Chuckles of the Day... - Page 1205
  1. #18061
    A colonel calls the barracks and says, "Sergeant, Smith's mother passed away. Please give him the news. And sergeant, we all know you're a little gruff. Please break it to him gently."
    The sergeant says, "Don't worry, son."
    The sergeant goes out into the yard and yells, "Fall in, one line."
    After the men are in line, the sergeant says, "All right, all of you men whose mother is still living take one step forward. Where you going, Smith?"



  2. #18062

    Morris returns from the doctor
    and tells his wife that the
    doctor has told him that he
    has only 24 hours to live.



    Given the prognosis, Morris
    asks his wife for sex.


    Naturally, she agrees, so
    they make love.


    About 6 hours later, the
    husband goes to his wife and says,


    'Honey, you know I now have
    only 18 hours to live.


    Could we please do it one
    more time?'


    Of course, the wife agrees,
    and they do it again.


    Later, as the man gets into
    bed, he looks at his watch


    and realizes that he now has
    only 8 hours left.


    He touches his wife's
    shoulder and asks,


    'Honey, please... just one
    more time before I die.'


    She says, 'Of course, Dear,'
    and they make love for the third time.


    After this session, the wife
    rolls over and falls to sleep.


    Morris, however, worried about his impending death,
    tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.


    He taps his wife, who rouses.
    'Honey, I have only 4 more hours.


    Do you think we
    could...'


    At this point the wife sits
    up and says, 'Listen Morris, enough is enough
    I have to get up in the morning.... you don't.'


  3. #18063
    Two hillbillies are having lunch when a woman seated nearby begins to choke. Hillbilly asks her,"kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly asks her "kin ya breathe?" Woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly walks over,lifts up her dress, yanks down britches and licks her butt cheek. The woman has a violent spasm and spits out food. The hillbillies' buddy says "ya know,I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver but I aint niver seed nobody do it".....


  4. #18064

  5. #18065
    BUMP

    STANLEY

    Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and
    Obama asks him his name.

    "Stanley," responds the little boy.

    "And what is your question, Stanley?"

    "I have 4 questions:
    First, why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?
    Second, why are you President when John McCain got more votes?
    Third, whatever happened to all of the jobs you were going to create?"
    Fourth, why don't you enforce our current immigration laws?
    Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

    When they resume Obama says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right: question time. Who has a question?"
    Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him his name.

    "Steve," he responds.

    "And what is your question, Steve?"

    Actually, I have 6 questions:
    First, why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?
    Second, why are you President when John McCain got more votes?
    Third, whatever happened to all of the jobs you were going to create?"
    Fourth, why don't you enforce our current immigration laws?
    Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
    And sixth, what happened to Stanley?"


  6. #18066

    How it's done....How to scale a fence....

    How it's done....How to scale a fence....




  7. #18067
    President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me"?

    Cashier: "It would be my pleasure, sir. Could you please show me your ID."?

    Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barrack H. Obama, president of the United States of America ."

    Cashier: "Yes, sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of imposters and forgers, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."

    Obama: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

    Cashier: "I am sorry, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

    Obama: "I am urging you to please cash this check."

    Cashier: "Look, sir, here's what we can do: one day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his check. So, what can you do to prove that you are really the President of the United States ?"

    Obama stood there thinking, and thinking, and finally says: "Honestly, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing"
    Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?"


  8. #18068
    Good one Ed.


  9. #18069
    Michelle Obama's Dream Wedding Cake


    Given her known preference when it comes to putting her
    dietary hypocrisy on display, this would make a lot of sense...


  10. #18070
    Walking with a dummy . Thanks Ed.







  11. #18071

    Walking Eagle




    President Obama was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York.

    He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. He referred to his time as a U.S. Senator and how he had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.

    Although President Obama was vague about the details of his plans, he seemed most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about his ideas for helping his "red sisters and brothers."

    At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented Obama with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, "Walking Eagle."

    The proud President Obama accepted the plaque and then departed in his motorcade to a fundraiser, waving to the crowds.

    A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they came to select the new name they had given to the President.

    They explained that "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full of sh!t it can no longer fly!



  12. #18072
    Walking Eagle - That went out to everyone on my mailing list, thanks.


  13. #18073
    A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom he needs Viagra.
    The mom asks, "Why on earth do you need that?"
    The little boy replies, "isn't that what you give dad when HIS shiit won't get hard?!!"



  14. #18074


    USA FLAG/BANNER

    3 feet by 5 feet in size-distributed by: famousflagscom
    •made of super polyester for endurance and brilliance
    colorfast dyes to prevent fading
    •two brass grommets on canvas inner flyside for easy flag pole attachment
    •save on this one -msrp $29.50
    •BE SURE TO CHECK OUT OUR MANY STYLES AND APPLICATIONS OF FLAG POLES AND BRACKET -ON SALE NOW IN OUR STORE WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!!
    •any questions? call toll free (866) 425-0803


  15. #18075
    Doctor

    A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith for advice about breast enlargements. He told her, "Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the top of your nipples and say, 'Scooby dooby dooby, I want bigger boobies.' " She did this every day faithfully. After several months, it worked! She grew great boobs! One morning she was running late, and in her rush to leave for work, she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point she loved her boobs and didn't want to lose them, so she got up in the middle of the bus and said, "Scooby dooby
    dooby, I want bigger boobies." A guy sitting nearby asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?" "Why yes, I do. How did you know?" The man stood up and cupped his balls and said, "Hickory dickory dock..."


Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 23 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 23 guests)

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not Create Posts
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts