THE DISILLUSIONED: Iraq veteran never meant to be an activist

By Lauren Ober
Free Press Staff Writer

March 19, 2008
Matt Howard was in the airport Monday on his way to Hawaii for a vacation when a fellow traveler struck up a conversation.

She pointed to Howard's shirt -- a memento from the recent "Winter Soldier: Iraq and Afghanistan -- Eyewitness Accounts of the Occupation" testimony in Maryland -- and asked him a personal, if not pointed, question. "Do you feel the same way about Afghanistan as you do about Iraq," the woman probed.

Howard, a former Marine corporal with the 1st Tank Battalion, 1st Marine Division and president of the Vermont chapter of Iraq Veterans Against the War, paused to process the question he wasn't quite expecting. Then he engaged.

While other veterans might be reluctant to talk about one of the country's most divisive issues, since his tenure with the Marines ended in 2005, Howard can't help but talk about the war. He sees it as his duty, a continuation of his service to his country.

Howard enlisted in the Marines in 2001 as a way to earn money for college and to get out of his Massachusetts hometown and see the world. Howard never thought life in the service meant actually going to war, especially not one predicated on lies and betrayal, he says.

"I definitely didn't sign up to go to war, but that's what it turned out to be," said Howard, who is now a student at St. Michael's College.

In 2003, Howard's unit was one of the first to be deployed as a part of Operation Iraqi Freedom. Very quickly, he says, he came to the "painful conclusion" that the Marine Corps was not interested in whether he or the Iraqi people lived or died. For the duration of his eight-month deployment, Howard felt disillusioned and angry. The "shoot first, ask questions later" ethos that punctuated his service in Iraq felt contrary to everything he had learned, he said.

"It was the ultimate betrayal," Howard said. "I felt betrayed not only by the government, but by the American people for swallowing it and not asking questions."

After a second deployment to the Middle East, this time to Kuwait, Howard had digested just about all he could of military life and the war in Iraq. Two years ago, Howard left the Marines with a heavy heart and a desire to create change. He never saw himself becoming an activist, but a prevailing sense of responsibility pointed him in that direction.

"It's the duty of the military to report back to who sent them to war," Howard said.

Howard moved to Montreal for a year to decompress but eventually found himself in Burlington where there was a sizable community that sympathized with his views. In advance of the fifth-year anniversary of the war's start, he helped organize Vermont's own Winter Soldier testimony, highlighting the stories of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans in the state.

Thanks to technology like digital still and video cameras, veterans are able to share their experiences with a wider audience. That has made all the difference, Howard said.

"The material is irrefutable. We have videos of the target practice on mosques. We have videos of the dead bodies," Howard said.

As for Howard's answer to the question posed by the woman in the airport? Howard told her he thought Afghanistan was an even more desperate situation than Iraq.

He said she confided that up until the day before, she worked for the U.S. State Department. She left her job, she said, because she needed to follow her conscience. Howard understood.

"I think people are hearing our message," Howard said.

Contact Lauren Ober at 660-1868 or lober@bfp.burlingtonfreepress.com

Ellie