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10-03-10, 11:48 PM #16
Originally Posted by BassPro0007
Is that what that was?
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10-04-10, 02:19 PM #17
Quotes
Do not touch anything unnecessarily. Beware of pretty girls in dance halls and parks who may be spies, as well as bicycles, revolvers, uniforms, arms, dead horses, and men lying on roads -- they are not there accidentally.
-Soviet infantry manual, issued in the 1930's
One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine, is that the Americans do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any obligation to follow their doctrine...
- From a Soviet Junior Lt's Notebook
"The best tank terrain is that without anti-tank weapons."
-Russian military doctrine.
...At a prewar diplomatic conference, the Nazi Foreign Minister Ribbentrop "sniffed" to Eden and Churchill that if there was another war, the Italians would be on Germany's side!
-To which Churchill supposedly replied: "that seems only fair, we had them last time!"...
"The reason the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices it on a daily basis."
- from a post-war debriefing of a German General
Pearl Harbour Radio Operator: "Is there anything that we can provide?"
Response from Marine Commander on Wake Island: "Send us more Japs!"
.... Said to be one of the last radio transmissions received from the Marines on Wake Island before it fell to the Japanese, 1941.
In 1836, the Creek and Seminole Indian tribes in Georgia and Florida were waging war against the United States. The U. S. Army had its hands full. The Fifth Commandant of the Marine Corps offered the services of a regiment of Marines for duty with the Army. Henderson placed himself in command and, taking virtually the entire available strength of the Corps, left for the extended campaign after tacking a terse message on his office door which read:
"Have gone to Florida to fight Indians.
Will be back when War is over.
A. Henderson
Col. Commandant"
The best armor is staying out of gun-shot.
-Italian proverb
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10-04-10, 02:31 PM #18Rules of dating a Drill Instructors daughter
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
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10-04-10, 02:37 PM #19Yes, thank you. I am computer illiterate. Originally Posted by RBrouse
Is that what that was?
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10-05-10, 12:44 PM #20
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10-05-10, 12:53 PM #21Oh, so that's Bob. Originally Posted by Zumbii
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10-05-10, 01:19 PM #22
Ways to annoy your Roommate at MCT or ITB
1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at work.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
7. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
8. Speak in tongues.
9. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
10. Walk and talk backwards.
11. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
12. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
13. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man," Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.
14. Collect all your urine in a small jug.
15. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
16. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
17. Ask your roommate if your girfriend/boyfriend can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
28. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.
19. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
20. Eat glass.
21. Smoke ballpoint pens.
22. Smile. All the time.
23. Collect dog crap in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
24. Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.
25. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
26. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.
27. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
28. Dye all your underwear lime green.
29. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
30. Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet. 31. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's locker. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
32. Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
33. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
34. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
35. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
36. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.
37. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching violently.
38. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
39. Always flush the toilet three times.
40. Give him/her an allowance.
41. Listen to radio static.
42. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
43. Speak into a walkie-talkie in trucker's terms.
44. Divide the floor into an 8 X 8 grid. Arrange piles of laundry, books, pizza boxes, etc. on the glid and tell your roommate that youUve turned the room into a chess game and not to move any of the piles.
45. Cover one of the walls with polaroids of fire hydrants from all over the city. Tell your roommate that you think that you were a dog in a former life. Stare lovingly at the photos, and make frequent trips to the bathroom.
46. Get a small, battery-operated clock which ticks very loudly. Put it in a briefcase and put the briefcase next to your roommate's bed.
47. Expound upon the importance of good personal hygiene. Wear rubber gloves and a surgical mask in the room.
48. Eat an entire bag of cheese curls at once. When you are finished, see how many times you can make orange fingerprints from all of the cheese junk left on your fingers.
49. Come home from work with a bucket of plaster of paris. Paint a section of the ceiling with it, and plaster your roommate's underwear to the stuff. When your roommate comes in and comments, tell him/her, "Sorry, I was doing your laundry, and I sneezed."
50. Wear the most obnoxious orange hat that you can find. Convince you roommate and everybody else that if they do not wear an orange hat, they will be hit by stray bullets.
51. Point west at 3 AM every night and yell, "It came from that way!"
52. Walk around in circles all the time. Complain that your turn signal is stuck. 53. Whenever your roommate is out, turn the volume on his stereo ALL THE WAY UP. When he turns on his stereo, complain hysterically about the noise and his lack of courtesy.
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10-05-10, 04:38 PM #23
http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chi...-member-calvin
this video is for scar sniper
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10-06-10, 10:21 AM #24lmao. Hahahaha. F*CKING outstanding! hahaha! I cracked up the whole time! Originally Posted by Zumbii
PS. Cobra sounds a lot like Frieza from DBZ.
And my Gunnery Sergeant would LOVE this because he's always calling accident prone!
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10-06-10, 10:22 AM #25
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10-06-10, 12:42 PM #26I don't get it ?! Originally Posted by Zumbii
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10-06-10, 01:11 PM #27 Originally Posted by Zumbii
Dude. This **** is awesome. Like the 12th time I've watched this ****. lmao
I think I'm gonna change my signature to, "It was always fumble." After I graduate though.
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10-06-10, 01:33 PM #28Epic win. Originally Posted by ScarSniper
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10-07-10, 05:37 PM #29best ever. If anyone watches Equals Three by raywilliamjohnson its even better Originally Posted by ScarSniper
I'll probably catch hell for this. lol
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10-07-10, 07:27 PM #30
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Ghost Of Iwo Jima
04-04-24, 11:35 PM in Open Squad Bay