Books Screws Up Drill. Hilarity Ensues. (And More)
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  1. #1
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    Post Books Screws Up Drill. Hilarity Ensues. (And More)

    The Pool Function

    So I had an awesome pool function this last Saturday. When we were drilling around the park, my SSgt. taught me how to be the guide, and I became the guide for the formation and I didn't mess up. I was very proud. Usually the guide is some gung-ho poolee who is out on his last pool function before shipping.

    After some rigorous PT, we went back in formation for more drilling but someone else was assigned guide. When he messed up he was "fired" and replaced, and so was the new guide. I kind of let my performance get to my head... So I was daydreaming about boot camp, following the SSgt.'s (not my SSgt.) commands with an absent mind. Big mistake. The way he was calling it was like:

    SSgt: "RIGHT-"
    Pool: "-TO-THE-RIGHT-"
    SSgt: "-FACE"

    And when we executed the command, we had to shout "COCK, DRIVE" as we pivoted.

    Anyway, I screwed up, royally. Instead of yelling "COCK, DRIVE" I yelled "COCK, FACE".

    Immediately, the observing SSgt.'s, Sgt.'s, and some junior enlisted started laughing hysterically and ripping on my own SSgt. I felt bad for embarrassing him. I didn't really have much time for that, because, immediately, the SSgt. giving the orders marched over to me yelling about insulting him and calling him a "Cock Face". Before I knew it, I was pushing grass. It was really, really humiliating. It's a good thing that it was just a pool function and the Marines had a sense of humor.

    Anyway, while I'm all flustered out on the grass, this other poolee, without telling the Marines, wanders off. And the Marines had no idea he left. I have no idea how this happened. Apparently, this young man came to the pool function DRUNK. Really Drunk. And he needed to throw up, so he wandered into the thickets at the edge of the field, but then we never saw him again. None of us (the poolees) were aware since we were busy drilling.

    Finally, one of the other SSgt.'s interrupts us to tell us the situation. We are all kind of dumbfounded, but as well look around, we see a handful of Marines already out on SAR all around the park (it is a really massive park). So this SSgt. says that finding him is our new priority, and he starts suggesting that a few poolees "walk around the pool complex to look for him", and before he even finishes, I dart off, sprinting to the buildings and pool area. I had remembered that the SSgt. said that the most impressive recruits are ones that do everything with "speed, volume and intensity", and I wanted to redeem myself for the now infamous Cock-Face incident. Right after I darted I heard some Marine say "Now that's what I'm talking about!" Some other poolees followed my example and broke rank to catch up with me.

    So in not the most desirable circumstances, I actually managed to impress the Marines who thought I must have an IQ somewhere above functionally-retarded.

    To make a long story not so long, the missing poolee was found. By the police. He was issued a summons to court for falling asleep on a park bench drunk.* My recruiters are furious with him. I really would not want to be that guy.

    Anyway, my RSS's SSgt.'s were happy with me. Even marred by the Cock-Face incident, my performance was otherwise superb, between the masterful guiding of the formation to the energetic search for the missing poolee. I'm not in great physical shape, either, so pool functions are usually a bit intimidating, though not this one in particular. I do like them, even when I am lagging in the pack on a run, because I really like the other poolees it's always a very moto day.

    *This is what Marines call the "10%". Do not be this guy. Ever. This really killed the Marines' otherwise good mood.

    Also, I'm afraid the Cock Face thing is going to be with me until I ship. I went into the office today and a SSgt. greeted me as "Poolee Cock Face". Really. I am the infamous Poolee Cock Face of RSS Westchester.

    And More

    So, I discovered an annoying little irony about being a poolee with a high ASVAB score in a town who sends 99% of their students to college each year.

    In my school, all the college-bound juniors load up on extra curriculars and community service activities to put on their college applications. It's extremely competative. I did not do anything. I refused to allow myself to be sucked into this phony sanctimonious brown-nosing of academia. I watched my dumbass friends suffer under the stress of working two, three, or four different volunteer jobs while balancing massive research projects and the SAT's. It worked out well for me because I was not going to college, and so I did not have to do that kind of stuff (the extra work, I took the SAT's).

    I was wrong. As a well-educated poolee, my RSS has put me to work tutoring applicants for the ASVAB. Luckily, I genuinely really like some of the people I am/will be helping, and I really hope they pass the test and make it, moreso than I feel about many poolees. Although I like doing this work, I am going to be honest and say that my main motivation is that I am going to get PFC out of doing this. So, it's fun to tell my college-bound friends and my teachers that I'm tutoring people from Yonkers and The Bronx, and it's NOT for college (this unbelievable to them), but I conveniently leave out the part about getting a promotion. Really, this bites me in the ass. I'm just as bad as my college-bound friends... I just don't let them know that.


  2. #2
    Marine Free Member PaidinBlood's Avatar
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    Thumbs up

    Nice story...cock face...





  3. #3
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    Poolee cock face. That is hysterical.

    This was definitely worth the read. Thanks Books, after 6 hours of school then 8 hours of work.. this gave me a good laugh.

    hahaha


  4. #4
    Wow, you really ****ed up now, Cock Face, because now, everyone HERE knows to call you Cock Face, Cock Face. Nice job, Cock Face!


  5. #5
    Marine Free Member jungholee90's Avatar
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    LOL. That's awesome... Cock Face! Just imagine that happening while you're in Boot Camp,


  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by BR34 View Post
    Wow, you really ****ed up now, Cock Face, because now, everyone HERE knows to call you Cock Face, Cock Face. Nice job, Cock Face!
    Fantastic.

    Now I know who to blame when I get a letter at boot with "TO RECRUIT COCK FACE" stamped on the front.


  7. #7
    Yea, you can blame EVERYONE here, and EVERYONE at your RSS. I bet you've posted your ship date on this site too, so we'll know your Company. Nice job Face, Cock.


  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by BR34 View Post
    Yea, you can blame EVERYONE here, and EVERYONE at your RSS. I bet you've posted your ship date on this site too, so we'll know your Company. Nice job Face, Cock.
    ... FML.


  9. #9
    What's that in 26 year old people Engrish?


  10. #10
    Poolee/DEP Free Member
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    I apologize. It's taken from the website "fmylife.com", which ends every short story with "FML." I think you can figure it out.


  11. #11

    Thumbs up

    lol, i will be sure to quote you on the "cockface"/story, sometime this week to my SSgt for a good laugh, if you dont mind haha!


  12. #12
    recruit cockface....oh yea...your getting a letter.with a chicken picture on the front of it.


  13. #13
    For your own good...do not tell anyone that story during boot camp

    EDIT: Cock face


  14. #14
    Let the games begin,lmfao.


  15. #15
    Can we get a Mod to change his handle on here to "Cock Face" instead of Books. After that incident, Books doesn't seem to fit him very well.


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