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Thread: Heartbroken

  1. #1

    Unhappy Heartbroken

    I'm asking anyone who is experiencing marriage problems, i.e. tryin' to understand the "CHANGE OF LIFE" in a woman, to please respond to me, either in the forum or my e-mail in my profile.
    I'm very despondent, unsure, can't get any responses from my wife, and we are constantly, well I, am constantly threatening to leave, because I'm so damn lonely, heartbroken, can't figure all of this out. She doesn't want to do anything. Except fumble with flowers. We recently moved. I have tried and tried to get her to allow me to put things away, or at least get the room(s) cleared out of boxes. No can do. I make or try to be social with neighbor's, and will help anyone in distress, a very big characteristic of having PTSD. She's been thru pure hell with me since she was 18 and I 17....I think the only reason we haven't split is because our faith, Catholic, don't allow divorces, and you are an outcast in the Church if you do divorce. We've grown apart. I wrote this little deal this morning after I got fed up with her not responding to me. She also has a trait from her Mother witnessed by me with her sister, that after a certain age time whatever, the women, two of her family start to hate men. And she doesn't want to socialize, or make friends, or see old friends, and we moved from Texas 18yrs there, had a beautiful place, that I worked my ass off on, clearing the land by hand, and she just decided one day to call me and asked if I'd like to move? I responded, where? Home. I thought for a minute. I left this State twice. I hate this state of Ill. I loved my place in TX. And she gave up all I had done as if it meant nothing. It's too hot. I don't like my job. I want to move, but to a place where I know somebody, not to anywhere I don't. Yet, with that said, she doesn't want to meet anybody, and doesn't have anything to do with her family on a regular basis, except her Sister who is a very Rich *****, and is a bad influence on her. I haven't been the easiet person to get along with. But, I think the following explains how I feel.

    "Why have we grown apart
    Is it because you and I want a new start
    Life with me has been unkind to you
    But you won't tell or say anything, so what am I suppose to do

    I'm sorry I didn't give you your life choices when we were young
    Why can't we get past this, let it be gone
    You want me to accept responsibility
    And you've told me you I guess blame me

    A vicious circle has been emplaced
    Heartaches, hateful words, threats somehow takes place
    Never would I have ever dreamed our lives would turn out like this
    And the lonliness and deep hurt I can't hide it

    Each day that passes I'm filled with total unresolve
    O My Dear God and Lord how long can I hang on
    Give the strength and courage I've needed for so long
    I would gladly do anything to right any wrongs

    Yesterday, today, I fight the emptiness
    When once I had some happiness
    No one can or will ever be able to understand
    Why or who I was and now who I am."

    Please help me?

    If anyone out there in this cyber world can give me advice, and understands what it's like to have PTSD, be crippled from it, and don't know from one minute to the next, what will happen, and how bitterly at times I awake, when I prayed I wouldn't, as I can't hardly stand to face each day. It becomes harder and harder as I get older (55), to try and find something to do, that will keep my mind body occupied. Does anyone understand? I'd gladly trade anyones place who has a job and a life filled with real things, instead of this unrelenting withdrawal, lonliness, deep hurt I have inside, and feel guilty because "Why can't I work?" "Why do other's claim they have PTSD and can go on? I can't.
    I thank you all. This place makes me the most comfortable of all. Semper Fi.

  2. #2
    Registered User Free Member travissoleski's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Riverside, California

    Red face

    No **** someone who knows how I feel!
    Yes I know how you feel, I had it and did not even know it. Last year I wanted to end it all, and for some reason I didn't do it. I almost lost my family. My live had so many changes since I got out in 99 (88-99) (Persian Gulf Vet). I had a son, we moved back to CA, I went to school for physical therapy, I liveed in a place that sucked, my mom kicked me out of the family and blamed me for everything, (yes my childhood sucked and it bothered me) (although I had good grandparents thank God). But it all came out just recently. I ran up the credit cards, became a work-ahaloic (3 jobs) had the most money made but had nothing to show for it. Lived in a two bedroom apartment with two children and my wife. My mother sold all my USMC stuff, I though it was safe and she lied so much to me that I thought I was American Indian for many years that I had enough guts to call my real father ( who I never seen). I asked him if I was and he said no. I even have a f**kin indian tatoo on my arm. Man was I ****ed off and angry at the world. The perople at work didn't understand me I would only confide in people that were in or affiliated with the military.
    Now I work at the VA in my present profession, soon to move out of my in-laws home (which has been welcomed but at the same time a very ****ty experience, I finally replaced my truck in which my mom and sister took my original K5 Chevy). So yes I know what you are going through, and sometimes just talking to some one is the best medicine. Why do I work for less at the VA, because I would end up in jail again for killing someone (I wasn't in jail for homicide) (DUI and blowing stuff up, obviously that is bad). So if you want to talk call me at 909-688-9308. This isn't the whole story but if I were to write it all out I'd put myself to sleep. What you may want to look into is finding catholoic or christian therapist to help you this is only a start. YOU MUST BE HONEST WITH HIM (yes look for a male therapist only) DEVULGE EVERYTHING.
    Take care
    Semper Fi
    Travis S. Soleski

