18 Ways to be a good liberal

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and
governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens
are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands
of Chinese and North Korean communists(thanks to slick willy).
4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer
moms driving SUV's.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being
homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of
federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach
4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids
about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but activists who don't hunt do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than
actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own
money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.
12. You have to blieve the NRA is bad because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports
certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are
more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert
E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in
charge.
17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens
and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger
scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
18. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast,
right-wing conspiracy.
Ready to vote?