November 21, 2005
Married to the military
Recordings connect family over distance
By Kathie Hightower and Holly Scherer
Special to the Times

One of the keys to a happy life is a strong support structure of friends and family.

After pay issues, the most commonly mentioned reason for leaving the military is the frequency of deployments and the lack of time with family. And, of course, the reality of military life means you probably live far from extended family and friends.

Holiday time can make these separations even more challenging. So what can you do to keep family relationships strong? Just hearing loved ones’ voices and seeing their faces can help.

“When Chris was deployed to Iraq, I sent a miniature tabletop-size Christmas tree from Target,” said Army spouse Regina Toomey. “It came with decorations, but we added a few of our own homemade ones with photos of the kids. We included a Talking Photo Album we got at RadioShack.”

Look online for Create-A-Memory ornaments that include a photo with 15 seconds of dialogue ($9.95) — a great idea for any relative living far away and even longer lasting than that annual holiday family photo. And you can have any photo added to a T-shirt, coffee mug or thermal commuter mug at places such as Kinko’s.

One great way to connect holiday celebrations over the miles is by using video recorders available through such programs as United Through Reading on Navy ships and video messenger field recording studios at many Army posts and in deployment areas.

Deployed fathers and mothers can videotape themselves reading books to their kids. One spouse suggested using this specifically for the holidays by reading such holiday books as “The Night Before Christmas.” In fact, the United Through Reading program recommends bringing the experience full circle by videotaping the child’s response to the video to send back to the deployed parent.

One Fort Lewis, Wash., family used the video messenger system at a library to record a birthday party to send to Dad so he could feel a part of the celebration. This would work for any holiday.

Our favorite idea to connect children to their extended family was shared many years ago by an Air Force wife in our workshop. When her daughter was born, she created a book featuring photos of all the extended family members. It was a large three-ring binder in which each page featured one person. She added a simple narrative as if it were a storybook. For example, “Grandpa lives on a farm with cows and horses. He loves blueberry pie and milk.” Her daughter loved having the book read to her, and she immediately recognized extended family when they came to visit.

Of course, if your spouse is deployed and you’ve got young children at home, you may not have time to put this kind of book together. Why not ask a family member to give their time to help you stay connected?

Kathie Hightower and Holly Scherer are military spouses who have written articles and presented workshops based on their research and experiences for more than 10 years. They are authors of “Help! I’m a Military Spouse — I Want a Life Too!” Send your questions and suggestions to marriedtomilitary@atpco.com.