  3. #3
    Thank You Travis. I will keep your number. I do have a Vet Center therapist. But he tends to go with my Wife as being a victim. ****, how about me? I thought I was doin' good, then, now I'm the A***H***le and she's the hurt one, as per my counselor. This S*** plains sucks. But I know I have someone who might just listen to me.....Do you have a regular E-mail? Or maybe you're in the process? I hope you can maintain, and keep on truckin', and again, Thanks so much. You don't know what it means to me to have someone who cares enuf to say something. Many don't want to get involved, with PTSD issues, family issues, etc. God Bless, and Semper Fi....Your advice well taken. THE EAGLE HAS SPOKEN.

  4. #4
    BOTH of you need to get some professional help.

    I would recommend some individual counseling as well as couple counseling. There may be some medication that could help your wife through this.

    Your state should have a professional psychological association that can recommend a professional in your area. Or, your county should offer some services for free if your menas do not allow for private counseling.

    Get help now.

  5. #5

    Big "E"

    I can't speak of your ills but can only relate to some of it. PTSD comes in many shapes, sizes and colors. Don't get me wrong, I am no MD, PHD or otherwise.

    We are all here for you. Stick around long enough and others will share and maybe you can find comfort and possibly healing in a way that can maybe help and assist in turning your troubles around without putting BLAME on you.

    I see you have connections with the VA but we also have a VA expert here. Her nic is CAS3.

    We have WWII, Vietnam, Gulf I and II Veterans here. Hang with us Brother. It could only help.

    Sempers Marine.

  6. #6
    Registered User Free Member travissoleski's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Riverside, California


    To Big Eagle 6:
    Hey I'll be here for you, yes my email is ( travissoleski@yahoo.com) write it anytime. As far as medication goes take it and report weekly to your MD or Psychologist the effects both good and bad. Needless to say some people it will effect adversly physically or psychologically. Sometimes medicine is full of S**t. Don't take any of this lightly. Something that worked for me was to take my mind off the bull**** was to do some PT, yep that is right physical training, it will relieve your mind and help you physically. When I got out I didn't do crap for three years. Now that I run again and workout I feel as though I have my life on track. Don't get me wrong it is a combination of several entities but the PT does help alot. Unfortunatly in the USMC alot of people look upon to PT as a punishment. Having been in Bn Recon and Force Recon Co. I at one time looked upon at PT as punishment, then one day a Corporal said to me that the USMC is paying you to build your body to be stronger than the ones who thrash you, (when I was a boot) or (rope). After that interjection PT was no longer a problem, merely a psychological obstical. All obsticals can be overcome, as well as people, some people make problems worse. We all know you can't go around shooting people (if it was only the 1800's) legally. Write me and let me know what you think.
    God Bless
    Semper Fi

  7. #7
    Travis? I am not capable of PT right now due to some other ailments, Dr.'s have said are from exposure to the Orange. I used to walk 36 holes of golf a day. Yes I know the endorphines really go to work for you when you exercise. I was a Drill Instructor for 2yrs., and was in the greatest shape ever. Have went to two Sheriff's academy's, where PT, baton training, hand to hand arrest techniques were taught. I was considered an ol' timer at 30 then. But I could outrun, any of the young T.O.'s. I make a concerted effort to at least walk to the post office and back each day, at least rd trip 1/2 mile. It does clear my head. I'm an artist and writer. I'm working on a book, the 100drethmillion start over's, and currently workin' on a painting, with four more to go, for people. So I do keep my mind occupied. I know from watchin' my mother who has alz's, how she keeps her mind working which in turn sends the right endorph...to the body, and it works. God Bless ya. Semper Fi Always. THE EAGLE HAS SPOKEN.

  8. #8
    BigEagle6 If it is bad as you say leave as soon as you can. I wasted 31 years of my life trying to please my wife. We moved 7 times in 10 years and she was never happy no mattter where we lived or how much money I earned. In July of 95 she told me to pack my s*** and leave. I was depressed for a while. Then I got my head and a** wired together and started thinking like a Marine again. In Aug of 2001 I retired from my job and moved to N.C. I now work at the convience store at Camp Lejune 5 days a week in Sept 2006 I am going out on social security. I own a 2 bedroom trailer my van is paid for I fish in the ocean when ever I feel like it go to the races on sat. night and Have never been happier in my entire life. Signed devildog21345

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