Please help me explain

[Karin92104]

My fiance was determined to be a Marine. He was training himself to be better prepared for basic, but he caught up with an old friend recently who just got out of the Army, and his friend had told him that he had heard stories that Marines were not dedicated to their families. His friend did not re-enlist to the Army because he didn't like not being there for his daughter and his wife. He also left because his wife cheated on him. So my fiance has decided that he is not going to be a Marine. It is some what disapointing because he has the heart to be one and I knew while he was away from me that he had his other family with him, his Marine family. He is afraid of leaving me alone. We have hardly ever been apart in our 3 year relationship. His friend advised him to join the Navy or the Air Force if he were to join a service. I just wish someone could sit him down and make him see that being a Marine does not mean you don't love your family anymore. I have given up on convincing him about this, he says now at this point he would join if it would make me happy, but what makes me happy is him being happy. I could see him being happy when he was working so hard to be a Marine, and now its gone. I just had to rant and talk to people about this who might know how I feel or could give me advice. Thank you!

[semperfi170]

Please fill out your profile!

[Covey_Rider]

Thank you for filling out your profile. I'll let the married Marines respond to this one. My opinion however is that he will have to make up his own mind. He's lucky to have your support in the matter.

[Big Jim]

Thank you for filling out your profile. I'll let the married Marines respond to this one. My opinion however is that he will have to make up his own mind. He's lucky to have your support in the matter.

Covey's right, he's lucky to have your support. I got married to my best friend's sister while on my 2nd enlistment in 1989 and we're still married. We have a solid agreement: stay in contact when we can, write as much as we can and always reassure each other as much as possible. We still do that to this day. I think that's what kept us strong and together.

Grant you, if he's in a deployable job and deployable unit, he will go and be gone for up to a year at a time. But, if you agree to be there for him, which is what he'll need from you and that's all he'll need to do his job and be reassured. It sounds like there's more to this story but there usually always is. If he's gonna join, just be behind him and support him, but it DOES have to be his decision to join. Maybe he got cold feet from joining my beloved Corps, huh? It happens.

[crazymjb]

We had a similar thing happen at the RSS. A couple in their senior year were both DEPping in, the girls mother got sick, so she dropped. And now that my recruiter was finally able to get her boyfriends stuff together (waivers and such) he no longer wants to go as he feels he needs to stay with her. He was one of the most Moto poolees I've ever seen.

It is great that you are so supportive. You should point out that their will be times apart, but that their are MANY Marine families, and that he shouldnt have to worry about your allegiance to him. You could also bring up the reserves.

Good luck,

Mike

[Phantom Blooper]

I think your fiancé should choose better friends! There are many Marines that are dedicated to the family....wife and children. If one joins a branch of the service...any branch...chances are that the service member will get deployed.

Is he afraid of leaving you alone because he thinks that if he becomes a Marine that will you cheat on him? ALL branches of the service have those that can't keep their zipper up or their panties on.The civilian sector has it's share of bed jumpers also.

His Army friend advised him to join the Navy or the Air Force.....the Navy stays gone longer than the Marines when on board a ship or out to sea.

Each branch has it's merits...here we are partial because we are Marines. You would be hard pressed to find a job in the military that everyday/365 that you come home like clockwork at 1700/5:00 P.M. and allot of jobs have the perks but none are without complaint......

He joins to make you HAPPY......DUH! He signs a contract for four years and doesn't want to be there he will be a problem case from day one. He either wants to join and believe that you will be faithful to him.....or stay home and wonder if you are while hes at his nine to five! You can always get a farrier or blacksmith to make a fur lined chastity belt and give him the only key.....that makes as much sense ,as listening to his Army buddy!

[GySgtRet]

I don't want to get into why I am saying what I am about to state here. He is selfish, self cenetered individual and would not make it in my Marine Corps. However, you would be excellent. You posses the qualities that the Marine Corps is looking for. You are selfless and oh yes you probably would not neglect or mis-treat your family either. Please don't get me wrong on this. With 20 years experience in the Marine Corps I met and worked with some of the greatest human beings in my life, these people happened to be United States Marines, dedicated to GOD, COUNTRY, CORPS, and oh yes the most important part FAMILY. To the friend that got out of the Army, well I can't speak for him as he has spoken for all Marines that have ever been Marines for the past 232 years. I guess your finace should listen to him since he is the Marine Corps expert.

