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Thread: Wanted.

  1. #1
    Guest Free Member


    I was going to save this, and PM it to those I could identify as past or present law officers. Then I read it again, and said "Holy ****". With only a few modifications this could be a Marine recruiting poster.


    WANTED: Good people for a thankless job.

    When you start your job, you get to wear only one color, blue.

    You work all hours of the day and night, and on your wedding
    anniversary, and on Christmas, and on the day your kid is the star of Miss Hanson's Kindergarten Ballet and Recital.

    When there are explosions, gun shots, or screams, you must run toward them.

    You must love children, even those shooting at you.

    You have to be able to separate a knife-wielding husband from his
    pistol-wielding wife, with no injury to anyone. Then when you arrest one, the other jumps on your back and pummels you.

    People curse you, you can't curse back.

    People hate you, you can't hate back.

    You have to be an expert in criminal law, a counselor, a negotiator, perfect at crowd control, a therapist, a marksman, a hero, a psychic, an expert in race relations, be able to deliver a baby, climb a rope, scale a wall, have the analytical intelligence of Sherlock Holmes, the sensitivity of Jesus Christ, and be able to hit like George Foreman.

    You can never lose your temper.

    If you give a driver a ticket for going 55 mph in a school zone, crowded with kids, the driver will demand to know why you're not chasing criminals instead of harassing respectable citizens like him.

    If you chase a criminal, and he pulls a gun, and you shoot him, it's
    your fault.

    And sometimes you're sued.

    If you chase a madman who's driving a car, and there's a crash, it's always your fault.

    If you don't believe it's your fault, just listen to the television news and read the newspaper reports and they'll set you straight.

    If you pursue, wrestle, handcuff, and arrest an armed robber, get
    bruised and bloodied, and forget to dot an "i" or cross a "t", a judge, a panel of judges, or a whole court of judges will tell you it's your fault and release a dangerous criminal back into the community.

    You have to solve major crimes in a day, or you're not doing your job.

    If you stop for five minutes for lunch, you're goofing off.

    If you accept a cup of coffee, you're on the take.

    If you answer a call for help by running to your squad car and squealing your tires, you're a cowboy.

    If you get to the scene five minutes after the call for help, you're
    screamed at for not getting there faster.

    You have to know more chemicals than a pharmacist.

    You have to know more about chemical reactions in the human body than a doctor.

    When you break into a drug house, you can never forget to read Miranda rights to an assorted collection of scumbags who are racing for the doorways, shooting at you, jumping out the windows, punching you in the face, and running to the bathroom to relieve themselves of evidence with the aid of modern plumbing.

    If the criminals don't get rid of the evidence with a flush, a defense attorney will get rid of the evidence through motions that attack you in court, and of course, it's your fault.

    In hostage situations, if you shoot the hostage-taker, you're a killer, and if you don't shoot him, and continue talking to him, and someone is injured or killed, then you're indecisive and stupid.

    You're unpopular. All the time. Every hour of every day. Until
    someone needs you.

    Pay isn't great.

    Hours are ridiculous. And you probably won't get a summer vacation until you're on the job 20 years.

    Now, if you're still interested in becoming a cop, you can immediately apply because three fine officers unexpectedly lost their jobs recently.

    September 7: Milwaukee Police Officer William Robertson, 31, was shot to death by a sniper with a high-powered rifle.

    October 28: Glendale Police Officer Ronald E. Hedbany, 42, was shot to death in his squad car after he quickly responded to a call of a bank robbery in progress.

    And on Wednesday, Milwaukee Police Officer Michael Niehoff, 27, was killed and two officers were seriously injured in a crash of squad cars, while answering an emergency call.

    One more thing we should mention about this job. You're unappreciated. Until you're dead. Then you get a parade. Sometimes.

  2. #2
    Registered User Free Member jerry wozny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002

  3. #3
    You hit the nail smack dab on the head. I have several freinds working in the law enforcement field and a couple are MARINES. They should force the truth in advertising on the recruitment posters.

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