Chuckles of the Day... - Page 1262
  1. #18916
    I hope this embed works. (If not, I'll edit and just post the link)

    One of the best videos I've got to watch online in a long time, and it brings a happy chuckle to your heart. A must see for any Veteran.



    Joe Pool, Senior Applications Developer
    USMC Dates: 880823 - 920823; Final Rank: E-4
    PvtShane: "Marines have a high standard, you'll meet it, you have no choice in the matter."
    Avoid Sears Home Improvement!

  2. #18917
    Dont ask dont tell

    The End Of Civilization






  3. #18918


    Joe Pool, Senior Applications Developer
    USMC Dates: 880823 - 920823; Final Rank: E-4
    PvtShane: "Marines have a high standard, you'll meet it, you have no choice in the matter."
    Avoid Sears Home Improvement!

  4. #18919
    Career Placement Test



    One of the questions from the career placement test given to applicants for job placement was:

    "Rearrange the letters ( P N E S I ) to spell out an important part of human
    body that is more useful when erect."

    Those who spelled SPINE became doctors.the rest of us work in the oilfield.


  5. #18920
    what I wanted for my Birthday but didn't get



  6. #18921
    A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
    Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
    The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'
    The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'
    The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'
    The biker replies, ‘I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican’
    The journalist leaves.
    The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:" U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH”

    ... and THAT pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days ...


















  7. #18922


    Amish Elevator Joke.....Priceless !
    A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.















    The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'


















    The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

















    While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

















    They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.













    Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

















    The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....


















    'Go get your Mother'


















  8. #18923
    Pic jokes....









    Joe Pool, Senior Applications Developer
    USMC Dates: 880823 - 920823; Final Rank: E-4
    PvtShane: "Marines have a high standard, you'll meet it, you have no choice in the matter."
    Avoid Sears Home Improvement!

  9. #18924
    5 limit buster:








    Joe Pool, Senior Applications Developer
    USMC Dates: 880823 - 920823; Final Rank: E-4
    PvtShane: "Marines have a high standard, you'll meet it, you have no choice in the matter."
    Avoid Sears Home Improvement!

  10. #18925
    MILITARY TRUISMS

    "A malfunctioning part could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
    - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

    "Aim towards the Enemy."
    - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

    "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
    - U.S. Marine Corps

    "Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
    - USAF Ammo Troop

    "If the enemy is in range, so are you."
    - Infantry Journal

    "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
    - U.S. Air Force Manual

    "Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
    - General MacArthur

    "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
    - Infantry Journal

    "Tracers work both ways."
    - U.S. Army Ordnance

    "Five second fuses only last three seconds."
    - Infantry Journal

    "Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."
    - U.S. Navy Swabbie

    "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
    - Infantry Journal

    "Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once."
    - Anonymous

    "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
    - Unknown Marine Recruit

    "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
    - Infantry Journal

    "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
    - USAF Ammo Troop

    "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death .. I Shall Fear No Evil.
    For I am 80,000 feet and climbing."
    - At the entrance to the old SR-71 Operating base, Kadena, Japan

    "You've never been really lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
    - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

    "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
    - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

    "Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than
    submarines in the sky."
    - From an old carrier sailor

    For our Air Force friends:

    "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a

    helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."

    "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough
    power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

    "Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."

    "Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

    Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

    "A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication."

    "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

    "Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."

    "In an emergency, flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

    "When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten."

    Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible."

    "The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."
    - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

    "If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible."
    - Bob Hoover (Renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

    Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."

    "You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power with afterburners to taxi to the terminal."

    Joe Pool, Senior Applications Developer
    USMC Dates: 880823 - 920823; Final Rank: E-4
    PvtShane: "Marines have a high standard, you'll meet it, you have no choice in the matter."
    Avoid Sears Home Improvement!

  11. #18926
    A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

    Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties.

    The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

    The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

    The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

    "OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that.
    If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."

    Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead & said,

    "Your brother won't let me in without a tie!"

    Joe Pool, Senior Applications Developer
    USMC Dates: 880823 - 920823; Final Rank: E-4
    PvtShane: "Marines have a high standard, you'll meet it, you have no choice in the matter."
    Avoid Sears Home Improvement!

  12. #18927

  13. #18928
    A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
    "You aren't so good in bed either!",
    he shouted and stormed off to work.
    By mid morning,
    he decided he'd better make amends and called home.
    "What took you so long to answer?"
    "I was in bed."



    "What were you doing in bed this late?"









    "Getting a second opinion."



  14. #18929
    A young Southampton woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her.

    "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

    With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia, the woman accepted.

    That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.

    Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

    "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

    "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Australia."

    "I see," the captain says.

    Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

    "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry."

    Joe Pool, Senior Applications Developer
    USMC Dates: 880823 - 920823; Final Rank: E-4
    PvtShane: "Marines have a high standard, you'll meet it, you have no choice in the matter."
    Avoid Sears Home Improvement!

  15. #18930


    Joe Pool, Senior Applications Developer
    USMC Dates: 880823 - 920823; Final Rank: E-4
    PvtShane: "Marines have a high standard, you'll meet it, you have no choice in the matter."
    Avoid Sears Home Improvement!

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