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Thread: Chuckles of the Day...
07-24-11, 06:56 PM #18001
John Smith started the day early having set his alarmclock
(MADE IN JAPAN )
for 6 am ..
While his coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA)
was perking, he shaved with his
(MADE IN HONG KONG)
He put on a
(MADE IN SRI LANKA),
(MADE IN SINGAPORE)
(MADE IN KOREA)
After cooking his breakfast in his new
(MADE IN INDIA)
he sat down with his
(MADE IN MEXICO)
to see how much he could spend today. After setting his
(MADE IN TAIWAN )
to the radio
(MADE IN INDIA )
he got in his car
(MADE IN GERMANY )
filled it with GAS
(from Saudi Arabia )
and continued his search
for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging
and fruitless day
( made in MALAYSIA ),
John decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL ),
poured himself a glass of
(MADE IN FRANCE )
and turned on his
(MADE IN INDONESIA ),
and then wondered why he can't
find a good paying job
AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM A PRESIDENT
MADE IN KENYA
07-24-11, 07:11 PM #18002
07-24-11, 07:14 PM #18003
Ed...since you posted that butt smokin' squirrel twice....does smokin' mess with your brain also?
07-24-11, 07:33 PM #18004
People born before 1946 were called The Silent generation
People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers
People born between 1965 and 1979 are called Generation X
And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called Generation Y
Why do we call the last group Generation Y?
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
07-25-11, 01:31 PM #18005
07-25-11, 07:23 PM #18006
This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asks, "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
"That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."
07-25-11, 09:05 PM #18007
Flying on Obama's private plane.
Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You
know, I could throw a
$1,000 bill out of the window right now and
make somebody very happy.
Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I
could throw ten $100 bills
out of the window and make ten people very
Michelle added, 'That being the case, I could
throw one hundred $10 bills
out of the window and make a hundred people
Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his
eyes and said to his co-pilot,
"Such big-shots back there. I could throw all
three of them out of the
window and make 256 million people very happy.'
If you're one of those 256 million, pass this
07-26-11, 09:32 AM #18008
A Innocent child asks an honest question....
A young Arab boy asks his father,
"What is that weird hat you are wearing?"
The father said,
"It's a 'chechia'. In the desert it protects our heads from the sun."
"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.
"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.
The son asked,
"And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?
His father replied,
"These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet in the desert."
"Tell me," added the boy.
"Yes, my son?"
"Why are you living in Dearborn , Michigan and still wearing all this shiit
07-26-11, 04:58 PM #18009
Wizard of OZ is 72 years old Today, if Dorothy were to encounter men with no brains, no hearts, and no balls,
she wouldn't be in Oz.
She'd be in Congress!
07-26-11, 07:48 PM #18010
Lil Red Fire Truck
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl sitting in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster. "
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
07-27-11, 06:27 AM #18011
Rupert Murdoch was quoted today as saying he is deeply touched by all the messages of support left on Amy Winehouse's phone.
07-27-11, 02:26 PM #18012
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that...2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead"! The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!"
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg."
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening”.
My wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.
07-27-11, 04:25 PM #18013
WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN ONE SINGLE AMERICAN SOLDIER
This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. You are probably enraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty.
And after all, it's just a sign.
You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign.
It was a funeral home. God Bless America!
07-28-11, 08:50 AM #18014
Catholic or not you have to laugh at this one.
A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off
And enjoying a round of golf.
The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing.
He missed the ball entirely and said "S**T, I missed."
The good Sister told him to watch his language.
On his next swing, he missed again. "S**T, I missed."
"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing,"
The nun said tartly...
The priest promised to do better and the round continued.
On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed..
Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to
Strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."
On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again.
"S**T, I missed."
A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes
Out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.
And from the sky comes a booming voice .......
"S**T, I missed."
07-28-11, 11:24 AM #18015
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought:
"I don't fu@king think so."
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