Jokes-!

[cadetat6]

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enou gh to talk to God.
>>Looking up, he asks the Lord. . . "God, what does a million years mean to
>>you?"
>>The Lord replies, "A minute."
>>Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
>>The Lord replies, "A penny."
>>Smith asks," Can I have a penny?"
>>The Lord replies, "In a minute".
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.
>>Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, She
>>sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I
>>should do?"
>>"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me,
>>exactly where is Larry's bar?"
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has
>>been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "Maybe, but you
>>will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
>>you."
>>The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request,
>>dear," he said.
>>"Of course, John, " his wife said softly.
>>"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
>>"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
>>With his last breath John said, "I do!"
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to
>>hi s hotel.
>>When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "Am I the first man you ever
>>made love to?"
>>She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. "You might
>>be," she says. "Your face looks familiar."
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I
>>have to talk to you about it."
>>The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
>>The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
>>The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
>>The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,
>>what should I do?"
>>The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I
>>can find out and I'll let you know."
>>A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your
>>wife. I sp oke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
>>The man said yes and the Rabbi! replied, "Take the poison."

[sm@@thrider]

this goes in the chuckles of the day thread cadetat6, even though they aren't that funny.

[thedrifter]

Placing in for cadetat6.....

Jokes-2
was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely
>>ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out
>>line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the
>>cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked
>>sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great
>>if that happened more often?!!!
>>
>>===========
>>
>>Because they had no reserv ations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor
>>and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young
>>man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45
>>minutes." They were seated immediately.
>>
>>================
>>
>>The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would
>>hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
>>
>>====================
>>
>>All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the
>>aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her
>>father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews
>>responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her
>>father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
>>
>>=======================
>>
>>Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and
>>get used to the idea.
>>
>>=======================
>>
>>Three friends from the local congregation were asked "When you're in your
>>casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what
>>would you like them to say? "
>>Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a Fine
>>spiritual leader, and a great family man."
>>Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and
>>servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
>>Don said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"