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Thread: "WOMEN"
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11-29-02, 08:24 AM #31
For some reason
This comic reminded me first of Ladyleatherneck, ROTFLMAO and something Barrio-Rat once said, he told his wife.......LMAO
He's lucky he's still alive, I may not be once LL sees the above..LMAO
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11-30-02, 09:16 AM #32
LOL... right on! Well, at least my wife has a sense of humor... most days. Can only say a joke like that before you take her out to some fancy place... like Wendy's.
Here's one for ya.
St. Peter is at the gates to heaven and there's two lines - one is very long and the other only has one man standing in it. The sign for the long line reads MEN WHO WERE HEN PECKED BY THIER WIVES, the sign above the man standing alone read MEN WHO WHERE THEIR OWN MEN. St. Peter goes over to the man and asked him why he was the only one standing there. The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me I should stand here."
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11-30-02, 01:45 PM #33
The ONLY good answer to...
"does my butt look big"
Maybe.....
to just....
say....
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Yea Baby
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11-30-02, 04:36 PM #34
Why women are Cranky
We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything
that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it
brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption
the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs.
Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those
budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have
to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton
rods in places we didn't even know we had.
Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the
first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus
through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little
cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and
water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day
leaning over Brother John.
Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live
with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night
and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby. Our once
flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our
pants every time we sneeze.
When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will
invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with our
big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it's huff
and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming,
Mrs. In-Labor.
Calm down and push. Just one more (10 more) good push," warranting a
strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the b******d square
in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb.
bowling ball through a keyhole.
After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all
that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking,
jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
The teen years. Need I say more?
The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual
prime in our mid-30's to early 40's while Horny Dude had his somewhere around
his 18th birthday (which just happens to be the reason all that early hot
man sex got you pregnant in the first place).
Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grand- mother of
all womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance cancer in those
now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat
like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the
head off anything that moves.
Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men
get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee
in the woods without soaking their socks?
I love being a woman (call me crazy) but "Womanhood" would make the
Great Gandhi more spiteful!!!
And they say women are the "weaker sex." HA!
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11-30-02, 07:31 PM #35
Janine Corbin
THANKS SIS,
IMAGINE NOW IF YOU CAN,
LIVING WITH NOT ONE,
NOT TWO,
NOT THREE,
NOT FOUR,
NOT FIVE,
BUT SIX,
SIX WOMEN IN A HOUSEHOLD. THAT'S WHY SUNDAY IS SO IMPORTANT, ON THE 7TH DAY I GET TO REST.
LMAO
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11-30-02, 08:38 PM #36
Yeah Sophora.... Just think what it's like to have the hard job us men have! LOL
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11-30-02, 09:07 PM #37
Nice piece of work Janine! When I get done laughing I'll finish here! All you women must be related somehow! Your words, but my wife's voice! BUT, do you realize how hard it was to command a unit of a wife and three daughters? Give me a marine fire team anyday, with that I can relax!
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12-02-02, 08:35 PM #38
Dammm Bones i wouldnt be in your shoes for nuthin.
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12-04-02, 11:13 AM #39
Here ya go...
FAIRY TALE FOR WOMEN OF THE 21st CENTURY
Once upon a time,
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in a land far away,
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a beautiful, independent,
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self-assured princess
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happened upon a frog as she sat,
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contemplating ecological issues
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on the shores of an unpolluted pond
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in a verdant meadow near her castle.
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The frog hopped into the princess' lap
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and said: Elegant Lady,
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I was once a handsome prince,
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until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
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One kiss from you, however,
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and I will turn back
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into the dapper, young prince that I am
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and then, my sweet, we can marry
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and setup housekeeping in your castle
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with my mother,
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where you can prepare my meals,
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clean my clothes, bear my children,
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and forever
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feel grateful and happy doing so.
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That night,
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as the princess dined sumptuously
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on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs
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seasoned in a white wine
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and onion cream sauce,
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she chuckled and thought to herself:
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I don't fvcking think so.
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12-04-02, 11:17 AM #40
ROFLMAO
Great One Barrio!!!
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12-04-02, 01:24 PM #41
Women
Ya gotta love the women, who else is gonna cook and clean our hooches? Well, I love em dearly, especially when they drive cars, it's amusing and an experience to say the least.
But God, do I love Women
Semper Fi
Rat
Been away awhile, how is Life in here as we know it?
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12-04-02, 01:36 PM #42
Parallel parking? Nope... must be perpendicular parking! LOL
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12-04-02, 01:50 PM #43
Greensideout, I wish I could take credit for that piece. A friend of mine sent it to me. Author is unknown I reckon.
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01-03-03, 11:00 AM #44
Hay I just had A thought??? darndest thing ...and tryn as i may it just wont go away....so here it is...... Ma'am is a rather nice way to greet a woman
being that it may be more proper as Ma'ams
or Mammary
hummmmm guess we could just say Howdy ti!s
Hummmmm..........think ill stick with Ma'am...and just think the other one
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