Your finace has no clue on how to be a Marine. I would dump him and start my life over again if I were you. But I am not you.

Let us know how this pans out.

Good Luck.

[Karin92104]

He doesn't think I'll cheat on him. He knows I'm not like that. He is afraid something might happen to me and he would hate not being there for me. It was just strange to me that right after he talked to his friend, all these new views on the Marines came into the picture. I think hes strong enough to do it. He just needs more motivation. His family isn't that great and they don't try to encourage him to do anything, so I try to make up for them and its hard, but I know he would do the same for me. Just to shed some light on how he came to the Marines, he originally tried to join the Army and what he told me was they "dicked him around." They told him he had to do so many things before he joined. And he went to a Marine office and they said they would take him. He liked the recuiter more and the fact that the recruiter said "**** the Army." At the time the Army had made him mad. The recruiter never returned his calls, he went up there, but never recieved help, it was a nightmare. Which I have no problems with any part of the service, my uncle is a Lieutenant Colonel in the Army and i believe everyone fights for that one purpose, freedom. So I read further into the Marines vs. Army and I didn't know that there was a...rivalry between the two. Which I might be wrong, but I just read about it. I didn't know if that was the motivation of his friend telling him his views on the Marines, but I thought it was a possibility. So, right now its just up in the air, but I agree with the advice that was given to me, it is his choice. And no matter what I'll back him up.

[Phantom Blooper]

I commend you for standing behind him! Motivation in the Marines or any branch comes from within. A drill instructor can yell and scream and threaten but if a Marine recruit is not motivated he will cower like a beat puppy and refuse to get up and try. You can give him pep talks and atta-boys but as you stated and we stated the choice is his and the motivation and attitude is totally up to him.

You are not stating his or your age on the profile but by your posting I would venture to say that your fiancé is in an age where he could be swayed and influenced by the Army friend because he...been there,and done that. .......?My feelings are that if he was a true friend regardless of inter-service rivalry he would be supportive also and not try to be motivating. His life didn't go well in the Army doesn't mean jack that your fiancé could or would not excel in the Marine Corps. I would have him look for new friends... the cliché,"With friends like that ,who needs enemies." Applies!

[Karin92104]

Thank you for your input, but as per your view of him, it is wrong. I think selfish is the last word I would use to describe him. Maybe you read wrong, I'm not sure, but thank you anyways for your view.

[Echo_Four_Bravo]

To be honest, if his heart isn't in it, he shouldn't be a Marine. It won't be right for him- or more importantly- the Marine Corps. Joining the Navy would be a pretty stupid idea is he's wanting to be there for family. Those guys spend a good amount of time away from home, even in peace time.

Life is about making sacrifices. No matter what choice you make, it will be a sacrifice of something else. He could enlist in the Marine Corps, and have less time for family, friends, etc. Or, he could do something that gives him all of the time in the world with his family, but have to miss out on the Marine Corps.

As for being dedicated to your family, that is a matter of character nor occupation. If someone wouldn't be dedicated to their wife as a Marine, they wouldn't be as an accountant either.

[sparkie]

Can you know what's inside a mans heart? My first guess is joining the Marines is a big thing, and he found a legit excuse to back out. Don't Mean to be mean, so don't get all mad. Just in my experience of reading people,,,,You'd be suprised.

[semperfiman]

if he dosnt want to be a Marine we dont want hin nuff said

[LeonardLawrence]

I agree with GySgt,
From your posts Karin, you sound like a good to go Marine wife

As for him and his friends advice,....it all sucks.
Joining the Navy will get you guaranteed ship time, joining the Army is pretty good chance at deploying. It is all the same game. Same conflicts.

The Marines are what we are. You either have to be committed, or you don't.

I, along with many a saltier folk on here have survived deployments, being in the field for months at a time and some ship time and the like ....trust me if I and my "karin" can do it, anyone can.

I would have a talk with your b/f and get to the real issue. Put up or shut up. You are either playing or taking your ball and going home. Welcome to the big kids playground.

Good luck to both of you.

[Buckeye]

I Like to think that as Marines,we are even more dedicated to our families.....Because we're willing to go to the Front of the Battle & Fight for them & to give ourselves as a sacrifice to defend them!!!!!!!