Chuckles of the Day... - Page 1182
  1. #17716

    Too Good not to share.

    by Greg Cravens



  2. #17717
    SMART ASS ANSWER

    A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
    The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'


  3. #17718
    History's top 10 times for appropriate Use of the F-word:


    10th - "Scattered f***ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC

    9th - "How the f*** did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC

    8th - "You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566

    7th - "Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877

    6th - "It does so f***ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926

    5th - "Where the f*** are we?" Amelia Earhart, 1937

    4th - "Any f***ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938

    3rd - "What the f*** was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945

    2nd - "I need this parade like I need a f***ing hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963



    AND ... Drum roll please ....

    The Number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word .......


    "Aw c'mon. Who the f*** is gonna find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009


  4. #17719
    what did the farmer say when his cat got ran over by a steam roller? HE DIDNT SAY ANYTHING BUT HE SURE HAD A LONG PUSS

    SEMPER FI

    STEPHEN DOC HANSEN HM3 FMF


  5. #17720
    Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"

    "My father said it'd be a good idea, Sir."

    "Oh? And what does your father do?"

    "He's in the Marines, Sir."


  6. #17721
    Old Folks Texting Codes
    ATD At the Doctor's


    BFF: Best Friend Fell

    BTW: Bring the Wheelchair

    BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

    CMB: Covered by Medicare

    CUATSC: See you at the Senior Center

    DWI: Driving While Incontinent

    FWIW: Forgot Where I was

    FYI: Found Your Insulin

    GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

    HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement

    GHA: Got Heartburn Again

    IMHO
    Is My Hearing Aid On

    LMDO: Laughing My Dentures out

    LOL: Living on Lipitor

    OMSG: Oh My Sorry, Gas

    ROFL.CGU Rolling on the floor Laughing and Can't get UP

    SGGP:
    Sorry Gotta go Poop

    TTYL; Talk to You Louder

    WTP: Where's the prunces

    GGLKI Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In


  7. #17722

  8. #17723
    Were You "Cool" in High School?









    This test is based on how cool you were in High School...



    What crowd you ran with, what car you drove, who you dated, etc.



    It's pretty accurate.



    You may want to send it to your friends to see if they've changed.


    Click here
    http://www.sailinganarchy.com/genera.../cool_test.htm


  9. #17724
    that is until you get a promotion then it is his turn


  10. #17725
    Will I Live to see 90?

    Here's something to think about.

    I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After
    two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for
    my age. (I just turned fifty-five).

    A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't
    resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

    He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?

    'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

    Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs?

    'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that
    all red meat is very unhealthy!'

    'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing
    golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

    'No, I don't,' I said.

    He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'

    'No,' I said...

    He looked at me and said,.. 'Then, why do you even give a crap?


  11. #17726
    The risks of an eBay purchase

    WARNING
    USE CAUTION WHEN ORDERING ON EBAY !!!!!!!





    Spent $50 on eBay for a penis enlarger.



    Bustards sent me a magnifying glass..


  12. #17727


    SAD NEWS - Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the Oven. Services were held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.


  13. #17728
    The doctor and the Texas midget

    The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget
    went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop
    his pants and he would have a look.

    The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table,
    and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and
    told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.

    "Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he
    asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical
    scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.

    The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the
    snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining
    room to see if his testicles still hurt.

    The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles
    were no longer aching.

    The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I
    < div>
    didn't even feel it. What did you do?"

    The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."


  14. #17729
    A Plan


    A.
    Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men


    B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.


    C. Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies.


    D. In three generations, there will be no Democrats.


    ...


    Dang - I love it when a plan comes together.


  15. #17730
    Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions. One said,

    "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

    I don't think I have ever heard of that one, said the other cowboy. "What is it?"

    Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind.

    Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands andwhisper in her ear,

    'Boy, these feel just like your sister's.'

    Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."


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