First Epistle to the Marines.
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    Phantom Blooper
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    First Epistle to the Marines.

    First Epistle to the Marines.

    1. Lo, all ye miserable sinners,
    Entering through the Gate of Recruitment
    Into the land of Green,
    Hearken unto my words,
    For I have dwelt in this land for many months,
    And mine eyes have witnessed all manner of folly and woe.

    2. Verily Have I tasted,
    Of the bitter Fruit of TS
    And drained the dregs of the Cup of SBAFU.

    3. Gird up thy loins, my son,
    And take up the forest green,
    But act slowly and with exceeding care,
    And hearken first to the counsel,
    Of a wiser and sadder man than thou.

    4. Beware thou the Sergeant who is called First,
    He hath a pleased and foolish look,
    But he concealeth a serpent in his heart.

    5. Avoid him when he speaketh low
    And his lips smileth.
    He smileth not for thee;
    His heart rejoiceth at the sight,
    Of thy youth and thine ignorance.

    6. He will smile and smile,
    And work all manner of evil against thee.
    A wise man shuns the orderly room,
    But the fool shall dwell in the kitchen forever.

    7. Unto all things there is a time:
    There is a time to speak and a time to be silent;
    Be thou like unto stone in the presence of thy superiors,
    and keep thy tongue when they shall call for volunteers.

    8. The wise man searcheth out the easy details,
    but only a fool sticketh out his neck.

    9. Look thou with disfavor upon the newly made corporal:
    He prizeth much his stripes and is proud and foolish;
    He laugheth and joketh much with the older noncoms,
    And looketh upon the private with a frown.

    10. He would fain go to OCS, but he is not qualified.

    11. Know ye that the Sergeant of the Mess,
    Is a man of many moods:
    When he looketh pleased and his words is like honey,
    The wise messman seeketh him out and praiseth his chow,
    And laugheth much at his jests.

    12. But when he moveth with great haste,
    And the sweat standeth out on his brow,
    And he curseth under his breath make thyself scarce,
    For he will fall like a whirlwind upon the idle,
    And the goldbrick shall know his wrath.

    13. The Supply Sergeant is a lazy man,
    And worketh not;
    But he is the keeper of many good things;
    If thou wouldst wear well-fitting raiment,
    And avoid the statement of charges, make him thy friend.

    14. He prizeth drunkenness above all things.

    15. He careth not for praise or flattery,
    But lend him thy lucre and thy liquor,
    And he will love thee.

    16. Hell hath no fury like a Shavetail scorned.
    He walketh with a swagger,
    And regardeth the enlisted man with a raised eyebrow,
    He looketh upon his bars with exceeding pleasure,
    And loveth a salute mightily.

    17. Act thy lowly unto him and he will love thee.

    18. Damned be he who standeth first in the line of chow,
    And shortstoppeth the dessert and clutcheth the coffee.

    19. He taketh from the meat dishes,
    With a heavy hand,
    and leaveth the lousy parts.

    20. He is thrice cursed and all people,
    Yea even unto the PFC shall spit upon him,
    For his name is called Chow Hound,
    And he is an abomination.

    21. Know thou the Big Operator,
    But trust him not,
    And he worketh always upon a deal,
    And he speaketh confidentially.

    22. He knoweth many women,
    And goeth into town every night,
    He borroweth all thy money,
    yea, even unto thy ration check.

    23. He promiseth to fix thee up, but doeth it not.

    24. Beware thou the Old Man,
    For he will make thee sweat,
    When he approacheth,
    Look thou on the ball,
    He loveth to chew upon thy posterior.

    25. Keep thou out of his sight,
    and let him not know thee by name.;
    For he who arouseth the wrath of the Old Man,
    Shall go many times unto the Chaplain.

    Semper Fi

  2. #2
    First Epistle

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