Chuckles of the Day... - Page 1269
  1. #19021
    A self-important college freshman walking along the beach took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen resting on the steps why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.



    “You grew up in a different world…

    Actually an almost primitive one”…..

    The student said loud enough for others to hear.



    The young people of today grew up with television…. jet planes… space travel… man walking on the moon.

    We have nuclear energy… ships …. mobile phones …. computers that work at light speed …and much more.



    After a brief silence, the senior citizen responded as follows

    “You are right son.

    We did not have those things when we were young … so we invented them.

    Now you arrogant little sh*t what are you doing for the next generation?


  2. #19022
    A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a large dildo flew out and hit the windshield.

    To hide her embarrassment the mother turned and said to her young kids, My what a big insect!"

    To which her 7 year old (Evan) said, “I’m surprised it could fly with a d!ck that big."



  3. #19023
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    The Proud, The Few, The Constitutional Marine

  4. #19024
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    The Proud, The Few, The Constitutional Marine

  5. #19025

  6. #19026
    Marine Free Member vfm's Avatar
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    A7 year old boy was walking down the road when he saw a Farmer pulling a wagon. "Hey mister whatca got in the wagon?" The Farmer says "manure."
    "Hey mister whatca gonna do with that manure?"
    The farmer says,"Well I'm gonna put it on my strawberries."
    "Gee mister I put whipped cream and sugar on mine."!!!


  7. #19027
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    The Proud, The Few, The Constitutional Marine

  8. #19028
    Man And The Beaver



    An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...





    The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the
    86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better.'


    I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
    "So what do you think about that Doc?"

    The doctor considered his question for a minute and
    then began to tell a story.

    "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter
    and never misses a season."


    One day he was setting off to go hunting.
    In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking
    cane instead of his gun.."

    "As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver
    sitting at the water's edge..


    He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't
    shoot the magnificent creature.
    Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if
    it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.



    "Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

    The 86-year-old said,
    "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else
    pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."


    The doctor replied , "My point exactly."





































  9. #19029
    Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.





    Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

    Margaret looked him over.
    "Nope."

    Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

    Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

    Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

    Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

    "Nope. Not a clue", she replied.

    "IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

    Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."


  10. #19030

  11. #19031

  12. #19032

  13. #19033
    The Best Place for Fun - Redneck Medical Terms


    Benign ................ What you be after you be eight.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Bacteria ............... Back door to cafeteria.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Barium ................. What you do with dead folks.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Cesarean Section ....... A neighborhood in Rome.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Cat Scan ................ Searching for the cat.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Cauterize .......... Made eye contact with her.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Colic ............... A sheep dog.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Coma ............... A punctuation mark.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Dilate ............. To live longer than your kids do.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Enema ............. Not a friend.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Fester ............ Quicker than someone else.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Fibula ............ A small lie.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Hangnail ........... What you hang your coat on.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Impotent ........... Distinguished, well known.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Labor Pain .......... Getting hurt at work.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Morbid .............. A higher offer than I bid



    Nitrates ............ Prices late in the day.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Medical Staff ....... A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Node .................... I knew it.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Outpatient .............. A person who has fainted.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Pap Smear ................ A fatherhood test.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Pelvis ................... Second cousin to Elvis.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Post Operative ........... A mailman.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Recovery Room .... Place to do upholstery.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Secretion ....... Hiding something.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Seizure .......... Roman dude.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Terminal Illness .... Sick at the train station.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tumor ............... More than one.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Urine ............... Agreeing to a proposal.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Varicose ............ close by.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Vulva...................Swedish automobile


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Vein.............................Conceited.


  14. #19034


    At first there are 12 people; then there are 13?


  15. #19035



    I bought a new Ford F250 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck

    Go figure it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85.
    I returned to the dealer yesterday
    Because I couldn't get the radio to work.

    The service technician explained that the radio was voice activated.


    'Nelson,' the technician said to the radio.
    The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'


    'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again'

    Came from the speakers.


    Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant

    'Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.

    I drove away happy, and for the next few days,

    Every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,'

    I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said,

    'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.


    Yesterday, some guy ran a red light

    And nearly creamed my new truck,

    But I swerved in time to avoid him.


    I yelled, 'Azz Hole!'

    Immediately the radio responded with,


    Ladies and gentlemen,

    The President of The

    United States



    Damn I love this truck....


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