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06-22-08, 10:43 PM #1
Alright Marines, so what do I do?
Im going to ask for advice. My NCOs as well as hers already know the situation, as does my SNOIC and her plt sgt, but that's as far as its really up the chain, with one exception. Let me explain.
I'm engaged, to a female Marine. Been with her for a while now (length of time is not important)
We originally had hoped to both get sent overseas together, both of us to oki. She got orders to Oki, and I got orders to.....Hawaii.
Now, before either of us had orders anywhere, I got her pregnant. So its not like oh ****, we're going to different places, lets get you pregnant. Also, we got engaged BEFORE she got pregnant, so its not like i want to be with her because of the kid either.
Anyways, she's in okinawa, pregnant. That's all that anyone above her direct shop level COC knows, they don't know that I'm in Hawaii or that she wants to change duty stations. Her chain of command has pretty much said, you can't get out of the Corps, and you have to stay in Oki. They're losing too many females to reassigning them stateside due to pregnancy.
And obviously, I cant get re-assigned to okinawa, especially since we're not married. Fiancee in the Marine Corps might as well mean **** buddy.
Whats can either of us do? Am I really expected to wait until my own child is 14 months old before ever being able to live with him? I understand, its the Marine Corps and I signed the contract and I didnt get issued a kid or a wife or whatever, I know. Don't bother saying it, I'm looking for advice not criticism.
What can I do? Seriously, going 14 months while only being able to see my kid for maybe the birth or shortly after, and when he's like a year old for a few weeks? I can't do that. Expecting her to be a single mother in the Marine Corps without any support network aside from daycare centers? She can't do that either.
What can either of us do? Should I try talking to my 1st sgt? Should she try talking to hers? This has been going on for a few months now, but I just got word about 3 hours ago she's pretty much stuck in oki. its been up in the air, and word is any request to be reassigned will get non-rec'd by the higher ups.
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06-22-08, 11:00 PM #2
Both of you go to your 1stSgt and explain the situation and then make sure they talk to each other to corroborate the story. If you have the cajones request mast and take it higher. But the very first thing is to talk to your chaplain, if you haven't already, because I can guarantee thats where most of your higher will send you.
Since she's not your wife, the chances of anything happening is slim to nil.
WM's are nothing but trouble.
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06-22-08, 11:08 PM #3
By all means...both of you talk to your commands and tell them whats going on!! Go to your Chaplain and see about getting married. You should've gotten married before your orders came or before everything to make sure this wouldn't happen. Now, its going to be harder then hell putting you two together. If you guys get married, it will be easier for your commands to understand your committment to each other and hopefullt be a little lenient when asking to go see your wife a child. I'd go to the Chaplain first though. See what he can do for you....good luck..
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06-22-08, 11:18 PM #4
Guys, way ahead of you. Already talked to both our chaplains. The problem is, she can't take leave from Oki till she's been there 6 months, and I can't marry her in oki, heck I can't even get to oki because of deployments.
Maybe they can waive the 6 month leave thing, but if not, she cant come to hawaii until November....in November she will be 28 weeks pregnant, and unable to fly. And from 28 weeks on, she won't be able to come here, and an infant can't fly either.
Our chaplains said pretty much, like you said, the Marine Corps can't do anything/won't do anything unless we're married.
I will try to talk to my 1st sgt about it though, but he's an 03 and has the same mentality as 0331....WMs are trouble
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06-22-08, 11:46 PM #5
Achped, I have watched you as a poolee and today.
Sometimes you GIVE great advice, sometimes not.
Then you pull the he-man ****.
Son, it is getting old. You ****ed up and the Lady took seriously what was poked at her for fun.
What are you, 19, 20 years old? Have you never heard of a condom? Nevermind, all of that is spilt milk and closing the gate after the cows got out.
Marry her? Sure. Do it by phone. I bet it can be done.
Sorry, but tough **** on not being able to be together.
In fact, I have had enough of your ****, Marine or not.
Big Al out.
