Chuckles of the Day... - Page 1257
  1. #18841
    Funny!

    Joe Pool, Senior Applications Developer
    USMC Dates: 880823 - 920823; Final Rank: E-4
    PvtShane: "Marines have a high standard, you'll meet it, you have no choice in the matter."
    Avoid Sears Home Improvement!

  2. #18842
    In Seattle, Washington, they have had to pass a law that bans vicious Chihuahuas. It turns out, surprising as it seems, they were killing all the Rotweilers!
    ..
    ..
    ..
    ..
    ..
    it's coming!
    ..
    ..
    ..
    ..
    ..
    The Rotweilers were choking to death!


  3. #18843
    This supposedly is a true story:

    At an embassy party in London, Winston Churchill was lambasted by an older woman. She said: "Mr Churchill, you are drunk, you should be ashamed for being in this condition"

    His reply, slurred that is was: " Madam, I indeed am a little drunk, you though are quite ugly. The difference is, in the morning, I shall be sober!"


  4. #18844
    So you think you're having a bad day.......

    Then you step outside of your house.........



    And look up into the beautiful blue sky....



    And see this!!!!!







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    All of a sudden, that smile comes back to your

    face And things don't seem quite so bad!!
    Now that's a 'big axs balloon!!


  5. #18845
    This is such a sad story.

    We grow up with such great hopes and dreams.
    We face life every day.

    That includes you and me.

    We try to look at everyone right in the eye.

    That's why this is such a sad story!


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  6. #18846
    Today I had to run to Whole Foods.

    As I approached the entrance, I noticed a driver looking for a parking space.

    I flagged the driver and pointed out a parking space in the handicap area. The driver looked puzzled.

    ”I’m not handicapped,” she said.

    Boy, was my face red. ”Oh, sorry about that, I saw your Obama sticker and just presumed.”

    She gave me the finger and called me some nasty names.

    Shesh. Obama supporters!



    Joe Pool, Senior Applications Developer
    USMC Dates: 880823 - 920823; Final Rank: E-4
    PvtShane: "Marines have a high standard, you'll meet it, you have no choice in the matter."
    Avoid Sears Home Improvement!

  7. #18847
    Sometimes it pays to get lost on the course!
    A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up
    ahead of him and went to her and said,
    "Can you please help me, I don't know
    what Hole I'm on."

    She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6."
    He Thanked her and continued playing golf.

    Later, he got lost again. He saw the same lady
    and went to her again kind of embarrassed.
    "I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost; can you please
    tell me what hole I'm on."

    She told him, "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13."
    Again, he thanked her and continued playing golf.

    When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse.
    He went up to her and asked if
    he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were
    drinking and talking, he asked her what she did for a living.

    "I'm in sales," she said.
    He replied, "No kidding; so am I."

    "What do you sell?" She responded that it was too embarrassing to tell; but
    after he kept pleading to know what she sold, she finally said that she
    would tell him if he promised not to laugh. He promised.

    She said, "I sell sanitary napkins."

    He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically. She said, "You
    promised you wouldn't laugh".

    He replied (still with tears in his eyes),
    "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper..... I'm still one
    Hole behind you."



  8. #18848
    Marine Free Member Rob Parry's Avatar
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    It is alleged that he made the remark to Lady Nancy Astor, a prime pain in the rectal area.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gary Miner View Post
    This supposedly is a true story:

    At an embassy party in London, Winston Churchill was lambasted by an older woman. She said: "Mr Churchill, you are drunk, you should be ashamed for being in this condition"

    His reply, slurred that is was: " Madam, I indeed am a little drunk, you though are quite ugly. The difference is, in the morning, I shall be sober!"



  9. #18849
    Old Guy Picking Up Young Ladies



    Love the Car!!! Turn Up The Sound and Listen To The Classic Song .. "Only You"

    Old man with gold chains and a convertible tries to pick up some young girls waiting on a park bench... until he gets busted by his wife. A presentation of the Just For Laughs Gags. The funny hidden camera pranks show for the whole family. Juste pour rire les gags, l'émission




  10. #18850

  11. #18851
    Barack Obama at the Pearly Gates~



    Barack Obama at the Pearly Gates~



    Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barrack Obama meets a man with a beard. 'Are you Mohammed?' he asks.

    'No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up.' Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds...

    Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room where he meets another bearded man. He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'

    'Why no,' he answers, 'I am Moses; Mohammed is higher still.'

    Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder yet again, he discovers a larger room where he meets an angelic looking man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again,
    'Are you Mohammed?'

    'No, I am Jesus, the Christ; you will find Mohammed higher up.'

    Mohammed higher than Jesus! Man, oh man!

    Barack Hussein Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs ever higher. Once again, he reaches an even larger room where he meets this truly magnificent looking man with a silver white beard and once again repeats his question: 'Are you Mohammed?' he gasps as he is by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.

    'No, my son, I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega, but you look exhausted, 'Would you like a cup of coffee?'

    Obama says, 'Yes please!'


    As God looks behind him, he claps his hands and yells out:


    'Hey, Mohammed, two coffees!'





  12. #18852

  13. #18853
    Sears Catalog

    Two rednecks were looking at a
    Sears catalog and admiring the models.

    One says to the other,
    'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?'

    The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful
    And look at the price!'
    The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive.
    At this price, I'm buying one.'
    The second one smiles and pats him on the back. 'Good idea! Order


    one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.'
    Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks his friend,
    'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?'
    The second redneck replies......



    'No, but it shouldn't be long now.
    I got her clothes yesterday .










  14. #18854
    Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.


    Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."


    Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a
    gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers!

    Then he takes me
    downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.

    Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvellous dinner... lobster, champagne,
    dessert, and after-dinner drinks.

    Then we go see a show. Let me tell you,
    Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!

    So then we are
    coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.

    Completely crazy, he
    tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"


    Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"


    Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."






  15. #18855
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    As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible-



    But pisxing everyone off, is a piece of cake.


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