Posted on Sun, Feb. 22, 2009
Jardine: Counseling is a help and hurdle for Marine
By Jeff Jardine
jjardine@modbee.com

last updated: February 22, 2009 03:07:09 AM

It seems like a natural transition, mustering out of the military and going into police or prison work.

Terrence VanDoorn expected to go that route. But the horrors of the fierce fighting in Fallujah, Iraq, and the death of friend, fellow Marine and Modestan Michael Anderson Jr., continued to hang around, like cobwebs in his mind.

VanDoorn tried for a job with the Stanislaus County Sheriff's Department after leaving the Marines in 2005, passing the written and physical tests. But he failed the psychological exam and was told he has post-traumatic stress disorder.

At the time, he saw it as a good thing, because he knew he needed to get some help.

"I did experience some anger when I got back," he said. "So I thought I'd seek some counseling."

He got it, visiting counselors experienced in working with veterans. But now the counseling is coming back to affect him in a way he'd never considered.

He recently applied to become a state prison guard. The state's questionnaire, in essence, asked if he'd ever received psychological counseling. He answered honestly. The Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation then asked him to sign a waiver of confidentiality, giving it access to his counseling file. Many law enforcement agencies do this, one counselor told me.

The agency then rejected VanDoorn, even though, he said, his counselor proclaimed him fit for duty.

"Now I am at a Catch-22 because I sought help through the veterans counseling for a year and employers are having me waive confidentiality of my sessions before I move on," VanDoorn said. "Therefore, I am disqualified (because of) the veterans counseling I received, and (state officials) perceive me as a financial liability. ... It makes a veteran think, 'If I never tried to seek counseling, I would not be in this position.' "

Perhaps. But he knows that getting counseling was the right thing do to.

"People experience different things (at war)," he said. "Some have (PTSD) but don't seek to minimize the reactions. I wanted to. I wanted to change for my family."

After failing the sheriff's psychological testing, he spent a year or so working as a security guard and continuing with counseling.

In 2006, the Ceres Police Department sponsored his training at the Ray Simon Regional Criminal Justice Training Center.

Ceres likely wouldn't have considered him had he not followed up with counseling after the sheriff's department's evaluation, Police Chief Art de Werk said.

Instead, VanDoorn passed easily, graduating near the top of his class in March 2007.

"The evaluation process we put candidates through covers the totality of their psychological state," de Werk said. "We have a 1,300-question test bank, and what we screened for obviously look for anomalies in a person's ability to handle stress. If he had not sought counseling, maybe he wouldn't have been fit for duty."

VanDoorn came through strongly, so de Werk hired him.

"He had a clean bill of (mental) health," de Werk said. "His performance was impeccable."

Two months into the job, though, VanDoorn decided he didn't want to be a cop after all.

"I resigned after a couple of months," he said. "It was similar to what I'd done in Iraq, but it wasn't the same. I didn't want to do this to my family. I felt bad because Ceres did sponsor me through the academy. But I didn't want to serve the community when I knew I wasn't fully capable at the time. I decided to take a year or two off. I couldn't go back with Ceres. They didn't have another opening."

"Much to our chagrin," de Werk said. "I have lots of respect for him. I think in the long run he's going to succeed."

VanDoorn said he is at peace with himself now. He's just not a peace officer.

He wonders if leaving the Ceres police so soon might have caused the state to back away, more so than anything on the counselor's report.

"Having that on your record -- 'You served in the Marine Corps and left the police force after two months,' " he said. " 'What's up with that?' "

So what are his options? He can apply to become a probation officer. He's graduated from the police academy, so he can look for a job at a smaller agency than Ceres. Putting in several years of good work would make him valuable to a bigger agency.

Or he could return to the Marine Corps.

"That's pretty much what I'm fighting internally," VanDoorn said. He and wife Stephanie have a 5-year-old daughter, Azaliyah, and an 18-month-old son, Christopher. "My wife doesn't want me to go back. Pretty much for her sake, I'd consider that the least of my options."

A different kind of counseling, indeed, and the kind that won't show up on a state questionnaire.

Jeff Jardine's columns appear Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday in the Local Section. He can be reached at 578-2383 or at jjardine@modbee.com.

Ellie