Spinelli fulfills dream as a Marine
By Paula Vogler
Wed Dec 03, 2008, 05:10 PM EST

Easton -

While growing up watching war movies and reading books about World War II and Vietnam may have kindled a flame in former Marine Corporal Paul Spinelli’s mind about joining the military, it was the slogan, “The Few, the Proud, the Marines” that really lit the fire.

Spinelli ultimately served two tours of duty in Iraq after leaving with a military recruiter just two hours after graduation from Oliver Ames High School in 2003.

His four years as a Marine left him with memories of his fellow Marines, some of whom were killed in action, and also left Spinelli with another little talked about and stigmatized problem-post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD.

Spinelli had always wanted to be a paratrooper in the Army but because he joined the Marines he became a machine gunner instead.

“I really wanted to be a machine gunner,” Spinelli said. “I guess you’re young and you think ‘that thing shoots a lot of bullets.’”

Spinelli first arrived in Fallujah, Iraq, in March 2005. Broken air conditioners in Humvees did nothing against the 130-degree temperatures during the summer.

“I think you drink a lot of water without realizing it; that’s really all you can do,” Spinelli said.

Nights cooled off somewhat but not enough to turn down the air conditioners where the men lived.

“The air conditioning unit ran all the time,” Spinelli said. “It iced up and you had to knock off the ice.”

Spinelli’s seven-month deployment was spent mainly on protective security details for the commander of the First Battalion, Sixth Marine Regiment of which Spinelli was a part.

“If he had to go somewhere we would bring him and hang out wherever he was,” Spinelli said. “We were always driving Humvees, doing presence patrols and basically keeping the peace or at least trying to.”

That first deployment contrasted dramatically with Spinelli’s second deployment to Ramadi, which lasted from September 2006 until May 2007.

“My peers were going back to college and we were going back to Iraq,” Spinelli said. “I guess that’s the difference in lifestyles.”

Spinelli said he was supposed to return sooner than May but he was deployed during the surge of troops sent to quell rising violence in Iraq and his deployment was extended.

During his first deployment Spinelli said there were mortar attacks on his base but those were few and far between and even IEDs (improvised explosive devices) were small and for the most part harmless.

It was while on his second tour that he first was shot at and his machine gun jammed. The ambush was also kicked off with a new weapon of choice, a rocket propelled grenade or RPG.

“It was scary but exhilarating,” Spinelli said. “I think it’s an emotion exclusive to that action. It’s a feeling I think that is hard to describe.”

Spinelli said he noticed his military training kicked in even when he realized he could only shoot a rifle he had with him.

“There was no way to test for the weapons on the base,” Spinelli said. “I was handed the machine gun by the unit before us. I didn’t have to shoot it for three weeks so I never thought it wouldn’t work.”

His friend in the Humvee next to him had a malfunctioning radio so Spinelli said he just started screaming at him trying to be heard above the shooting and the loud hum of the vehicle’s air conditioner.

“My machine gun wouldn’t fire so he didn’t realize we were taking rounds,” Spinelli said. “We had to pull out.”

Spinelli said it was his second deployment that solidified his decision to leave the Marines at the end his four-year commitment.

He felt betrayed by superiors, one of whom told the Marines they would have to extend their commitment or risk being sent to Afghanistan. Spinelli said the men called his bluff and were never sent.

Others gave orders that Spinelli said could have been done differently that would perhaps have saved the lives of some of his friends such as not forcing the men to drive over suspected bombs.

“Nobody liked what they were doing, how they were treating us,” Spinelli said. “We questioned a lot of stuff we had to do over there. There’s just a sense of betrayal, not even that it seemed like that (betrayal), it was like that.”

Spinelli’s anger, sadness, and guilt at surviving when his friends did not continued to take hold of him even as he returned home in May 2007, took some college classes, and tried to hold a job and get on with life.

He spent almost a year stateside, still in the Marines, yet not seeking the help he knew he needed.

“You knew they’d think less of you if you did,” Spinelli said.

Spinelli said sometimes he would have nightmares but more often than not he would be clinically depressed to the point he would not even want to go out with friends.

“I had a lot of anger and unresolved issues,” Spinelli said. “Who gets the blame? Why did you lose those friends? Why wasn’t it you?”

Spinelli said it got to the point where he was so angry he was threatening those who meant the most to him, his family and friends.

“I got more upset and disappointed with myself for letting the anger out,” Spinelli said. “I thought, ‘wow, I need help.’”

After getting out of the Marines in May 2008 Spinelli joined a PTSD support group of Iraq war veterans at the Brockton Veterans Hospital and is also receiving individual therapy; he said he is at least 10 years younger than any of the other veterans in the group.

“Probably guys don’t get help because guys think it’s a sign of weakness but that’s the wrong thing to do,” Spinelli said. “You leave that stuff bottled up inside you and one day it might be too late.”

Spinelli said he is slowly making progress and does not regret his military service.

“I think it’s helping. I see hope; I’m definitely happier,” Spinelli said. “I still get angry and say things I don’t want to say and do things I don’t want to do. I’m very thankful to have my family that’s very understanding of (it). PTSD is still something I’m struggling with; it’s a long process.”

Paula Vogler can be reached at 508-967-3510 or by email at writedesk84@comcast.net.

Ellie