Chowing down in style
Iraq-bound Marines, families treated to spaghetti dinner
By Peter Rowe
UNION-TRIBUNE STAFF WRITER

January 14, 2006

CAMP PENDLETON – In Kathi Ford's first-grade classroom, 6-year-old Maeve Reilly is learning the usual things: to read and write, add and subtract.

But Maeve attends Mary Fay Pendleton, an elementary school at Camp Pendleton, where some of the subjects extend far beyond the normal first-grade curriculum. For instance, there's geography.

"Where's Daddy going?" Maria Reilly quizzed her daughter.

"Iraq."

How to read a calendar.

"How long will Daddy be gone?"

"A year."

And citizenship.

"Why is Daddy going?"

Maeve fell silent, so Mom gave the answer: "Daddy and some other Marines are going over to help the people over there."

Last night, Mary Fay Pendleton's cafeteria was transformed into the "Ristorante MFP," treating 700 students and their parents to a spaghetti feed. Principal Lynne Gilstrap said the idea was to give the families a night off from cooking and cleaning and – as much as possible – from worrying that Dad or Mom will soon be heading to a war zone.

This month, when Camp Pendleton announced that a new round of deployments will dispatch to Iraq almost every Marine and sailor stationed at the base, the adults at Mary Kay Pendleton realized their students' families must be feeling stressed.

"The whole staff was wondering, 'What can we do; what can we do?' " Gilstrap said. "This is one thing that we can do. We can have them come in and get a night off."

Bolstered by donations from Fallbrook service clubs and that town's Chamber of Commerce, Gilstrap spent last weekend shopping for ziti and meat sauce, salad, breadsticks, cookies, punch and lemonade.

Teachers festooned the cafeteria walls with bright homemade posters – "Bon Appetit!" "Tour Italy!" KOGO's Roger Hedgecock broadcast his Friday show from a makeshift studio along one side of the room, and the stage at the other end was filled with raffle prizes ranging from dollhouses to camouflage pens.

For three hours, the room was filled with the laughter and hum of friends and neighbors dining together. If there was a slight edge to the conversations, the smallest sense of foreboding, a twinge of dread, who could blame them?

Certainly not Col. John Coleman, who noted that everyone in the room – whether Marine, spouse or child – was in the middle of a difficult cycle.

"You spend seven months in Iraq, then you spend seven months home, then it's seven months back," said Coleman, the base commander. "There's a price to pay coming in the door, and there's a price to pay going out the door. Anything in the way of special notice or recognition – a comment, a handshake – is appreciated. Something like tonight goes a long way."

The evening was especially important because it recognized some people whose sacrifices often go unheralded.

"This really shows that they understand that the kids are different here, that they face a different set of challenges," said 1st Lt. Greg Obar, whose 6-year-old son, Niles, is a kindergartner at Mary Fay Pendleton.

"A lot of times people in the community are very supportive of the service members," said Maj. Ryan Reilly, Maeve's father. "But very seldom do you see them recognize the sacrifice of the entire family."

While some of the Marines chowing down at the Ristorante MFP last night didn't yet have orders for Iraq, Reilly does: He leaves in three weeks. He and Maria have discussed the upcoming deployment with their four children: Maeve, 3-year-olds Owen and Liam, and 1-year-old Aidan. "They all know," Reilly said. He gazed at his young crew. "We keep the conversation age-specific."

Such conversations have taken place in all of these households, with varying degrees of understanding and acceptance.

"He's kind of OK with it," Demetria Self said of her 6-year-old son Tory's knowledge that his father, Lance Cpl. Roy Self, is preparing to leave for Iraq. "For the most part, he's doing pretty well with it."

Ann Abuan said of her 5-year-old son, Ayric: "He's very proud of his dad. He tells everyone that his daddy is a Marine. But he asked: 'Daddy, are you leaving again? Don't go.' "It really breaks his heart. They don't understand why Daddy is gone so long, and they worry about things that they hear on the news."

Sgt. Marvin Abuan has already done two tours of duty in Iraq. For Ayric and his 3-year-old brother, Alex, there's a growing awareness that Dad's job involves long months in distant and sometimes dangerous lands. Alex usually doesn't say much about it, but last night he dressed for dinner in his "cammy" sweat shirt and sweat pants.

"We figure that's his way of telling his daddy, 'You're my hero,' " Ann Abuan said. "He's not old enough to express that, so the only way he can do that is to mimic."

Alex also joined in the festivities, breaking breadsticks with other members of this extended family. On this night, the food was plentiful, the company was spirited and the gesture was felt.

"We really appreciate small things like this," Ann Abuan said. Then, listening to her own words, the Marine wife corrected herself. "This is a big thing to us."

Ellie