. If you want to join the Marine Corps, then do it.

"My girlfriend is trying to get into college herself, and to have a career."
What about YOUR career?
In my opinion, don't put off your career for someone else's; then wind up kicking yourself in the arse and being resentful towards her for not going through with joining the Marine Corps.
By time you are done with your enlistment, she can be done with college....and then you both can decide what the future holds for the both of you.

Good luck!

Kegler300

10-15-12, 04:39 PM

My suggestion is to put off the marriage if you plan to enlist in the short term.

chulaivet1966

10-16-12, 07:54 AM

My suggestion is to put off the marriage if you plan to enlist in the short term.

That's my take on it.
Don't get married yet.
You say she's on a 'career path' too and that's how I'd recommend you look at trying to become a Marine....a temporary 'career path'.
Concentrate on the plethora of challenges ahead earning the EGA.

Good luck....

chulaivet1966

10-16-12, 08:06 AM

morri896

10-16-12, 10:40 AM

Missed my editing window...

Also...it seems from your post you are quite (more) concerned about the duration/success of your relationship so good judgment is paramount at this juncture.

Carry on....

Yeah, I really want to be a Marine, but if I had to choose...I just want to know what it would be like on her part if I did join. During my first enlistment she would be busy with college anyways so that would help with that. But afterwards if I decided to re-enlist and stick with it as a permanent career.

josephd

10-16-12, 02:47 PM

morri896

10-16-12, 04:14 PM

brutal honesty....

If you want to be a Marine then I would break up with her. While you're doing your job, getting nasty in the field, getting the big green weenie she will be busy giving brain to to every guy on her college campus and getting plowed by the football team.

That's crossed my mind of course, but that is beyond the scope of my question. I'm stuck with my own judgement on that one.

fl1946

10-16-12, 10:36 PM

All the previous posts offer very good advice which I'd strongly recommend reading a few more times...to let it sink into the grey matter, so to speak.

I can imagine how your girlfriend is going to feel being married to a lance corporal who's pushed to work 15-18 hrs a day, or go off on a WesPac for nine months. Your date night is going to an afternoon matinee and dinner at Denny's because that's all you can afford!

And she has a college degree to give up her career for you? Com'on, admission to Disneyland has gone up. Get real.

josephd

10-16-12, 11:58 PM

Com'on, admission to Disneyland has gone up. Get real.

bwahahahahaha....I nearly spit Gatorade all over my key board and monitor

ameriken

10-17-12, 01:08 AM

I don't want to enlist and then see our relationship falling apart, when I can't do anything about it.

Great advice in this thread.

If you enlist and the relationship falls apart, then it was a weak relationship to begin with. And don't think marriage will solve that problem, marriage doesn't necessarily make a relationship any stronger, just 'legaler' and far more difficult, expensive, and time consuming to break up.

Wouldn't it be great to find that out BEFORE you got married and had to deal with all the legal crap? If you want to join the Corps, join the Corps. Save marriage till you get out or decide you will make it a career.

BTW, break ups with GF's are so common, they make jokes out of them:

A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted the picture of herself back.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothing and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."

Tennessee Top

10-18-12, 12:37 PM

There is an old saying in our Corps that goes "if the Commandant wanted you to have a wife, they would've issued you one". Harsh but true. The USMC is a very jealous lover and expects to always come first (over spouses, families, relationships, etc.). Your GF may "think" she understands how it will feel to always be your second priority but she is in for a rude awakening. Many spouses naturally expect you to make them your #1 priority but you will quickly learn that cannot be if you want to have a successful career. My marriage lasted fours years (till my very first deployment) and I never went down that road again. My ex had a tough time with the Corps always coming first and decided to jump ship with a civilian.

As a senior Staff NCO, I counselled many young junior Marines about getting married and would always try to get the other party involved in the conversations as well (just like my SNCO's did before I tied the knot). It was my experience, they were going to do what they were going to do regardless of anything I had to say to them. I suspect, you will too. For what it's worth, I say hold off on the marriage; if you two are meant to be together it will all work out eventually anyway. You can still maintain your relationship it just won't be as husband and wife. Your life as a junior Marine will be challenging enough as it is so no reason to just complicate things even more than neccessary.

Good luck.

devilbones2

10-23-12, 07:22 AM

I can tell you that everyone that I know that was married when I came in is divorced except for me. When you are a junior enlisted guy you dont really get the opportunity to be home much. You will be leaving early and coming home late, not to mention the deployments, workups and training when you will not be home.
Your girlfriend or wife will be moving to a new area and most likely not get a job right away. She will be home all alone and missing you, home and her family. If its meant to be than a little time will do no harm. Just wait and once you become a Marine then you can decide whether or not marriage is best for the both of you.