Advice for my Boy
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  1. #1

    Advice for my Boy

    Here's the deal...Today my oldest son, Patrick (8th grader), told me that another boy from school called him "a fatherless piece of s**t". Patrick was really upset, since his dad is currently deployed. I did ask if he (Patrick) did or said anything to provoke this kid, he says he didn't and hardley knows this boy. I didn't really know how to respond, since this has never happened to any of my kids.
    My first reaction was to find this boy and rip him a new one, but Patrick made me promise that I would not get involved, and he would handle it. I don't know what kind of words of wisdom I should say to him...help. I am also torn between defending my son and cutting the cord and let him handle things. BTW, I am going to let him handle it for now, He's almost 13 and doesn't want "mommy" fighting his battles, I get that.
    Has anyone else encountered a situtation like this and if so, please send me some advice for me or Patrick.


  2. #2
    Just let your son know the age old wisdom of, "Sticks and stones." It's hard for a younger one to understand the need to let verbal comments just roll off of them, but as far as that comment goes, let your son know how jealous that other boy must be. Your husband, his father, is a modern day warrior. A well dressed, highly trained man who is not cut from the same cloth that most of the nation is from.

    Remind your son of that -- let him know deep down that other boy is jealous that HIS father is nowhere near the man that your sons father is.

    Also, tell your son to break that kid's nose


  3. #3
    Marine Free Member davblay's Avatar
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    Haffner---I concur 100%!


  4. #4
    The Marine Corps is a brotherhood of sorts and in that spirit you and your child are an extension of our big family. As a theoretical uncle I have the sudden urge to find that little brat and twist his little head off for messing with our family but I must bite my lip.

    Kids will be kids and “your moms a, or your dads a“, comments are just a part of growing up. Having a parent interfere would most likely make things worse. Your natural instinct is to protect and defend your family but some times it is best just to bite your lip and see how things turn out. Your kid and the other kid have one thing in common and that is they have the attention span of nine year olds. It is all to likely that by the time you have read this both kids will have totally forgotten the encounter.

    I have no doubt that you have encountered the “let me do it” and “I can do it” comments from your child. Independence is the right of passage into manhood and it starts by young men dealing with encounters like this one. It is normally around your kids age that we start to develop our urge for independence in many areas but don’t worry, he will still want to be around mom for a long time to come.

    I am a 41yo, 260 pound former Marine and I am still a mommas boy so to speak. You should have seen my mother when I was dealing with the VA. She was ready to run her five foot tall 110 pound rear down to the VA and start kicking all of their a**’s because she thought they were mistreating her little boy LOL!

    In short, I think you have nothing to worry about. Just keep letting your son know that his father is a US Marine and that is something to be very proud of even when he is gone for long periods of time.

    Simper Fi



  5. #5
    Marine Free Member GySgtRet's Avatar
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    Ok Tina

    I think that the advice has been excellent here and I too think of myself as an uncle. I know what you would like to do and feel that you must do. I don't think that your son will forget the day that this happened. From what I recall you are a close net family. When your husband gets home from deployment, (I hope it is soon) I think that your son will bring it up and also tell his father how he handled it. If your son does decided to break this little shavers nose. Please don't praise him for it but don't scold him, he feels he deserved the chance to get back at him. Is the other little boy's father a Marine by any chance. If so maybe his father is deployed or will be and your son may be able to help him cope with his dad being gone.

    Tina, good luck at whatever happens.


  6. #6
    yes it is hard not to get in to his bis at this time when you are raising your children and you husband is serving his country. Yes the kids that don't have parents in the service are all ways jealous so just give him support and hope for the best.
    bless you and your family for the hardships that you have to endure


  7. #7
    Bring that youngun to cowboys ranch i will show him to hang that little fart from the highest tree..


  8. #8
    I want to thank all of you for responding and giving me sound advice. I truly appriciate it.
    Haffner & davblay-I did talk to him at dinner last night about letting things roll off his back & that this boy is most likely jealous of him and/or that this boys father isn't around at all. He did think about it and it made sense to him on some level, his anger about the comment seemed to temper a bit.

    Messenger-I loved your post, yes, I will be biting my lip on this one and staying out of it. I would make worse if I got involved. Us Mama's don't like our kids getting messed with. I'm not worried about him going too far from "mom". He wants us to stay here in Jacksonville, so he can visit us when he is stationed at Camp Lejuene, LOL.

    GySgtRet-You have a good memory...we are a close family. Your are right that he feels he deserves the chance to get back at this boy. And I wont praise or scold him if he breaks this kids nose, but I will be doing a silent "high five", if he does. That may sound wrong of me, but is what it is.
    (The Husband just left a month ago, so he'll be home around Feb.)

    Sgt Tony-Thank you, I try to give all my kids my support. I don't have to agree with everything they do, I just remind them that with all decisions there comes consequences; sometimes good/sometimes bad.

    Hrscowboy-He's on his way....

    Just to let ya'll know I wont be mentioning this to The Husband while he's away, it can wait. I think I was headed in the right direction with this situation, but it's good to have some male perspective. Thanks again guys, I do appreciate all your advice.


  9. #9
    Marine Free Member GySgtRet's Avatar
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    Tina

    A silent high five from me too.


  10. #10
    Well done.

    The answer my daughter gave when she was faced with this, at age 10, in Jacksonville (one of the off post middle schools filled with dirtbags) was:

    "It's not MY fault my dad is cooler than YOUR dad"

    And, like the others, my first instinct here is to throttle the little puke who said such a thing, AFTER I have a nice "word of prayer" with his parent/s. Cooler heads I'm sure would prevail, which would also be a good thing.


  11. #11
    When our daughter was a kindergartener Billy deployed. She wasn't too upset and she told me that she was proud of him. Then one day someone in her class said something about her dad being bad for leaving us to go to "war". She told me that she said, "My daddy is helping to save people's lives and that is more important than being with us right now." The teacher was impressed as was my husband and I were too. Just tell him to speak about his dad from his heart. If he must "defend" his dad to someone else he should highlight the important things he can tell others about. This could be helping to build schools, dig wells, and so on. Then he could ask what that kids father does half a world away.

    Sorry, not trying to preach. We are the poster child for a Marine Corps Family.

    Marine Wife '98
    Veronica


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