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Thread: Chuckles of the Day...
11-02-10, 12:27 PM #17386
Camel toe anybody?
11-02-10, 02:21 PM #17387
one camel toe coming up
11-02-10, 02:43 PM #17388
11-02-10, 06:12 PM #17389
Different Ways Of Looking At Things (jokes)
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage,
and Family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did
my Intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your
mother, Cause I still have mine.'
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce
Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now
and Then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency
Room, Took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your
wife At all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and
really Good with the kids.'
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
has Been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact
words That were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long
it'll Take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears
and Asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used
in Surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a
display Of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive
clap Of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied
by Even more thunder rumbling in the distance...
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well,
11-02-10, 07:00 PM #17390
11-02-10, 08:03 PM #17391
my eyes my eyes i'm blind oooh noooo
11-02-10, 08:35 PM #17392
Ophra needs love too,,,,,,,,,,,
11-03-10, 06:52 AM #17393
11-04-10, 08:56 PM #17394
Heard a great one on my drive home. "The early bird gets the worm,,,,,, but the second mouse gets the cheese". It broke me up.
11-05-10, 09:56 AM #17395
11-05-10, 12:25 PM #17396
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
11-05-10, 12:27 PM #17397
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
11-05-10, 12:28 PM #17398
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."
11-05-10, 12:29 PM #17399
On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"
11-05-10, 12:31 PM #17400
A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
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