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06-23-08, 12:20 AM #6
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06-23-08, 12:25 AM #7
Achped running around banging on everyones door yelling "THE SKY IS FALLING"!
Matt I love ya Kid, But dam'd if you ain't had the worst run of luck than any Marine in History!
By now I hope you have learned the two things that are outright lies......1) "the check is in the Mail", and... 2) "I can pull out fast enough"!
I truly feel sorry for your girlfriend.....I really do Matt. But, you both are Marines, you both knew that it was more than likely that one, or both, of you were going overseas! This is something that should have been taken care of as soon as you both found out about the Baby!
Like Bigal said, it's all water under the bridge now, but maybe they will allow you to marry her over the phone or radio or something! Choices Matt, that's what we have to live with....CHOICES!
I guess the question now is....how long before you screw up again? Mistakes aren't always bad, if we learn from them. LEARN MATT!
Good luck and I hope you only the best for the problem you're facing.
Dave
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06-23-08, 05:25 AM #8
I'm pretty sure there are ways to be married over distance. Check with the chaplain about it. I'd say that's your first and most important step as it gives you and her the most support from within the Corps.
And I agree with the other Marines. The antics are old. You should have grown up by now.
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06-23-08, 06:06 AM #9
So, basically one can assume that you've known this girl for less then 6 months?
Another kid raised by the system..
What a way to start a tour,,, with a little unwanted crumb snatcher nipping around your ankles.
Try using condoms, they work, and then you can live your life a little.
Hate to say it but I feel bad for the kid, what kind of situation is that going to put him or her into?
Nobody ever thinks about that...
Good luck, make smarter decisions.
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06-23-08, 06:33 AM #10
Look into something called "marriage by proxy". Get that done and request co-location orders.
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06-23-08, 06:59 AM #11
Get married so your relationship is recognized by the Corps. Sounds like you want to get married to her anyways. Speed the process up and see a justice of the peace if you can get libo to Oki.
Good luck..its not the end of the world. It just feels like it.
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06-23-08, 08:34 AM #12
The Marine Corps is the only service (at least it was when I was in) that has policy on keeping married Marines stationed within 50 miles of each other [unless it is not feasible to the mission at hand.] I think this is an area that makes the chain of command grind their teeth... new-to-the-Corps Marines getting pregnant/wanting to get married. Everything will work out for you, it will just take some time/patience/planning. And, like it was said before. You can easily become the bastar# scapegoat if you continue to harangue your chain of command on this issue. Don't become that guy. You may hurt inside but just be patient and do the very best you can do. The Corps will help a motivator more willingly than it will a whiner/complainer/one who doesn't carry their weight. Keep in touch with your girl because she is surely having a hard time. I've known female Marines who got pregnant when they were new to the Corps, and some were hard charging and some were just wastes of space. Either way, there is alot of prejudice that they will be dealing with on a daily basis. As you can tell from the assinine comment in this thread that "WM's are trouble," that kind of thinking can permeate a unit, company, platoon, squad, section... what have you and create ill will. Mark my words, every place you will be stationed, there will be a designated sh$tbird/scapegoat. Neither one of you want to fill that billet.
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06-23-08, 02:07 PM #13
Just proves the old adage, "The Lord gave man a brain, and He gave man a penis, but He only gave man enough of a blood supply to use one at a time.
I'll be on the lookout for incoming.
crate
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06-23-08, 07:08 PM #14
Thank you crate!
I'm going to ignore the "WM's are trouble" remark that came out of the 2 mouthes of babes. What you want to blame a WM for YOUR "problem" - you couldn't keep your d!ck in your pants! DUMBASS! And, if it's a "problem", why are you wanting to marry it?
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06-23-08, 07:28 PM #15
Achped:
Sounds like you stepped on your crank young man.
Its going to be pretty hard to pay attention to you job in the Corps with you stepping on your crank constantly.
What you really need is for you Squad Leader to take you out behind the woodshed and whip your azz.
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