Chuckles of the Day...

[Ed Palmer]

Don't tease frogs.

[Ed Palmer]

Research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens when
you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the
face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been
with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex
anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with
your partner for a long time, your sex has gotten routine, and you usually
have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with
your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both
say 'Screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * This means you get Nun in
the morning, Nun in the afternoon, and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your
wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security
Sex. You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself.

[Marinemom32]

Good one!! It's a shame that it can't stay at smurf sex forever lol

[Ed Palmer]

A black guy, an illegal alien, a Muslim, and a communist walk into a bar.





The bartender asks,










"What can I get you Mr. President?"

[David R 1968]

Be nice
Sometimes we forget the really important things in life.

Last week, I took my grand-children to a restaurant.
My six-year-old grand-son asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the
food, and I would even thank you more if Nana gets us ice cream for dessert. And
liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark,
"That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray.
Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my grand-son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is
God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was
certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.
He winked at my grand-son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was
a great prayer."

"Really?" my grand-son asked.
"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had
started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little
ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my grand-children ice cream at the end of the meal. My
grand-son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the
rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front
of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Shove it up
your ars you grouchy old b*tch! "

[advanced]

Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.. *

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his..

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"**

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in* Boston* " *

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.**

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."**

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"**

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.**

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.**

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."**

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."**

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
*

[Ed Palmer]

A white house Christmas


It’s more correct to wish someone a ‘Merry Jihad’, or have a Happy Quanzaa (an African tradition that goes back eons and celebrates the eating of tasty humans.)

[EGTSpec]

Warning! Do not attempt to drink a beverage while watching this video, unless you want it shooting out your nose.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZZCVpeBKIA

[David R 1968]

Greetings

You may not know it but I've been very busy over the past 2 years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book about Golf. I am very proud of the results and in order to market the publication, I am asking friends and family to be the first to own a copy. Here's the Table of Contents from my new book, "Winning Golf Strategies," which I believe gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I've gained through my own years of experience in the game and observations of golfing partners.

Table Of Contents

Chapter 1 - How to properly line up your Fourth putt.

Chapter 2 - How to hit a Nike from the rough when you hit a Titleist from the tee.

Chapter 3 - How to avoid the water when you lie 8 in a bunker.

Chapter 4 - How to get more distance off the Shank.

Chapter 5 - When to give the Ranger the finger.

Chapter 6 - Using your shadow on the Greens to maximize earnings.

Chapter 7 - When to implement Handicap Management.

Chapter 8 - Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9 a.m.

Chapter 9 - How to urinate behind a 4" x 4" post, ... Undetected.

Chapter 10 - How to rationalize a 6 hour round.

Chapter 11 - How to find that ball that everyone else saw go in the water.

Chapter 12 - Why your spouse doesn't care that you birdied the 5th.

Chapter 13 - How to let a Foursome play through your Twosome.

Chapter 14 - How to relax when you are hitting Three off the Tee.

Chapter 15 - When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent.

Chapter 16 - God and the meaning of The Birdie-To-Bogey Putt.

Chapter 17 - When to regrip your Ball Retriever.

Chapter 18 - Use a strong grip on the Hand Wedge and Weak Slip on the Foot Wedge.

Chapter 19 - Why male golfers will pay $5.00 a beer from the Cart Girl and give her a $3 tip, but will balk at a $3.50 Beer at the 19th Hole and stiff the Bartender.

Hopefully you will find my book intriguing and purchase a copy. Please send on and hopefully more people will buy copies!!!

[Zulu 36]

This book needs a Chapter 20: How to Blame your Lame Game on your Caddy.

[David R 1968]

Zulu, I blame the beer.

[Ed Palmer]

Some Seniors as well as younger folks might be interested in this site....

I normally don't pass on any porn (tho it depends on what you define as porn).

I accidentally found this site (after lookin half the nite).

I feel that you're old enough and mature enough to handle this.

You'll Love this!

You'll Thank me!

The best free porn site ever! Click below:

The Best Free Porn Site

click on:
http://mr-desi.com/fun_pages/freeporn.html

[Zebra29er]

: An Irish Birthday Story

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all
been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first
legal drink.
So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took
a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat
...and nearly drowned!
Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.
'Grandma,' he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk cross
the lake like me father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled blue eyes and said,
"Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all
born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August,
ya fookin idiot!"

[David R 1968]

Arthur is 85 years old.

He's played golf every day since his retirement 20 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try."

"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is ninety two. He can't help."

"He may be ninety two," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.

He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!", says the brother-in-law..

"I have perfect eyesight."

"Where did it go?" asks Arthur.

"Can't remember."

[Ray Merrell]

"Any man who drives safely while kissing a pretty girl
is not giving the kiss the proper attention."

.......Einstein