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Thread: Chuckles of the Day...
08-20-10, 11:02 PM #17176
Nurses aren't supposed to laugh........
"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a
professional. In over twenty years I've never
laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," said Fred, and he proceeded to drop
his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the
nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't
have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control
herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor
laughing. Five minutes later she was able to struggle to her
feet and regain her composure.
"I am so sorry," she said. "I > don't know what came over
me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it
won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be
"It's swollen," Fred replied.
She ran out of the room.
08-21-10, 09:25 AM #17177
08-21-10, 11:11 AM #17178
Leave Barack Alone !!!
08-21-10, 11:44 AM #17179
08-21-10, 12:44 PM #17180
A botty bandit of the first high water.
Bill, you really must get out more. I cannot be alone in worrying about what you are watching.
08-21-10, 01:34 PM #17181
08-21-10, 01:35 PM #17182
08-21-10, 03:04 PM #17183
Old Dogs !
One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?'
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the panther, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
'Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs... Old Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!
BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
08-21-10, 03:14 PM #17184
Pelosi is a Saint ??
On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington , D. C., an aide to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic cathedral in D.C. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.
The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi's views."
Pelosi's aide then said, "Look. I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint."
The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."
As Pelosi's aide promised, House Speaker Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle.
As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Speaker Pelosi was present. The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, "While Speaker Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people.
She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington , and in California . The woman is simply not to be trusted."
The Cardinal concluded, "But, when compared with President Obama, House Speaker Pelosi is a saint."
08-22-10, 09:25 AM #17185
A friend of mine just started his own business making land mines that look like prayer mats. . . .
It's doing well. . . .
He says Prophets are going through the roof!
08-22-10, 10:05 AM #17186
08-22-10, 10:31 AM #17187
Thanks, it's a shame really. He's a nice guy but the business is non-Prophet making.
08-22-10, 11:28 AM #17188
08-22-10, 11:43 AM #17189
I'd love to see his businesses Prophet/loss statement. (This is getting to be a mega groaner. LOL)
08-22-10, 01:47 PM #17190
As long as he isn't Propheteering the IRS should leave him alone.
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